People in many countries are spending more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families?
Sample Response
The trend of individuals spending significantly less time with their families has become increasingly widespread and pronounced. I believe that this is mainly driven by career and academic endeavours and it has significant negative repercussions for both families and individuals.
One of the primary reasons for this phenomenon is the demanding and competitive nature of our modern professional lives. Due to this people find themselves working longer hours, to satisfy the requirements of their superiors and get ahead in their careers. In addition, the technology of today has made it possible to stay connected 24/7, and this often blurs the lines between work and personal life, leading to extended work hours. The ease of international travel for work and study has also significantly contributed to more people spending less time with their families. With the rise of global job and study opportunities, many relocate to different countries. For instance, the pursuit of higher education often requires studying in distant locations, causing young adults to spend years away from their families.
This increasing separation from family has profound negative effects on both individuals and families. On a personal level, a long absence from family can lead to feelings of isolation and stress, especially for young students who have never been away from home before. In terms of how this trend affects families, especially those with young children, lack of contact with a family member can impact emotional bonding and family dynamics. In the long run this could potentially cause a sense of detachment between certain family members that could be difficult to repair.
In conclusion, the growing trend of spending time away from family is driven by mainly professional and educational commitments. While this trend offers opportunities for professional growth and development, it challenges the traditional family structure and the emotional well-being of those separated from their loved ones.
Overall, the essay is a good example of a Band 8 work.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove overlapping wording Original: widespread and pronounced Suggested revision: widespread Why it matters: The two adjectives convey nearly the same idea here, so one is sufficient.
- 2. Improve the transition Original: Due to this people Suggested revision: Consequently, people Why it matters: The replacement clearly marks the result and supplies the required punctuation.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: longer hours, to satisfy Suggested revision: longer hours to satisfy Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the verb phrase from its purpose infinitive.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: technology of today Suggested revision: today's technology Why it matters: The possessive form is a more concise and idiomatic expression.
- 5. Use formal wording Original: connected 24/7 Suggested revision: connected around the clock Why it matters: The written phrase is more appropriate for a formal essay than numerical shorthand.
- 6. Use concise causation Original: significantly contributed to more people spending Suggested revision: led more people to spend Why it matters: The replacement expresses the causal relationship more directly and naturally.
- 7. Refine the expression Original: a long absence from family Suggested revision: a prolonged absence from one's family Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and includes the needed possessive relationship.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: impact emotional bonding Suggested revision: affect emotional bonds Why it matters: 'Affect emotional bonds' is the more natural verb-noun combination in this context.
- 9. Add introductory comma Original: In the long run this Suggested revision: In the long run, this Why it matters: A comma should follow this introductory adverbial phrase.
- 10. Remove redundant hedging Original: could potentially cause Suggested revision: could cause Why it matters: 'Could' already expresses possibility, making 'potentially' redundant.
- 11. Place adverb correctly Original: driven by mainly Suggested revision: driven mainly by Why it matters: The focusing adverb should appear before the prepositional phrase it modifies.
Suggested Rewrites
- widespread and pronounced widespread
- Due to this people Consequently, people
- longer hours, to satisfy longer hours to satisfy
- technology of today today's technology
- connected 24/7 connected around the clock
- significantly contributed to more people spending led more people to spend
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, develops several convincing causes and effects, and maintains a clear progression throughout. Its main weakness is minor imprecision in a few sentences and the unnecessary closing comment that evaluates the essay itself rather than advancing the argument. The best improvement is to remove that meta-comment and polish sentence-level phrasing and punctuation so the otherwise mature discussion remains consistently controlled.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the reasons for family separation and its effects are addressed directly with relevant, well-developed explanations and examples.
Remove the final self-evaluative sentence and use that space, if needed, to sharpen one family-level consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly with minimal strain.
Integrate the conclusion as the true ending rather than adding a detached meta-comment afterward.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only occasional slightly unnatural phrasing.
Polish collocations such as impact emotional bonding and driven by mainly to make expression consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only minor punctuation and word-order slips.
Review introductory commas and adverb placement to eliminate the few remaining lapses in otherwise strong control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in many countries are spending more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.