Some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. Others think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss these points of view. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Technology seems to promise infinite benefits for mankind. While it could be argued that the development of new technology always expands the gap between rich and poor, it is also true that the level of technology used in developing countries and low-income countries has been quicker than the developed countries over the last few years and this has helped to bridge the gap between the rich and the poor. So, both views have some ground which I shall be discussing in this essay.
There are many reasons why people say that technology increases the gap between rich and poor. To begin with, new technology itself tends to be affordable by only the richer elements of society and the poorer elements are denied the opportunities that this provides, such as the ability to be able to train for better paid work. It is understandable that because of their ability to acquire new technology, the learning ability within the richer elements of society is much improved. Therefore they get better job placements and continue to grow further.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid overstatement Original: infinite Suggested revision: numerous Why it matters: 'Numerous' makes the broad claim more measured and defensible.
- 2. Fix awkward phrase Original: both views have some ground which I shall be discussing Suggested revision: both views have some merit, and I will discuss them Why it matters: The revision uses the natural expression 'have merit' and gives 'discuss' a clear object.
- 3. Wrong preposition Original: affordable by only Suggested revision: affordable only to Why it matters: Things are described as affordable 'to' people, not affordable 'by' them.
- 4. Clarify social groups Original: the richer elements of society and the poorer elements Suggested revision: wealthier members of society, while poorer people Why it matters: The revision uses natural terms and clearly marks the contrast between the two groups.
- 5. Improve phrasing Original: denied the opportunities that this provides Suggested revision: excluded from the opportunities it provides Why it matters: 'Excluded from opportunities' expresses the intended disadvantage more naturally.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: the ability to be able to train Suggested revision: the ability to train Why it matters: 'Ability' and 'be able to' duplicate the same meaning.
- 7. Use precise term Original: placements Suggested revision: opportunities Why it matters: 'Job opportunities' more accurately describes the employment advantages claimed here.
- 8. Remove vague redundancy Original: continue to grow further Suggested revision: continue to advance Why it matters: 'Continue' and 'further' are redundant, while 'advance' states the intended progress more clearly.
- 9. Use direct wording Original: Technology seems to promise Suggested revision: Technology offers Why it matters: The direct verb 'offers' expresses the claim more concisely.
- 10. Use inclusive term Original: mankind Suggested revision: humanity Why it matters: 'Humanity' is a concise, inclusive alternative in formal writing.
- 11. Reduce wordiness Original: the development of new technology Suggested revision: technological development Why it matters: The compact noun phrase conveys the same meaning more efficiently.
- 12. Improve precision Original: used in developing countries and low-income countries Suggested revision: adopted in developing and low-income countries Why it matters: 'Adopted' better describes the uptake of technology and removes repeated wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- infinite numerous
- both views have some ground which I shall be discussing both views have some merit, and I will discuss them
- affordable by only affordable only to
- the richer elements of society and the poorer elements wealthier members of society, while poorer people
- denied the opportunities that this provides excluded from the opportunities it provides
- the ability to be able to train the ability to train
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response explains one relevant mechanism by which technology can widen inequality and maintains clear progression within that limited discussion. However, it is substantially under length and omits development of the opposing view, a clear personal opinion, and a conclusion, leaving the task largely incomplete. The highest-priority improvement is to complete the response with a developed counterargument and an explicit, consistently supported position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
One side is explained relevantly, but the opposing view and the writer's opinion are not developed in this incomplete, under-length response.
Add a fully developed argument for technology narrowing inequality, state a clear opinion, and conclude that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and single body paragraph follow a broadly clear progression, with cohesive links that are generally effective.
Build a complete paragraph sequence in which each required viewpoint has a distinct focus and the conclusion follows the discussion.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate topic vocabulary, but repetition and awkward combinations sometimes reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more precise alternatives for repeated references to rich and poor groups and revise awkward comparative expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted with generally clear meaning, although some faulty comparisons and awkward constructions remain.
Review comparative structures and remove redundancy in phrases such as expressions combining ability with being able to act.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor people and rich people. Others think it is having an opposite effect. Discuss these points of view. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.