Children nowadays watch TV programmes more than ever before. Is watching television good or bad for children?
Sample Response
In recent years, television has become popular in the most parts of the world. As a result, children have an easy access to a TV set or even their mobile phone serves many TV channels. Undoubtedly, this may have a significant impact on the development of the youth. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of children watching television will be analysed and the author's opinion provided at the end.
On the up side, the youngest people of society have an additional resource of useful information by watching broadcasted programmes. For instance, they can learn about nature, science and politics from documentaries. Additionally, children may see the complex relationships of adults in dramas. Therefore, they might become more empathetic. Another major positive aspect of staying on end in front of a screen is that it is possible to learn a foreign language. In my experience, some of my friends honed their English language skills when they were younger. To sum up, it can be seen that television can be an alternative to learning.
Turning to the other side of the argument, watching television can affect children in a negative way. Firstly, a lot of films are created that are praised for the special effects, not for the underlying ideas. Thus, children may waste their time by enjoying only the views. Secondly, generally speaking, offensive language and violence are used to make films more intense. As a result, the youth might think that being aggressive in daily situations can be a solution to some of their personal problems. Therefore, our society can become more competitive and justify violence in the future. It is clear now, why some broadcasted programmes are considered negative.
In conclusion, the benefits and drawbacks of children watching television were analysed. Noteworthy is the fact that the usefulness of the delivered information by broadcasting depends solely on the personal choice. In my opinion, the advantages of television outweigh the disadvantages as I believe that children either can choose wisely what to watch themselves or they are advised by their parents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the most parts of the world Suggested revision: in most parts of the world Why it matters: ‘Most’ directly modifies the plural noun and does not take ‘the’ here.
- 2. Use direct child reference Original: development of the youth Suggested revision: development of young people Why it matters: ‘Young people’ is more natural and specific than the collective expression ‘the youth’.
- 3. Restore passive auxiliary Original: the author's opinion provided at the end Suggested revision: the author’s opinion will be provided at the end Why it matters: The second passive verb phrase requires its own future auxiliary.
- 4. Fix fixed expression Original: On the up side Suggested revision: On the positive side Why it matters: ‘On the positive side’ is the standard expression for introducing advantages.
- 5. Use concise noun Original: the youngest people of society Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The task concerns children, and this direct noun is clearer than the awkward circumlocution.
- 6. Use correct information term Original: resource of useful information Suggested revision: source of useful information Why it matters: A programme is a ‘source’ of information, whereas a ‘resource’ has a different function.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: see the complex relationships of adults Suggested revision: observe complex adult relationships Why it matters: The revised collocation expresses the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 8. Fix duration expression Original: staying on end in front of a screen Suggested revision: spending long periods in front of a screen Why it matters: ‘On end’ must follow a stated period, so it is malformed in the original phrase.
- 9. Clarify learning role Original: television can be an alternative to learning Suggested revision: television can be an alternative learning resource Why it matters: Television may support learning, but it cannot logically be an alternative to learning itself.
- 10. Use concise adverb Original: affect children in a negative way Suggested revision: negatively affect children Why it matters: The adverb expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 11. Use film vocabulary Original: enjoying only the views Suggested revision: focusing only on the visuals Why it matters: ‘Visuals’ is the appropriate term for a film's surface images and effects.
- 12. Use natural group noun Original: As a result, the youth might think Suggested revision: As a result, young people might think Why it matters: ‘Young people’ is more natural and avoids an impersonal collective label.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the most parts of the world in most parts of the world
- development of the youth development of young people
- the author's opinion provided at the end the author’s opinion will be provided at the end
- On the up side On the positive side
- the youngest people of society children
- resource of useful information source of useful information
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, balanced development of educational benefits and behavioural risks, supported by relevant examples and a definite final judgement. Its main limitation is imprecise phrasing, which occasionally makes otherwise sensible points sound unnatural or overstated. The highest priority is to refine collocations and qualify the weaker causal claims, particularly the suggestion that televised aggression will make society more competitive and accepting of violence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly considers both positive and negative effects, supports them with examples, and gives a clear view that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Strengthen the final judgement by weighing the educational benefits against the behavioural risks rather than relying mainly on parental or personal choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in clear, purposeful paragraphs with logical progression, though some linking expressions are formulaic or unnecessarily frequent.
Reduce mechanical signposting such as repeated summary and result markers, and let the relationship between adjacent sentences carry more of the progression.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a good range of relevant vocabulary, but several awkward collocations and imprecise expressions limit lexical control.
Replace phrases such as ‘staying on end’, ‘enjoying only the views’, and ‘delivered information by broadcasting’ with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is generally controlled and meaning remains clear, despite occasional article, word-order, and punctuation errors.
Check article use and parallel structure, especially in phrases such as ‘easy access’ and the final ‘either … or’ construction.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children nowadays watch TV programmes more than ever before. Is watching television good or bad for children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.