Most of the poor in the world live in countries where tourism is a growing industry. The issue that tourism does not benefit the poorest is a concerning one. How can the income generated by tourism benefit the poor? And how can we ensure that tourism does not destroy traditional cultures and ways of life?
Sample Response
In general, it is a ubiquitous notion that almost the entire world's poor live in countries where tourism is a growing industry. Despite this factor, tourism does not benefit the poorest. There are some beneficial ways that aid to generate the income by tourism in order to ameliorate the people's lifestyle without annihilating traditional cultures. In this essay, I will cite several points as the reasons of this issue and will pursue to give some fitting solutions.
One of the basic causes of this problem is that the tourism economics is not being developed in a right way. The certain organisations get lofty money from tourism and invest the gained money to this business activity again. Subsequently, the available process persists protractedly. Hence, the poor cannot take advantage of it and their difficult life condition stays at its level. As the impeccable solution to this problem is that the government should impose the rule about creating the supplementary stock for poor people.
Another reason is forming from the low prices. Many tourists tend to come to the countries where the costs are cheaper. As an implication, the government cannot obtain the desirable amount of money and is obliged to soar the taxes. In this circumstance, poor people's dwelling deteriorates gradually. In addition, the numerous of tourist can contribute to altering people's cultures and it can be a much bigger inevitable problem. As a solution for these issues is that the government must increase the costs in terms of tourism economics and decline the local people's taxes. This remedy can balance both the harm and income of State easily.
Taking all things into account, there are manifold reasons for this problem. However, for every hard issue, there is one solution at least.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: a ubiquitous notion Suggested revision: a widely accepted view Why it matters: This phrase expresses the idea more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Fix noun phrase Original: almost the entire world's poor Suggested revision: almost all of the world's poor Why it matters: Use this structure to refer grammatically to nearly all poor people worldwide.
- 3. Clarify reference Original: Despite this factor Suggested revision: Despite this growth Why it matters: The replacement identifies tourism growth as the contrast rather than using the vague noun 'factor'.
- 4. Fix verb structure Original: ways that aid to generate Suggested revision: ways to generate Why it matters: The infinitive directly and grammatically modifies 'ways'.
- 5. Use correct preposition Original: the income by tourism Suggested revision: income from tourism Why it matters: Income is generated 'from' an activity, not 'by' it in this construction.
- 6. Choose precise term Original: the people's lifestyle Suggested revision: people's living standards Why it matters: Living standards more precisely describes the material conditions being improved.
- 7. Fix preposition Original: reasons of this issue Suggested revision: reasons for this issue Why it matters: The noun 'reasons' takes 'for' when naming the issue explained.
- 8. Fix verb pattern Original: will pursue to give Suggested revision: will attempt to provide Why it matters: 'Pursue' cannot take this infinitive construction.
- 9. Use accurate term Original: tourism economics is not being developed Suggested revision: tourism industry is not being managed Why it matters: 'Tourism economics' does not name the industry or the way its revenue is handled here.
- 10. Remove article Original: The certain organisations Suggested revision: Certain organisations Why it matters: No definite article is needed before the plural determiner 'certain'.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: get lofty money Suggested revision: earn large profits Why it matters: This is the natural expression for organisations receiving substantial financial returns.
- 12. Fix verb phrase Original: invest the gained money to Suggested revision: reinvest the money in Why it matters: 'Invest' takes 'in', while 'reinvest' accurately captures putting the revenue back into the activity.
Suggested Rewrites
- a ubiquitous notion a widely accepted view
- almost the entire world's poor almost all of the world's poor
- Despite this factor Despite this growth
- ways that aid to generate ways to generate
- the income by tourism income from tourism
- the people's lifestyle people's living standards
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a visible problem-solution structure and offers some relevant ideas, particularly directing tourism revenue towards poorer residents. However, it focuses heavily on causes, develops the proposed mechanisms only vaguely, and barely explains how traditional cultures can be protected. The priority is to answer both questions directly with distinct, practical measures and explain how each would work.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions receive some attention, but the response largely discusses causes and gives vague, insufficiently developed solutions, especially for cultural protection.
Give separate, practical measures for sharing tourism income and safeguarding culture, then explain the effect of each measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing creates a recognizable progression, though connections are sometimes mechanical and the conclusion does not meaningfully synthesize the argument.
Organize one body paragraph around each task question and use the conclusion to summarize the specific solutions proposed.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations make several ideas unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer accurate common collocations such as tourism revenue, living conditions, and cultural preservation over ambitious but unsuitable wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, sentence construction, and word forms reduce clarity.
Prioritize complete clause structures and systematically check articles, subject-verb agreement, and singular-plural forms.
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