Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?
Sample Response
It has been around forty years since television was first introduced into Australian households and people today still have mixed views on whether it has a positive or a negative influence on the society.
Many people believe that television damages culture. It promotes the stronger cultures of countries such as Britain and North America and weakens the cultures of less wealthy countries. This is because the stronger, wealthier countries are able to assert their own culture by producing more programs that are shown widely around the world. These programs then influence people, particularly young people, in the countries where they are shown.
Also, because television networks need to attract large audiences to secure their financial survival, they must produce programs which are interesting to a broad range of people. In Australia this range is very broad because we are a multicultural society and people of all ages like to watch television. To interest all these different people, most television programs are short in length, full of action and excitement, do not require much intelligence or knowledge to understand, and follow universal themes common to all cultures, such as love and crime. Television programs which concentrate on or develop themes pertinent to one particular culture are not so successful because they interest a smaller audience.
Nevertheless we much acknowledge that television does have some positive effects on the cultures within a society as well. People who do not live within their own culture can, in a limited way, access it through the multicultural station on the television. For example, Aboriginal children who have grown up in white families, or migrants and international students living in Australia, can watch programs from their own culture on the television.
In conclusion, I hold the view that television promotes and strengthens those cultures that are wealthy and influential while it weakens the cultures that are already in a weakened position.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: influence on the society Suggested revision: influence on society Why it matters: Society is used in a general sense here, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 2. Use inclusive category Original: countries Suggested revision: places Why it matters: Places accurately accommodates both examples without assigning them the same geographical category.
- 3. Clarify cultural strength Original: the stronger, wealthier countries Suggested revision: wealthier, more influential countries Why it matters: Influential states the relevant kind of strength more precisely.
- 4. Improve verb choice Original: assert Suggested revision: promote Why it matters: Promote is the more natural verb for spreading cultural content through programmes.
- 5. Make phrasing concise Original: programs that are shown widely around the world Suggested revision: programs that are broadcast worldwide Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more concisely and precisely.
- 6. Use formal collocation Original: secure their financial survival Suggested revision: ensure their financial viability Why it matters: Financial viability is a more precise collocation for a network's ability to continue operating.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: In Australia this range Suggested revision: In Australia, this range Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory location phrase.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: short in length Suggested revision: short Why it matters: The words in length repeat meaning already contained in short.
- 9. Use natural verb Original: programs which concentrate on or develop themes Suggested revision: programs that focus on or develop themes Why it matters: Focus on is more natural than concentrate on when describing a programme's subject matter.
- 10. Correct modal and comma Original: Nevertheless we much acknowledge Suggested revision: Nevertheless, we must acknowledge Why it matters: The modal must corrects the word error, and the introductory connector requires a comma.
- 11. Use natural media term Original: the multicultural station on the television Suggested revision: a multicultural television channel Why it matters: Television channel is the standard term, and the indefinite article fits the first reference.
- 12. Avoid repetitive wording Original: cultures that are already in a weakened position Suggested revision: cultures that are already less influential Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating weakens while preserving the intended comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- influence on the society influence on society
- countries places
- the stronger, wealthier countries wealthier, more influential countries
- assert promote
- programs that are shown widely around the world programs that are broadcast worldwide
- secure their financial survival ensure their financial viability
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, well-supported judgement and develops a persuasive explanation of how television favours dominant cultures, while also acknowledging a relevant benefit for minority communities. Its main limitation is occasional awkward or erroneous wording, which slightly reduces polish. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread carefully for small word-choice and grammatical slips while preserving the focused development and balanced qualification.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly evaluates television’s cultural impact in Australia, sustains a clear predominantly negative position, and supports it with developed relevant ideas.
Strengthen the positive qualification slightly by explaining more fully how access to cultural programming affects cultural development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear progression, with well-controlled paragraphing and cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Make the transition from the broad negative effects to the Australian multicultural example even more explicitly comparative.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately formal, with strong control of terms related to cultural influence and broadcasting.
Replace occasional awkward repetition such as repeated references to television and weakened cultures with more economical phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide variety of complex structures accurately, while a few minor slips such as much acknowledge prevent fully consistent control.
Proofread for isolated word-form errors, article choices, and missing punctuation after introductory linking expressions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.