The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Sample Response
Some people say that the availability of technology is widening the gap between the rich and the poor, while other people think it is closing the gap. Personally, I believe that the availability of technology has little to do with the gap between the rich and the poor.
On one hand, having access to the latest and most advanced technology could bring a number of financial benefits to people. Advancements in technology have brought about large changes in the way people work and do business, and more specifically, in the efficiency of most workplaces. Technology has enhanced the productivity of most businesses around the world, particularly in manufacturing processes, and this has consequently boosted the profits of many companies, and therefore possibly made many wealthy businessmen even richer, thereby increasing the wealth gap.
However, with an increase in the availability of many new technologies, it is also becoming more affordable for the large majority of people, which has provided more equal opportunities between people, whether rich or poor. For example, the internet has become extremely widespread throughout the world these days and has provided people of all financial status access to a great deal of information that they can use to their advantage to help them educate themselves in order to live better lives, and therefore potentially decrease the gap.
In conclusion, I do not believe that access to technology really has much impact on the gap between rich and poor people. It is education and the acquisition and application of knowledge that may affect the wealth gap between rich and poor.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce repetition Original: while other people think Suggested revision: while others think Why it matters: Using others avoids repeating people within the same sentence.
- 2. Use precise phrasing Original: has little to do with Suggested revision: has little effect on Why it matters: Has little effect on states the claimed relationship more directly.
- 3. Complete fixed phrase Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The paired contrast expression requires the definite article.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: latest and most advanced Suggested revision: most advanced Why it matters: Most advanced already implies the newest level of development, making latest redundant.
- 5. Use stronger collocation Original: large Suggested revision: major Why it matters: Major changes is a more natural academic collocation.
- 6. Clarify the connection Original: and more specifically, in the efficiency of most workplaces Suggested revision: particularly by improving workplace efficiency Why it matters: The revision states clearly how technology has changed work and removes the awkward coordination.
- 7. Reduce conceptual repetition Original: education and the acquisition and application of knowledge Suggested revision: education and the application of knowledge Why it matters: Education already includes acquiring knowledge, so removing the repeated concept makes the claim more concise.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Technology has enhanced the productivity of most businesses around the world, particularly in manufacturing processes, and this has consequently boosted the profits of many companies, and therefore possibly made many wealthy businessmen even richer, thereby increasing the wealth gap. Suggested revision: Technology has enhanced business productivity worldwide, particularly in manufacturing, consequently boosting company profits and potentially making wealthy businesspeople even richer, thereby widening the wealth gap. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repeated coordination and presents the causal sequence more smoothly.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: However, with an increase in the availability of many new technologies, it is also becoming more affordable for the large majority of people, which has provided more equal opportunities between people, whether rich or poor. Suggested revision: However, as many new technologies become more widely available, they are also becoming affordable to most people, creating more equal opportunities for rich and poor alike. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the singular pronoun reference and the unclear relative clause while preserving the equal-access claim.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, the internet has become extremely widespread throughout the world these days and has provided people of all financial status access to a great deal of information that they can use to their advantage to help them educate themselves in order to live better lives, and therefore potentially decrease the gap. Suggested revision: For example, the internet is now widespread and gives people from all financial backgrounds access to information that they can use to educate themselves, improve their lives and potentially narrow the gap. Why it matters: The rewrite reduces the long chain of purposes and makes the example easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- while other people think while others think
- has little to do with has little effect on
- On one hand On the one hand
- latest and most advanced most advanced
- large major
- and more specifically, in the efficiency of most workplaces particularly by improving workplace efficiency
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear discussion of how technology can widen the wealth gap through business gains and narrow it through broader access to information. The main limitation is that the stated view—that technology has little impact—is only briefly justified and is not fully reconciled with those examples. Develop the final position throughout the body and tighten the long, heavily coordinated sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are relevantly discussed and a clear opinion is given, but the writer’s own position receives limited development.
Explain within the body why the opposing technological effects are secondary to education, rather than introducing that reasoning mainly in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical and progression is easy to follow, though several long sentences carry too many linked ideas.
Break extended causal chains into more focused sentences and make the transition from the two views to the final opinion more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate for technology, productivity, access, and inequality, with some noticeable repetition and imprecision.
Vary repeated references to “technology,” “people,” and “the gap,” and use more precise expressions for financial circumstances and opportunity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally clear meaning, despite occasional agreement and reference problems.
Correct unclear pronoun reference and agreement in constructions such as “many new technologies, it” and simplify overlong coordinated clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.