Children below the age of sixteen should not be allowed in public places after midnight unless they are accompanied by an adult who is responsible for them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many parents do not allow their teenage children to be in public places at night and accompany them if they need to go to any public place at night. In my opinion, this is a valid way of ensuring the safety of such adolescents.
Firstly, the boys and girls who are less than 16 years old do not need to be outside, especially at public places at midnight. They should be at home with their parents and within the secured premises. Public places at midnight in many cases are not secured and being there without a proper guardian is not safe at all for such young kids. In urban area people mostly stay at home in the midnight and do not go outside if this is urgent. The police patrols and other security authorities find it suspicious if they find someone at night. So being at public places at midnight is not a good idea.
Secondly, the rogue people and criminals find it suitable to operate at night. There is a change that a young boy or girl might become a victim of such crime and that’s why they should not be allowed to be outside at night.
In a metropolitan city, many people remain outside till the late night but still this is not safe for young children. It is a custom that children would be outside in broad daylight while they should be in safe-zone, home, at night.
In conclusion, in most of the parts of the world children less than 16 years old remain at home at midnight and this is necessary for their safety. If they really need to go outside at midnight, proper guardian or parents should always accompany them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: boys and girls who are less than 16 years old Suggested revision: children under 16 Why it matters: Children under 16 expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: especially at public places Suggested revision: especially in public places Why it matters: In is the natural preposition for describing someone's presence in a public place.
- 3. Use the correct adjective Original: within the secured premises Suggested revision: within secure premises Why it matters: Secure describes a place that is safe, whereas secured suggests a completed act of fastening or protection.
- 4. Use the correct adjective Original: are not secured Suggested revision: are not secure Why it matters: Secure is the appropriate adjective for places that may be unsafe.
- 5. Fix number and punctuation Original: In urban area people Suggested revision: In urban areas, people Why it matters: A general reference requires the plural areas and a comma after the introductory phrase.
- 6. Correct the time phrase Original: in the midnight Suggested revision: at midnight Why it matters: At is the correct preposition with midnight, and no article is used.
- 7. Correct the logical link Original: if this is urgent Suggested revision: unless it is urgent Why it matters: Unless correctly expresses that urgency is the exception to staying at home.
- 8. Remove vague repetition Original: find it suspicious if they find someone at night Suggested revision: may regard someone outside at night as suspicious Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated find and makes the object of suspicion explicit.
- 9. Remove awkward redundancy Original: the rogue people and criminals Suggested revision: criminals Why it matters: Rogue people is unnatural and duplicates the meaning already conveyed by criminals.
- 10. Clarify the meaning Original: find it suitable to operate Suggested revision: find it easier to operate Why it matters: Easier clearly expresses why criminals may prefer operating at night.
- 11. Correct the word Original: There is a change Suggested revision: There is a chance Why it matters: Chance, not change, expresses the possibility that follows.
- 12. Add the article Original: a victim of such crime Suggested revision: a victim of such a crime Why it matters: The singular countable noun crime requires an article here.
Suggested Rewrites
- boys and girls who are less than 16 years old children under 16
- especially at public places especially in public places
- within the secured premises within secure premises
- are not secured are not secure
- In urban area people In urban areas, people
- in the midnight at midnight
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear agreement with the proposed restriction and maintains a logical focus on protecting young people at night. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas largely repeat the same safety claim and rely on broad assertions rather than developed reasoning. The highest-priority improvement is to explain distinct risks and the responsible-adult exception with specific, credible examples while reducing repetition.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear position and relevant safety-based reasons, but its support is repetitive and only moderately developed.
Develop separate lines of reasoning about particular risks and explain more fully why responsible adult accompaniment addresses them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence is easy to follow, though paragraphing separates closely related safety points and some linking is mechanical.
Group overlapping claims into one developed paragraph and use a distinct second paragraph to examine the exception for accompanied children.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but several awkward or inaccurate choices reduce precision, including rogue people, secured premises, and change for chance.
Use natural collocations for crime, public safety, and supervision, and proofread carefully for word-form or typing errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and phrasing.
Improve control of article and preposition use in phrases about places and times, while checking subject-verb agreement in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children below the age of sixteen should not be allowed in public places after midnight unless they are accompanied by an adult who is responsible for them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.