Some people say the Government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
What would the world be like without Shakespeare or the Olympics? While medical care and education are perhaps the highest causes to which money can be contributed, the arts and athletics are in some ways just as valuable. So, to ask the government to not extend support to these two areas could be just as detrimental to the welfare of society as the lack of sufficient health care and education. The Romans believed in “Mens sana in corpore sano”, usually translated as "a sound mind in a sound body". In short, that there is indeed a correlation between a healthy body and healthy mind. When we are healthy, we feel better and so are more likely to be productive academically. Plus, the practice of sports can also teach us the very same discipline we need for our studies. Why even a brisk walk or watching an exciting athletic match can refresh the mind for greater work. Moreover, sports can serve to create healthier bodies, which in turn would serve as a form of “preventive medicine” thereby cutting down on medical costs. In the same vein, the arts are known to induce a sense of well-being in performers and audience alike, reducing mental problems and their associated physical manifestations and again, medical costs. As such, building theatres and stadiums, which spur interest in the arts and sports respectively, actually would be practically identical to spending money on medical care and education! Now I realise the question specifically addresses the building of theatres and sports stadiums by the government. Some people would contend athletics and the arts can still be enjoyed and practised without such constructions. I would assert that these buildings stand as the altars to the sports and art worlds, inspiring would-be athletes and performers. Without such venues where would sports spectators and music aficionados be able to enjoy these events? Now some other people would also say business could support their construction, but we know the avarice of business could very likely jeopardise the lofty spirit of athletics and the arts just as well. Therefore, allowing the government to retain some say in the matter on behalf of the people would, I believe, be in the best interest of the people. In short, as long as the government does no go overboard in its expenditures for these buildings and uses such venues for the benefit of all, then, as mentioned above, people will benefit in terms of both medical care and education as well. This is not to say the government should neglect medical care and education, but rather to think of this not as an either-or choice but as a win-win situation for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use funding collocation Original: highest causes to which money can be contributed Suggested revision: highest priorities to which money can be allocated Why it matters: Governments allocate money to priorities rather than contribute it to causes in this construction.
- 2. Place negation correctly Original: government to not extend support Suggested revision: government not to extend support Why it matters: The negative particle should precede the infinitive phrase.
- 3. Use natural activity phrase Original: the practice of sports Suggested revision: participation in sports Why it matters: “Participation in sports” is the conventional expression for taking part.
- 4. Remove discourse marker Original: Why even Suggested revision: Even Why it matters: “Why” does not serve a grammatical function in this declarative sentence.
- 5. Clarify intended productivity Original: greater work Suggested revision: more productive work Why it matters: “Greater” does not specify the improvement in work being claimed.
- 6. Use plural group noun Original: audience Suggested revision: audiences Why it matters: The general reference to groups of listeners requires the plural form.
- 7. Remove redundant overstatement Original: actually would be practically identical Suggested revision: would therefore be comparable Why it matters: “Actually,” “practically,” and “identical” overstate and duplicate the comparison.
- 8. Add introductory comma Original: Without such venues where Suggested revision: Without such venues, where Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory prepositional phrase.
- 9. Use concise pronoun Original: some other people Suggested revision: others Why it matters: “Others” expresses the contrasting group without redundant words.
- 10. Use precise general phrase Original: avarice of business Suggested revision: profit motives of businesses Why it matters: The replacement identifies the commercial concern clearly and avoids an overly charged abstraction.
- 11. Correct missing letter Original: no Suggested revision: not Why it matters: The negative auxiliary requires “not.”
- 12. Use concise result link Original: and so are more likely Suggested revision: and are therefore more likely Why it matters: “Therefore” links health to productivity more precisely than the loose coordinator “so.”
Suggested Rewrites
- highest causes to which money can be contributed highest priorities to which money can be allocated
- government to not extend support government not to extend support
- the practice of sports participation in sports
- Why even Even
- greater work more productive work
- audience audiences
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response offers a sophisticated, balanced disagreement, connecting arts and sports investment to preventive health, education, public inspiration, and protection from purely commercial control. Its main weakness is presentation: the entire argument forms one paragraph, and a few fragments and rhetorical flourishes interrupt an otherwise strong progression. Prioritise clear paragraphing around social benefits, venue necessity, and funding responsibility while retaining the nuanced conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A nuanced position is fully developed through several relevant arguments, counterarguments, and a clear condition on public expenditure.
Support the claim about commercial funding with a concrete example rather than relying mainly on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses coherently through social value, venue need, and funding responsibility, but the absence of paragraph breaks obscures that structure.
Divide the response into focused paragraphs for benefits, the necessity of venues, alternative funding, and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and often precise, with occasional overly rhetorical or figurative choices.
Use expressions such as 'altars to the sports and art worlds' and 'avarice of business' more cautiously in an academic essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and generally well controlled, though fragments, punctuation lapses, and a minor typo remain.
Convert fragments such as 'In short, that...' and 'Why even...' into complete sentences and proofread 'does no go'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say the Government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.