Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development?
Sample Response
More developing countries are improving their tourism industries. Personally, I argue that this is a result of the improvement in the aviation industry, and it is on the whole, not a positive development; this is because the inevitable result of the rise of tourist industries is the corruption of local cultures in an attempt to appeal to tourists.
As production technology improves, it is now cheaper than ever to manufacture planes, diminishing the cost of international travel to developing countries. Technological improvements decrease the dependency upon human labor, which is often more expensive in the long run than machines for producing products such as airplanes. Furthermore, as companies grow, they acquire economies of scale, which means that the average cost of producing each unit decreases. This culminates in aviation companies such as Boeing being able to create vast quantities of planes every year, and flight agencies being able to offer flights to more far-fetched locations.
However, I argue that this rise in tourism to developing countries inevitably forces unwanted constraints on the locals as expectations of their cultural impact how many people come to visit and spend their disposable income on the local tourist industry, and as time goes on, the culture becomes performative and begins to lose its significance. Local populations, due to the imposition from markets, have to modify traditional customs in order to please foreign visitors, over time leaving behind a destination of little authenticity. “Overcommercialization" of cities is a recent yet prevalent phenomenon that can actually hurt the tourism industry in the long run.
Overall, I argue that although mass travel to developing countries has diminished significantly as a byproduct of cheaper plane production, it has brought with it the overwhelmingly negative effect of cultural erosion on these nations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise development verb Original: improving Suggested revision: expanding Why it matters: “Expanding” describes growth in the size of the sector more precisely than “improving.”
- 2. Avoid repeated general nouns Original: a result of the improvement in the aviation industry Suggested revision: a result of advances in the aviation industry Why it matters: “Advances” expresses technological progress more concisely and precisely.
- 3. Remove misplaced comma Original: on the whole, Suggested revision: on the whole Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the complement from “is.”
- 4. Clarify the result link Original: diminishing the cost Suggested revision: thereby reducing the cost Why it matters: “Thereby” makes the cause-and-effect relationship with cheaper production explicit.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: decrease the dependency upon human labor Suggested revision: reduce dependence on human labor Why it matters: “Reduce dependence on” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 6. Choose accurate verb Original: acquire Suggested revision: achieve Why it matters: Companies typically “achieve” rather than “acquire” economies of scale.
- 7. Correct location description Original: far-fetched locations Suggested revision: remote destinations Why it matters: “Far-fetched” means implausible and does not describe geographically distant places.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: forces unwanted constraints on the locals Suggested revision: imposes unwanted constraints on local people Why it matters: Constraints are “imposed on” people rather than “forced on” them in this construction.
- 9. Repair clause grammar Original: expectations of their cultural impact Suggested revision: expectations of their culture affect Why it matters: The original sequence lacks a verb linking cultural expectations to visitor numbers.
- 10. Use natural market phrase Original: the imposition from markets Suggested revision: market pressures Why it matters: “Market pressures” clearly expresses the commercial forces affecting local populations.
- 11. Improve preposition choice Original: of Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “With little authenticity” is the natural way to describe this characteristic of a destination.
- 12. Restore intended meaning Original: mass travel to developing countries has diminished significantly Suggested revision: the cost of travel to developing countries has diminished significantly Why it matters: The essay argues that travel costs have fallen, whereas the original wording says that travel itself has declined.
Suggested Rewrites
- improving expanding
- a result of the improvement in the aviation industry a result of advances in the aviation industry
- on the whole, on the whole
- diminishing the cost thereby reducing the cost
- decrease the dependency upon human labor reduce dependence on human labor
- acquire achieve
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and uses a well-developed cause-and-effect structure, with particularly strong explanation of cheaper air travel and cultural erosion. Its main limitation is a contradictory conclusion claiming that mass travel has diminished, which conflicts with the argument that tourism has risen. The highest priority is to check that the final summary accurately restates the central reasoning and position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with a clear negative position and relevant, substantially developed explanations.
Correct the contradictory claim about mass travel diminishing and ensure the conclusion precisely reflects the argument developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, cause paragraph, consequence paragraph, and conclusion, although some long sentences strain clarity.
Break the most densely layered sentences into shorter units so each causal relationship remains immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
A broad and topic-appropriate vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, though a few collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Refine combinations such as references to market pressure and distant destinations to make word choice more natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally strong control, while occasional clause construction and punctuation problems remain.
Review long multi-clause sentences for clear grammatical relationships and more controlled comma placement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.