Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is often argued that the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life is during adolescence, while others believe that adulthood, despite things like a job, family and money concerns, is better. This essay agrees with the former, rather than the latter view. It will first discuss how grown-ups are much less fulfilled than teenagers because of the pressures they are under and then discuss how contented most teenagers are, before coming to the conclusion that the ages of thirteen to eighteen really are the best years of our lives. Upon reaching maturity people are expected to fend for themselves and this often leads to unhappiness. This is because most adults have rent and bills to pay, as well as a partner and dependents to look after, which more often than not, leads to them doing a job they don’t enjoy in exchange for money. A recent study by Queen’s University, Belfast found that 79% of people would leave their jobs if they didn’t have a mortgage and 64% of people stated that their job made them depressed at some point. On the other hand, young people are free from these worries because they are often supported financially and free from any real troubles. Most live with their parents who pay for all their needs and the only thing they have to focus on is studying. Research carried out by Cambridge University found that only 29% of 15-16 year old students said they were ‘happy’, but when questioned 10 years later 84% said that they were ‘much happier’ when they were 16. In conclusion, youth really is wasted on the young because older people are under much more strain when it comes to money and people relying on them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: despite things like a job, family and money concerns Suggested revision: despite responsibilities such as work, family, and financial concerns Why it matters: The revision expresses the three responsibilities more precisely and in a parallel list.
- 2. Remove unnecessary comma Original: , rather than Suggested revision: rather than Why it matters: No comma is needed before this integrated contrast.
- 3. Add introductory comma Original: Upon reaching maturity people Suggested revision: Upon reaching maturity, people Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 4. Fix adverb punctuation Original: , which more often than not, leads Suggested revision: , which often leads Why it matters: The original comma incorrectly separates the adverbial phrase from the verb.
- 5. Use natural purpose Original: in exchange for money Suggested revision: to earn an income Why it matters: This wording states the purpose of doing the job more naturally.
- 6. Close inserted location Original: Belfast found Suggested revision: Belfast, found Why it matters: A second comma is needed to close the inserted place name before the verb.
- 7. Restore parallel structure Original: financially and free from Suggested revision: financially and are free from Why it matters: The second coordinated complement needs its own verb to remain parallel.
- 8. Choose precise noun Original: pay for all their needs Suggested revision: cover all their expenses Why it matters: Expenses are what parents pay, whereas needs are met or provided for.
- 9. Add clause comma Original: when questioned 10 years later 84% Suggested revision: when questioned 10 years later, 84% Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory dependent clause from the main clause.
- 10. Make phrasing direct Original: the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life is during adolescence Suggested revision: adolescence is the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life Why it matters: The direct construction is more concise while preserving the claim.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: fend for themselves Suggested revision: support themselves Why it matters: Support themselves conveys the same meaning in a more formal register.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: doing a job they don’t enjoy Suggested revision: working in a job they do not enjoy Why it matters: Working in a job is the more natural collocation in formal writing.
Suggested Rewrites
- despite things like a job, family and money concerns despite responsibilities such as work, family, and financial concerns
- , rather than rather than
- Upon reaching maturity people Upon reaching maturity, people
- , which more often than not, leads , which often leads
- in exchange for money to earn an income
- Belfast found Belfast, found
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its confident, generally accurate language and clear progression from adult pressures to teenage freedom. Its main limitation is task coverage: it does not genuinely explain why some people consider adulthood happier, so one required view remains largely unaddressed. The highest priority is to add a distinct, developed argument for adult happiness before weighing both positions against the stated opinion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and the case for teenage happiness is developed, but the opposing view that adulthood can be happier is not actually explored.
Develop a separate reason why adulthood may bring greater happiness, then compare it explicitly with the preferred view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically through adult pressures and teenage advantages, although the response lacks clear paragraph breaks and relies on conspicuous signposting.
Use distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs so the two views and final judgement are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary, including terms such as adolescence, dependents, and financially, conveys the argument effectively.
Refine occasional overgeneralised or slightly awkward phrasing and reduce repetition around happiness and freedom.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only occasional punctuation and modifier-control lapses.
Polish comma placement and the control of long relative-clause sentences to make the syntax consistently precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.