Some countries are considering imposing curfews in which teenagers will not be allowed outdoors at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this policy?
Sample Response
Some governments are considering proposals to institute curfews for teenagers that would require them to be in the presence of an adult after certain hours. In my opinion, the marginal benefits of such a policy would be greatly outweighed by its social drawbacks.
One the one hand, requiring teenagers to remain at home at night could help curb juvenile delinquency. In certain cities, it is common for particular neighborhoods to be full of criminal activity late at night. A teenager who is either engaging in such activity or simply passing through those areas is at significant risk. By staying home, teenagers would be forced to engage in more wholesome activities and the authorities would be better able to police the streets. In this way, governments could limit both crimes commited by and upon teenagers.
However, the cases mentioned above affect a minority of teenagers while this reform would impair the social growth of the majority. Ensuring teenagers stay home essentially limits their social acquaintances to within their family. In many situations, if the family is small or there are issues related to abuse, this could foster an unhealthy psychological and social dependence. When teenagers hang out with friends at concerts, malls, parks, and other public venues they begin to develop their identity and manage the demands of interpersonal relationships. Any reforms that hinder such growth are negative for the progress of society more generally.
In conclusion, despite the positive effect a curfew would have on misbehavior, such suggestions should be ignored in order to guarantee the healthy social development of adolescents. There are less restrictive methods of reducing juvenile deliquency that could instead be considered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix linking phrase Original: One Suggested revision: On Why it matters: The standard contrastive linker begins with On.
- 2. Correct spelling Original: commited Suggested revision: committed Why it matters: Committed requires a double t in this form.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: upon Suggested revision: against Why it matters: Crimes are committed against people, not upon them.
- 4. Use precise reference Original: cases mentioned above Suggested revision: situations described above Why it matters: Situations more accurately refers to the unsafe circumstances described in the preceding paragraph.
- 5. Add introductory comma Original: other public venues they Suggested revision: other public venues, they Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory dependent clause.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: negative for the progress of society more generally Suggested revision: detrimental to social progress more generally Why it matters: Detrimental to is a more natural and concise academic collocation.
- 7. Clarify the effect Original: positive effect a curfew would have on misbehavior Suggested revision: positive effect a curfew could have in reducing misbehavior Why it matters: This wording states more precisely how the curfew would affect misbehavior.
- 8. Refer to proposals precisely Original: such suggestions should be ignored Suggested revision: such proposals should be rejected Why it matters: Proposals accurately refers to the policy, and rejected expresses the intended response more formally.
- 9. Correct spelling Original: deliquency Suggested revision: delinquency Why it matters: Delinquency is misspelled in the original phrase.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Ensuring teenagers stay home essentially limits their social acquaintances to within their family. Suggested revision: Ensuring that teenagers stay home essentially limits their social contacts to family members. Why it matters: This rewrite corrects the clause pattern and replaces the unnatural phrase social acquaintances to within.
- 11. Strengthen internal progression Suggested revision: Link the family-dependence example more explicitly to the paragraph’s main point about restricted social development. Why it matters: The paragraph moves from limited contacts to dependence without clearly marking how the second point develops the first.
Suggested Rewrites
- One On
- commited committed
- upon against
- cases mentioned above situations described above
- other public venues they other public venues, they
- negative for the progress of society more generally detrimental to social progress more generally
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongly organized, states a decisive position, and develops its reasoning through clear, fluent paragraphs. Its main limitation is that much of the social-drawback argument treats the proposal as requiring teenagers to stay home, overlooking the stated option of going out with an adult. The highest-priority improvement is to address that exception directly and show why the restricted independence would still cause the claimed harm.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear opinion and develops both benefits and drawbacks, but its main objection partly misrepresents the adult-accompaniment exception.
Analyse the actual restriction on unaccompanied outings and explain why adult accompaniment would still impede teenagers' development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the limited public-safety benefit to the broader social cost, with effective paragraphing and referencing.
Make the contrast even tighter by explicitly linking the minority-benefit claim to the policy's universal scope.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only isolated spelling slips and a few slightly awkward combinations.
Proofread spellings such as committed and delinquency and refine occasional phrasing around family-only social contact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and nearly all sentences are clear and error-free.
Maintain this control while checking small preposition and introductory-phrase slips during final proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some countries are considering imposing curfews in which teenagers will not be allowed outdoors at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this policy?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.