Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
While some people argue that technological advancements help reduce the number of criminal activities, others opine that it actually increases the crime rate. Personally, I side with the former as progress in technology has had a positive impact on the world's crime scene.
On the one hand, developments in technology have paved the way for an emerging kind of crime: cyber-crime. As most transactions nowadays are done via the Internet, thieves can hack into one’s account and tamper with online transactions, sending the money to his bank account instead of that of the actual recipient of the payment. A milder case would be information thievery, in which one’s personal information would be stolen and sold to a third party, who, in a positive case, are advertising companies, or to catfishes, in the worst case scenario. For example, a number of frauds in Vietnam happened to middle-aged women, who were swindled out of millions by imposters acting as their children or relatives online.
On the other hand, technological advancements have helped solve cases faster and prevent criminal activities. First, high-tech gears and programs can help detect offenders effectively and in a timely manner. To illustrate, a 35-year-old cold case in Texas has just been solved using DNA technology. The 1986 murder was thought to be hopeless as no visible evidences were found, yet innovations in crime science has brought new and concrete proofs. Another use of technological developments is to prevent crimes. What this means is that through the use of technology, crime attempts can be deterred. For example, released convicts will usually be forced to wear a GPS tracking device. Thanks to this, many criminals have abandoned their recidivism plan as they could be easily sent back to jail.
To conclude, although there are sound arguments as to why technology developments can facilitate crimes, I believe that, in reality, it can help avert criminal activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: opine Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: The verb 'believe' is more natural and direct in this context.
- 2. Clarify the phrase Original: the world's crime scene Suggested revision: crime worldwide Why it matters: This replacement expresses the global scope more precisely.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: kind Suggested revision: form Why it matters: 'Form of crime' is the more natural collocation.
- 4. Fix pronoun reference Original: his bank account Suggested revision: their own bank account Why it matters: A gender-neutral plural pronoun clearly refers back to 'thieves'.
- 5. Fix verb choice Original: a number of frauds in Vietnam happened to middle-aged women Suggested revision: a number of fraud cases in Vietnam involved middle-aged women Why it matters: Fraud cases involve victims; they do not naturally 'happen to' them in this structure.
- 6. Use uncountable noun Original: gears Suggested revision: equipment Why it matters: 'Equipment' is the appropriate uncountable noun for technological tools.
- 7. Use uncountable evidence Original: evidences Suggested revision: evidence Why it matters: 'Evidence' is uncountable in standard English.
- 8. Fix subject agreement Original: has Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The plural subject 'innovations' requires 'have'.
- 9. Choose accurate noun Original: proofs Suggested revision: evidence Why it matters: 'Evidence' is the natural legal and investigative term here.
- 10. Clarify intended meaning Original: their recidivism plan Suggested revision: their plans to reoffend Why it matters: 'Plans to reoffend' conveys the intended meaning more naturally.
- 11. Fix word forms Original: technology developments can facilitate crimes Suggested revision: technological developments can facilitate crime Why it matters: The adjective 'technological' and uncountable 'crime' fit this general claim.
- 12. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it actually increases the crime rate Suggested revision: they actually increase crime rates Why it matters: The plural pronoun and verb agree with 'technological advancements'.
Suggested Rewrites
- opine believe
- the world's crime scene crime worldwide
- kind form
- his bank account their own bank account
- a number of frauds in Vietnam happened to middle-aged women a number of fraud cases in Vietnam involved middle-aged women
- gears equipment
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response fully engages with both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and develops each side with specific, relevant examples. Its main limitation is uneven precision in vocabulary and grammar, with several awkward collocations and agreement or countability errors that slightly weaken otherwise fluent communication. The highest-priority improvement is to replace imprecise expressions with natural academic collocations and proofread complex sentences for grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the writer's preference remains clear, and the main ideas are extended with relevant examples.
Qualify broad claims about offenders' behaviour so that the supporting examples remain fully credible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader effectively.
Make the internal transitions in the crime-prevention paragraph more concise to avoid slightly mechanical signposting.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although several collocations and word forms are unnatural or inaccurate.
Use more natural academic combinations for crime-science terms and check countable and uncountable nouns carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used confidently, but agreement, pronoun reference, and countability errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences specifically for subject-verb agreement and clear reference between singular and plural nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.