Today, people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? What effects does this have on the people themselves and on their families?
Sample Response
In today’s world, many individuals find that they have less time with the family. Before, such occurrences were limited to just a few places, but now, citizens in many countries experience something similar. Although the situation may be viewed as a necessary sacrifice for some, there are consequences.
One reason why this is happening is that the increased standard of living is requiring breadwinners to seek better opportunities farther from home. Domestically, this may mean working in a nearby town or city on the weekdays and going home on the weekends. But other times, the search for greener pastures often requires them to work abroad for months or years. Another reason for this shift is society’s promotion of independence. Nowadays, a person is considered mature and successful if they can live independently. Thus, many teens leave home early, preferring to study in faraway cities. Such independence may also encourage spouses to maintain separate career paths that keep them away from one another for extended periods.
Unfortunately, such a long time apart takes its toll on individuals and their families. Homesickness is often a result of time away from the family, leading to depression. If such persons cannot recover quickly, their jobs or studies are often greatly affected, leading to even more problems - a vicious cycle. As for their families, the lengthy separation usually weakens the family bonds, despite the availability of communication technology. Children often do not feel their absentee parent’s love, causing resentment in some cases. The relationship between spouses is particularly strained, which is why marital affairs and divorce often occur.
To conclude, because of the general need to provide for the family and achieve personal success, this trend of living apart is slowly becoming the norm. However, if strong family bonds are to be maintained, families should consider other ways to earn or ensure that meaningful communication between members is somehow sustained.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural reference Original: less time with the family Suggested revision: less time with their families Why it matters: The plural subject “individuals” requires a matching plural possessive reference.
- 2. Use precise reference Original: such occurrences Suggested revision: this pattern Why it matters: The revision refers more clearly to spending time away from family.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: experience something similar Suggested revision: experience the same pattern Why it matters: A specific reference creates clearer cohesion with the preceding clause.
- 4. Use natural tense Original: the increased standard of living is requiring Suggested revision: a higher standard of living requires Why it matters: The simple present and revised noun phrase describe this general cause more naturally.
- 5. Correct time prepositions Original: on the weekdays and going home on the weekends Suggested revision: on weekdays and going home at weekends Why it matters: These time expressions do not need the first article, and “at weekends” is the standard British form.
- 6. Use complete transition Original: But Suggested revision: At Why it matters: The preposition is needed to form the transitional expression correctly.
- 7. Use formal register Original: many teens Suggested revision: many young people Why it matters: “Young people” is more appropriate for a formal essay.
- 8. Improve expression Original: such a long time apart Suggested revision: such long periods apart Why it matters: The revision describes repeated or extended separations more naturally.
- 9. Use natural reference Original: such persons Suggested revision: these individuals Why it matters: The revision is more natural and maintains a clear reference to the affected people.
- 10. Use an em dash Original: problems - a vicious cycle Suggested revision: problems—a vicious cycle Why it matters: An em dash correctly sets off the concluding description.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: the family bonds Suggested revision: family bonds Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not take the definite article here.
- 12. Complete the expression Original: other ways to earn Suggested revision: other ways to earn a living Why it matters: “Earn a living” is the complete collocation required by the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- less time with the family less time with their families
- such occurrences this pattern
- experience something similar experience the same pattern
- the increased standard of living is requiring a higher standard of living requires
- on the weekdays and going home on the weekends on weekdays and going home at weekends
- But At
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a direct, well-organised account of why people spend time away from their families and develops effects on individuals, children, and spouses with strong lexical and grammatical control. Its main limitation is that several serious consequences, especially marital affairs and divorce, are stated rather categorically without much qualification or explanation. The highest-priority improvement is to substantiate or qualify these causal claims more carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are fully addressed with relevant, well-developed reasons and effects for both individuals and families.
Qualify or further explain the strongest causal claims about depression, affairs, and divorce.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, paragraphs have clear central purposes, and cohesion is managed smoothly.
Strengthen the internal link between each consequence and its supporting explanation rather than relying on enumeration.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, with effective expressions such as greener pastures, vicious cycle, and strained relationships.
Replace a few slightly awkward choices, such as on the weekdays and such persons, with more idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor awkwardness.
Polish occasional tense and aspect choices, particularly where a simple form would sound more natural than a progressive one.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? What effects does this have on the people themselves and on their families?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.