A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?
Sample Response
Nowadays tourism generates a significant portion of national income for many countries, but it has certain drawbacks too. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and provide a logical conclusion.
The two main advantages of developed tourism industry are boost in country’s economy and a large number of new job openings for the local people. Firstly, tourists spend money on a wide range of services, including hotels, amusements, transportation, food and medical services. This way, tourism yields an additional income, greatly supporting the country’s economy. Secondly, tourism increases the level of employment by bringing new jobs. For instance, the influx of tourists results in a larger demand in restaurant workers, tour guides, hotel staff and employees of retail services, exhorting business owners to hire more people for these positions.
But tourism also has some major disadvantages like destruction of popular tourist destinations and development of illegal economic activities. іAncient buildings, temples and monuments struggle to cope with a vast amount of visitor’s traffic and get damaged. Also, the large number of tourists can cause environmental problems. For instance, when places of interest are overcrowded, natural resources often become overexploited. What’s more, the presence of a considerable number of tourists with a lot of money to spend, and often carrying valuables such as cameras and jewelry, increases the attraction for criminals and brings with it activities like robbery and drug dealing. However, proper hospitality management and correct usage of tourism revenue by the local government can eliminate these disadvantages.
To conclude, although tourism can have certain negative effects like destructive impact and growth of crime rate, it has an extremely positive influence on country’s economy and provides a large number of new jobs for the local people. I believe that these benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: yields an additional income Suggested revision: generates additional income Why it matters: Generate income is the conventional collocation in this context.
- 2. Fix the preposition Original: a larger demand in restaurant workers Suggested revision: greater demand for restaurant workers Why it matters: Demand for is the correct prepositional pattern when referring to workers.
- 3. Choose the right verb Original: exhorting Suggested revision: prompting Why it matters: Exhorting implies forceful verbal encouragement, while prompting expresses the stated causal result.
- 4. Use formal exemplification Original: disadvantages like destruction Suggested revision: disadvantages such as the destruction Why it matters: Such as introduces the examples more appropriately in formal writing.
- 5. Add parallel structure Original: and development of illegal economic activities Suggested revision: and the growth of illegal economic activities Why it matters: The article and revised noun phrase create a parallel pair with the preceding disadvantage.
- 6. Remove incorrect character Original: іAncient Suggested revision: Ancient Why it matters: The initial character is a Cyrillic letter rather than the required Latin character.
- 7. Use noun modifier Original: visitor’s Suggested revision: visitor Why it matters: Visitor functions as a noun modifier here and should not be possessive.
- 8. Clarify the meaning Original: increases the attraction for criminals Suggested revision: makes the area more attractive to criminals Why it matters: The revision clearly identifies what becomes attractive to criminals.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: correct usage of tourism revenue Suggested revision: effective use of tourism revenue Why it matters: Effective use is the natural phrase for responsible allocation of revenue.
- 10. Refine formal phrasing Original: negative effects like destructive impact Suggested revision: negative effects such as a destructive impact Why it matters: The revision uses formal exemplification and supplies the required article.
- 11. Fix the noun phrase Original: growth of crime rate Suggested revision: an increase in the crime rate Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct article and preposition.
- 12. Use formal alternative Original: drawbacks too Suggested revision: drawbacks as well Why it matters: As well is a slightly more appropriate additive expression in this academic context.
Suggested Rewrites
- yields an additional income generates additional income
- a larger demand in restaurant workers greater demand for restaurant workers
- exhorting prompting
- disadvantages like destruction disadvantages such as the destruction
- and development of illegal economic activities and the growth of illegal economic activities
- іAncient Ancient
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response fully covers the requested advantages and disadvantages, maintains a clear judgement, and supports its points with relevant examples in a logical structure. Its main weakness is occasional imprecise or unnatural word choice, alongside some article and preposition errors. The best improvement would be to refine collocations and grammatical details while adding slightly more evaluation of why the stated benefits ultimately outweigh the harms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides, presents a clear position, and develops relevant economic, employment, environmental, and crime-related ideas.
Strengthen the comparison by explaining more explicitly why the economic and employment benefits outweigh the identified long-term costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in purposeful paragraphs, with clear progression and generally effective cohesive devices.
Make transitions less formulaic by linking examples and consequences directly to each paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but several collocations and word choices are awkward or inaccurate.
Refine phrases involving demand, visitor traffic, government spending, and crime so that nouns, verbs, and prepositions combine naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally good control, though minor article, possessive, and preposition errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases carefully for articles, plural possessives, and the correct prepositions after words such as demand and influence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.