Television has brought great changes to the way many children spend their leisure time. While some of these changes have been beneficial, others have had a harmful effect. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The way in which numerous children spend their free time has changed significantly through the advent of television. This change in activity, however, has had both a positive and negative effect on these children. Compared to past leisure activities, television has been beneficial for a child’s education and entertainment. Before the invention of television, children often listened to educational programmes on the radio. But unlike radio which is only audio, television is both audio and image. Children today not only listen to but can also watch programmes on television, such as a kindergarten teacher teaching the alphabet. The extra dimension of the image makes learning the alphabet simpler, and it is also easier to remember. Furthermore, in the past, young children often played with toys. However, many children found these toys dull and boring to play with. Young children today find television much more entertaining. They regularly watch cartoons after school. This helps them to relax and unwind. In contrast to those benefits, television has been harmful to a child’s physical and social development. Before television, which is an indoor sedentary activity, children played outdoors more frequently. Children of modern times spend less time outdoors and tend to sit in front of the television indoors for too long. As a result of this inactivity, there is an increasing amount of unfit and overweight children in the world. In addition, previously, children spent more time talking with their friends face-to-face. Television rather is a passive activity with no direct interaction. To make matters worse children of today often watch television in isolation. Consequently, many children have fewer friends through the poor social skills they have developed. In conclusion, television as a leisure activity for children has both benefits and drawbacks. Therefore, when children watch television, the programmes they should watch narrowing down to either educational or entertaining. However, they must balance the outdoor activities and engage with their friends.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural quantification Original: numerous Suggested revision: many Why it matters: “Many children” is the more natural phrase in this general statement.
- 2. Correct the causal phrase Original: through Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “With the advent of” is the standard expression for a change accompanying an invention.
- 3. Use parallel plurals Original: both a positive and negative effect Suggested revision: both positive and negative effects Why it matters: The paired adjectives describe two types of effect, so the plural form is required.
- 4. Correct the preposition Original: beneficial for a child’s education Suggested revision: beneficial to children’s education Why it matters: “Beneficial” takes “to,” and the plural matches the general reference to children.
- 5. Keep the structure parallel Original: not only listen to but can also watch Suggested revision: not only listen to but also watch Why it matters: The paired construction requires parallel verb phrases after “not only” and “but also.”
- 6. Avoid lexical repetition Original: teaching Suggested revision: presenting Why it matters: This avoids repeating “teacher” and “teaching” in the same short phrase.
- 7. Use a precise expression Original: The extra dimension of the image Suggested revision: The visual dimension Why it matters: “The visual dimension” expresses the contribution of images more clearly and concisely.
- 8. Remove redundant wording Original: dull and boring to play with Suggested revision: unengaging Why it matters: “Dull” and “boring” repeat the same meaning.
- 9. Use a clear reference Original: those Suggested revision: these Why it matters: The demonstrative “these” refers directly to the benefits just discussed.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: Children of modern times Suggested revision: Children today Why it matters: This is the natural concise expression for contemporary children.
- 11. Remove redundant location Original: the television indoors Suggested revision: the television Why it matters: Watching television already implies the indoor setting established in the preceding sentence.
- 12. Use the countable quantifier Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: “Children” is countable, so it requires “number” rather than “amount.”
Suggested Rewrites
- numerous many
- through with
- both a positive and negative effect both positive and negative effects
- beneficial for a child’s education beneficial to children’s education
- not only listen to but can also watch not only listen to but also watch
- teaching presenting
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay offers a clear balanced position and develops convincing educational, entertainment, physical-health, and social arguments, supported by relevant comparisons with earlier leisure activities. Its strongest feature is the breadth and logical contrast of benefits and harms. The main limitation is presentation and grammatical control, especially the lack of paragraphing and an inaccurate concluding sentence. Prioritise distinct benefit and drawback paragraphs and a precise final recommendation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue fully with a clear balanced position and well-explained positive and negative effects.
State the extent of agreement more explicitly and qualify broad claims about toys, obesity, and friendship with specific or cautious examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from educational and entertainment benefits to physical and social harms, but the essay is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Use an introduction, separate benefit and harm paragraphs, and a conclusion, keeping one central idea in each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently flexible for education, entertainment, health, and social interaction, though several collocations are imprecise.
Use 'audio-visual medium', 'number of overweight children', 'passive activity', and 'weaker social skills'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures communicates the argument clearly, but agreement, word order, articles, punctuation, and the final recommendation contain noticeable errors.
Correct the conclusion to 'Children should be limited to suitable educational or entertaining programmes while balancing screen time with outdoor and social activities'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Television has brought great changes to the way many children spend their leisure time. While some of these changes have been beneficial, others have had a harmful effect. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.