Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is an undeniable fact that tourist spots in every country have become more popular and have so many visitors. The development of tourism has so many benefits, such as more income from tourists and exposure of culture, although the drawbacks of this development cannot be ignored. This essay discusses the drawbacks of tourism for such countries followed by relevant examples. I agree that the disadvantages of the tourism should be handled prudently to lessen its adverse effects on a country.
Firstly, tourism activities can threaten the traditional culture of a country. Local people tend to imitate the cultures that are brought by the tourists from their home countries. Based on a cultural research conducted in Indonesia last year, local people stated that their traditional cultures are not suitable to the modern era, whereas the cultures brought by tourists to their country are more suitable and modern. For example, more local people like wearing modern clothes rather than traditional one as well as they follow more modern dances than the traditional one.
Secondly, tourism can cause the bad effect to the environment. Take littering cases as an example. It is irrefutable fact that so many tourists ignore the policy about rubbish. Bali as a tourism destination, besides getting awards because of the successful tourism, this city is well-known for the rubbish as well. The government face the difficulty in handling this littering problem because the increasing number of tourists each year. Then, the local people get the effect to their environment, such as land pollution, flood, and air pollution because of the waste.
On the other hand, tourism can increase the national government income from tourists' visa and local people get the work-field as well as the chance to learn other cultures. For instance, local people can build home stay area for tourist and gain income from that business. It can reduce the number of unemployment people and grow knowledge of local people about tourists' language.
Based on the previous explanation, we can conclude that tourism will be the threat for local cultures and environment, even though it is good for gaining income for government and local people as well as create a chance for local people to have job and knowledge.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun phrase Original: exposure of culture Suggested revision: cultural exposure Why it matters: Cultural exposure is the natural expression for contact with another culture.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the disadvantages of the tourism Suggested revision: the disadvantages of tourism Why it matters: Tourism is used as a general uncountable concept and does not take the here.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: brought by the tourists Suggested revision: brought by tourists Why it matters: Tourists is a general plural noun here, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 4. Use countable noun Original: research Suggested revision: study Why it matters: Research is normally uncountable, whereas study works with the article a.
- 5. Correct adjective pattern Original: suitable Suggested revision: suited Why it matters: Suited to is the appropriate pattern for compatibility with an era.
- 6. Match plural reference Original: one Suggested revision: clothes Why it matters: A plural noun is needed to match the reference to clothes.
- 7. Join clauses clearly Original: as well as they follow Suggested revision: and they follow Why it matters: And coordinates the two finite clauses more clearly than as well as.
- 8. Repair comparison Original: more modern dances than the traditional one Suggested revision: modern dances more than traditional ones Why it matters: The comparison needs plural ones and a word order that compares preferences.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: cause the bad effect to Suggested revision: have a harmful effect on Why it matters: Have a harmful effect on is the natural collocation for describing environmental damage.
- 10. Add article Original: It is irrefutable fact Suggested revision: It is an irrefutable fact Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires an article, and irrefutable takes an.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: face Suggested revision: faces Why it matters: The singular collective noun government takes faces in this sentence.
- 12. Add preposition Original: because the increasing number Suggested revision: because of the increasing number Why it matters: Because of is required before the noun phrase the increasing number.
Suggested Rewrites
- exposure of culture cultural exposure
- the disadvantages of the tourism the disadvantages of tourism
- brought by the tourists brought by tourists
- research study
- suitable suited
- one clothes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that tourism's disadvantages require attention and supports it with developed discussion of cultural change and environmental damage, while also recognising income and employment benefits. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate phrasing and grammar, which makes several examples cumbersome despite a logical paragraph structure. The priority is to simplify the sentences and use precise cause-and-effect language when explaining each cultural, environmental, or economic impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant drawbacks are developed with examples, while economic and cultural benefits are also acknowledged.
State the extent of agreement more explicitly and evaluate whether the benefits justify tourism when the identified harms are managed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically divided by main idea and progresses from cultural and environmental drawbacks to benefits and a conclusion.
Use less mechanical sequencing and strengthen links between examples and the claims they are intended to support.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but frequent collocation and word-form errors make many descriptions imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as 'harm the environment', 'employment opportunities', 'homestays', and 'raise local people's awareness'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms conveys the argument, but agreement, article, plural, preposition, and clause-construction errors are frequent.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check subject-verb agreement, articles, and countable noun forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.