It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Sample Response
Technology, the buzzword of today, has improved the quality of life world over. It is true that technology is one of the reasons behind the abrupt destruction of our traditional culture. In my point of view, technology and our tradition go well together.
Firstly, traditional games from the bygone days have been evaded by the juvenile and by the grown-up. They are much attracted towards video games rather than ancient games. According to them, these are old-fashioned games. An axiom for this issue is to include traditional games into the video games so that younger generation will get exposure to it.
In addition, traditional musical instruments such as banjos are being replaced by new innovations such as guitars, pianos and so on. Apart from this, the numbers of traditional performances organised have also been reduced due to the invention of idiot box which always broadcast a variety of TV shows and serials, making less importance to the traditional performance.
In this era of globalisation, people prefer to live in modern apartments. So usages of traditional houses have become comparatively less. Unlike traditional houses, flats offering much secure environment. Moreover, apartment helps to reduce vicissitudes of our life. To have an ancient touch, one can include traditional concepts and furniture while building the apartments.
In conclusion, the strong current of technological advancement has indeed eroded some traditions; nevertheless, both of them are not mutually incompatible. We can preserve our traditions which reflect our origins and roots but at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilisation of technology as it could be used to reinstate traditions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the standard adverb Original: world over Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: “Worldwide” is the natural adverb meaning throughout the world.
- 2. Use concise causation Original: reasons behind Suggested revision: causes of Why it matters: “Causes of” expresses the relationship more directly.
- 3. Describe gradual change Original: abrupt destruction Suggested revision: rapid erosion Why it matters: “Erosion” more naturally describes the weakening of culture over time.
- 4. Use the fixed phrase Original: In my point of view Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: The standard expression is “in my view” or “from my point of view”.
- 5. Choose the correct passive Original: evaded Suggested revision: abandoned Why it matters: People abandon games; “evade” means avoid capture or a responsibility.
- 6. Use a natural plural Original: the juvenile Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: The singular legalistic noun is unsuitable for a general group.
- 7. Use the plural group Original: the grown-up Suggested revision: adults Why it matters: A general group requires the plural noun “adults”.
- 8. Correct comparison and preposition Original: much attracted towards Suggested revision: more attracted to Why it matters: The comparison takes “more,” and “attracted” takes the preposition “to”.
- 9. Name a solution Original: An axiom for this issue Suggested revision: One solution to this problem Why it matters: An “axiom” is a self-evident principle, not a proposed remedy.
- 10. Use the correct verb pattern Original: include Suggested revision: incorporate Why it matters: “Incorporate into” is the appropriate construction for combining the games.
- 11. Add the article Original: younger generation Suggested revision: the younger generation Why it matters: This singular collective noun requires the definite article.
- 12. Match the plural referent Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun refers to plural “traditional games,” so “them” is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- world over worldwide
- reasons behind causes of
- abrupt destruction rapid erosion
- In my point of view In my view
- evaded abandoned
- the juvenile young people
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a clear disagreement and explores several relevant cultural areas, including games, performances, and housing, while suggesting ways tradition could coexist with modern life. However, several examples are weakly reasoned or historically questionable, and frequent inaccurate vocabulary and grammar make the argument less convincing. The priority is to develop one or two credible examples in depth and express their cause-and-effect relationships in simpler, more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question with a consistent position and relevant main ideas, but explanations are uneven and claims such as guitars and pianos being new innovations are not convincing.
Select fewer, more credible examples and explain specifically how technology can preserve each tradition rather than merely placing traditional elements in a modern setting.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and a broadly logical sequence, although transitions are mechanical and some supporting sentences do not build a precise line of reasoning.
Organise each body paragraph around one claim followed by a clear cause, example, and explanation of how it supports compatibility.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss the topic, including some less common items, but frequent misselection in phrases such as "evaded by the juvenile," "an axiom," and "reduce vicissitudes" impairs precision.
Use familiar words accurately and check that less common vocabulary matches the intended meaning and natural collocation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms and remains generally understandable, but recurring article, number, agreement, and fragment errors show inconsistent control.
Correct subject-verb agreement and complete every clause, for example by revising "flats offering" to "flats offer" and checking singular and plural nouns throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.