Watching TV is bad for children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons with specific examples to support your answer.
Sample Response
The television is a remarkable technological advancement which has become a part of our daily lives. Children, as well as, adults watch TV for various reasons. It has various effects on children especially as a result of their young minds which can easily be influenced by what they see. Watching television has its pros and cons but I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages for reasons which I am going to mention below. Firstly, TV has become a very important educational tool for children. For example, educational programmes such as Sesame Street, Barney and friends etc. program have been an integral part of my childhood and helped me in numerous ways to improve my English vocabulary, understanding of some simple arithmetic and a lot of other things of educational importance. Secondly, the television helps children to know more about the world around them. For instance, certain programmes are aired about geography, history, animals and a lot of other important things. This helps the child to know about the differences between continents, the weather variations across countries and other important worldly affairs. It was through television that I first knew about time differences across the globe and its correlation with latitude. In addition, TV helps to improve bonding within the family. This happens when the whole family sit in the living room to enjoy a nice family programme such as family movies or current affairs programme such as ‘Who wants to be a millionaire’. In conclusion, the television remains an important tool in a person’s childhood. Nonetheless, parents have to ensure children watch the right programmes and do no spend an awful lot of time watching TV at the detriment of other important things the child needs to do.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use generic noun Original: The television is a remarkable Suggested revision: Television is a remarkable Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to television as a medium in general.
- 2. Remove misplaced comma Original: Children, as well as, adults Suggested revision: Children, as well as adults, Why it matters: The phrase ‘as well as adults’ is parenthetical, so the comma belongs after the full phrase, not after ‘as well as’.
- 3. Set off emphasis Original: effects on children especially Suggested revision: effects on children, especially Why it matters: A comma helps ‘especially’ introduce the following explanation rather than modify ‘children’.
- 4. Clarify the cause Original: as a result of their young minds Suggested revision: because their young minds Why it matters: The conjunction ‘because’ correctly introduces the clause explaining children's susceptibility.
- 5. Add clause comma Original: has its pros and cons but Suggested revision: has its pros and cons, but Why it matters: A comma is required before ‘but’ when it joins two independent clauses.
- 6. Use concise signposting Original: for reasons which I am going to mention below Suggested revision: for the following reasons Why it matters: The revision provides the same signposting more concisely.
- 7. Avoid weak intensifier Original: a very important educational tool Suggested revision: an important educational tool Why it matters: ‘Very’ adds little precision to the already strong adjective ‘important’.
- 8. Use consistent generic noun Original: Secondly, the television Suggested revision: Secondly, television Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to the medium generally.
- 9. Use natural verb pattern Original: helps children to know more Suggested revision: helps children learn more Why it matters: ‘Help someone learn’ is the more natural construction for gaining knowledge.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: programmes are aired about Suggested revision: programmes cover Why it matters: Programmes ‘cover’ subjects, while ‘aired about’ is not a natural collocation.
- 11. Use precise academic wording Original: a lot of other important things Suggested revision: many other important topics Why it matters: ‘Topics’ identifies the subject matter more precisely than ‘things’.
- 12. Use consistent plural Original: This helps the child Suggested revision: This helps children Why it matters: The essay discusses children generally, so the plural form is more consistent.
Suggested Rewrites
- The television is a remarkable Television is a remarkable
- Children, as well as, adults Children, as well as adults,
- effects on children especially effects on children, especially
- as a result of their young minds because their young minds
- has its pros and cons but has its pros and cons, but
- for reasons which I am going to mention below for the following reasons
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, consistent view and supports it with relevant educational and family examples, with the personal learning example particularly effective. Its main limitation is that the benefits are developed more fully than the possible harms, while the single-block structure weakens readability. Prioritise a more explicit explanation of why controlled viewing outweighs the risks, and divide the ideas into purposeful paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by several relevant, generally developed reasons and examples.
Develop the parental-control qualification into a direct explanation of why the benefits still outweigh the acknowledged risks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly signposted reasons, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs so each main idea has a clear structural role.
Lexical Resource
A varied vocabulary conveys the ideas precisely overall, despite occasional awkward collocations and repetition.
Refine combinations such as 'worldly affairs' and reduce repeated general phrases like 'important things'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of simple and complex structures is evident, though several agreement, punctuation, and form errors remain.
Proofread especially for subject-verb agreement and small form errors such as 'the family sit' and 'do no spend'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Watching TV is bad for children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons with specific examples to support your answer.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.