Tourism is an excellent way to develop a country, but it can also cause harm. How can countries ensure that tourism benefits the development?
Sample Response
In general, it is a ubiquitous notion that almost the entire world’s poor live in countries where tourism is a growing industry. Despite this factor, tourism does not benefit the poorest. There are some beneficial ways that aid to generate the income by tourism in order to ameliorate the people’s lifestyle without annihilating traditional cultures. In this essay, I will cite several points as the reasons of this issue and will pursue to give some fitting solutions.
One of the basic causes of this problem is that the tourism economics is not being developed in a right way. The certain organisations get lofty money from tourism and invest the gained money to this business activity again. Subsequently, the available process persists protractedly. Hence, the poor cannot take advantage of it and their difficult life condition stays at its level. As the impeccable solution to this problem is that the government should impose the rule about creating the supplementary stock for poor people.
Another reason is forming from the low prices. Many tourists tend to come to the countries where the costs are cheaper. As an implication, the government cannot obtain the desirable amount of money and is obliged to soar the taxes. In this circumstance, poor people’s dwelling deteriorates gradually. In addition, the numerous of tourist can contribute to altering persons’ cultures and it can be a much bigger inevitable problem. As a solution for these issues is that the government must increase the costs in terms of tourism economics and decline the local people’s taxes. This remedy can balance both the harm and income of State easily.
Taking all things into account, there are manifold reasons for this problem. However, for every hard issue, there is one solution at least.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a logical reference Original: factor Suggested revision: situation Why it matters: “Situation” refers naturally to the preceding circumstance, whereas “factor” does not.
- 2. Fix the verb pattern Original: aid to generate the income by tourism Suggested revision: help generate income from tourism Why it matters: “Help” takes the base verb here, and “income from tourism” is the correct phrase.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: ameliorate the people’s lifestyle Suggested revision: improve people’s living standards Why it matters: “Improve living standards” is the natural collocation for economic benefit.
- 4. Avoid exaggerated wording Original: annihilating Suggested revision: damaging Why it matters: “Annihilating” overstates the harm, while “damaging” preserves the intended concern.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun “reasons” takes the preposition “for.”
- 6. Fix the verb phrase Original: will pursue to give Suggested revision: will propose Why it matters: “Pursue to give” is not a valid verb pattern in this context.
- 7. Use the correct term Original: economics Suggested revision: industry Why it matters: “Tourism industry” names the sector, whereas “tourism economics” names a field of study.
- 8. Use the definite article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The fixed expression is “in the right way.”
- 9. Remove unnecessary article Original: The certain organisations Suggested revision: Certain organisations Why it matters: “Certain” already identifies an unspecified subset, so “the” is not needed.
- 10. Use a natural collocation Original: get lofty money Suggested revision: earn substantial revenue Why it matters: “Lofty money” is not an English collocation for large tourism earnings.
- 11. Fix verb and preposition Original: invest the gained money to this business activity again Suggested revision: reinvest the revenue in this business Why it matters: “Reinvest” concisely expresses investing earnings again and takes “in.”
- 12. Clarify the process Original: the available process persists protractedly Suggested revision: this cycle continues indefinitely Why it matters: The replacement clearly describes the repeated reinvestment process.
Suggested Rewrites
- factor situation
- aid to generate the income by tourism help generate income from tourism
- ameliorate the people’s lifestyle improve people’s living standards
- annihilating damaging
- of for
- will pursue to give will propose
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response is strongest in attempting to connect tourism policy with benefits for poorer residents and in proposing government action. Its main limitation is that the proposed measures are only partly developed and are often supported by unclear or implausible reasoning, while pervasive inaccurate wording obscures the argument. The highest-priority improvement is to present two practical policies and explain their economic and social effects in precise, straightforward language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers some relevant measures, including directing revenue to poorer people and adjusting tourism charges, but it spends substantial space on unclear causes and develops the solutions weakly.
Focus directly on two feasible ways to retain and distribute tourism income, explaining how each would support national development and limit harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic linking words provide visible structure, but the line of reasoning is often difficult to follow and several conclusions do not arise logically from the preceding claims.
Build each body paragraph around one policy using a clear problem, action, and resulting benefit sequence.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a wide vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and inappropriate word choices such as references to lofty money and tourism economics regularly reduce clarity.
Use familiar, precise expressions such as tourism revenue, local investment, cultural protection, and lower taxes instead of uncertain formal vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows some attempts at complex sentences, but frequent errors in sentence construction, articles, agreement, plurals, and prepositions sometimes impede understanding.
Practise complete subject-verb sentence patterns and systematically check articles, countable nouns, and verb agreement.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Tourism is an excellent way to develop a country, but it can also cause harm. How can countries ensure that tourism benefits the development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.