Some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. Others think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss both of these points of view. What is your opinion on that issue?
Sample Response
Today, modernization has revolutionised humans’ lifestyles fundamentally. Industrialisation has made our world a better place for living, although some individuals believe that this has been more useful to more affluent citizens. From my perspective, these advancements have led all humans to live better, even the deprived ones.
On the one hand, those who believe that by the development of technology, the rich have gained more beneficiaries have their own reasons. One is that luxury lifestyle has become more popular globally. The more luxury goods are produced by different companies, the more well-to-do citizens have more choices to purchase more variety of magnificent items. For instance, in 2015, Apple, a well-known electronic corporation in the USA, has produced a new version of Apple cell phone as size as a watch with the price of over $20000. Therefore, this watch will be affordable to those having tremendous saving. In addition, in trading, richer countries have a better access to the latest technology of e-commerce, while the poor ones, higher expenditure avoids them to compete with the former and the globalisation has increased the gap between the developed and underdeveloped nations.
On the other hand, I personally agree with those believing that modernization has had more positive influences on both rich and poor people. One important impact is that all nations have a better access to more highly developed health system. For example, even in remote areas of Africa, MRI is used for diagnosing of diseases, and its technology can be compared to the one which is being used in the USA. In addition, travelling facilities have been altered dramatically. Had not aviation technology been developed so fast, less general people would have used low-cost airlines. In the past, only the rich could pay the ticket of an airplane, but now even a simple worker and his family can afford the fee of a flight annually.
In conclusion, some may believe that the more the technology develops, the more wealthy citizens have better living conditions. However, I personally agree that this can influence the level of accessing to medical services and travelling facilities, and the poor’s lifestyles have been and will be improved far significantly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural plural Original: humans’ lifestyles Suggested revision: people's lifestyles Why it matters: People's lifestyles is the natural phrase for general human ways of living.
- 2. Use place to live Original: better place for living Suggested revision: better place to live Why it matters: Place to live is the standard infinitive construction.
- 3. Use everyone Original: all humans Suggested revision: everyone Why it matters: Everyone is more natural and concise in this general claim.
- 4. Use respectful noun phrase Original: the deprived ones Suggested revision: disadvantaged people Why it matters: The revised phrase is clearer and avoids using an adjective as a vague plural noun.
- 5. Use through development Original: by Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Through correctly expresses the means by which the change occurs.
- 6. Use gained benefits Original: beneficiaries Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Beneficiaries are people, whereas benefits are advantages received.
- 7. Use plural lifestyles Original: luxury lifestyle Suggested revision: luxurious lifestyles Why it matters: The general claim needs a plural noun and the adjective luxurious.
- 8. Use simple past Original: has produced a new version Suggested revision: produced a new version Why it matters: The finished time marker in 2015 requires the simple past.
- 9. Correct size comparison Original: as size as a watch Suggested revision: the size of a watch Why it matters: The size of is the correct noun phrase for this comparison.
- 10. Use priced at Original: with the price of Suggested revision: priced at Why it matters: Priced at is the standard concise construction before an amount.
- 11. Use plural savings Original: tremendous saving Suggested revision: substantial savings Why it matters: Savings is plural when referring to accumulated money.
- 12. Remove access article Original: richer countries have a better access Suggested revision: richer countries have better access Why it matters: Access is uncountable and does not take a in this phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- humans’ lifestyles people's lifestyles
- better place for living better place to live
- all humans everyone
- the deprived ones disadvantaged people
- by through
- beneficiaries benefits
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear opinion and easily recognisable two-sided structure, with relevant discussion of luxury goods, healthcare, and travel. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors weaken precision, while some examples only loosely demonstrate changes in inequality; the highest-priority improvement is to build one explicit causal link between each example and the rich-poor gap, then edit each sentence for natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed and a clear opinion is maintained, although some supporting examples do not fully establish their claimed effect on inequality.
Explain explicitly how each example widens or narrows the rich-poor gap instead of relying on the example to imply the connection.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical four-paragraph progression, though some long sentences contain loosely connected ideas.
Divide overloaded sentences and make each supporting point lead clearly from claim to explanation to consequence.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range and several less common terms, but frequent collocational errors make expression unnatural and occasionally imprecise.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as references to beneficiaries, savings, and travel fees with simpler, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but errors in articles, agreement, tense, comparison, and clause construction recur throughout.
Prioritise accurate sentence boundaries and core clause patterns before adding complex comparative or conditional structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. Others think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss both of these points of view. What is your opinion on that issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.