Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is an undeniable fact that tourist spots in every country have become more popular and have so many visitors. The development of tourism has so many benefits, such as more income from tourists and cultural exposureexposure of culture, although the drawbacks of this development cannot be ignored. This essay discusses the drawbacks of tourism for such countries followed by relevant examples. I agree that the disadvantages of tourismthe disadvantages of the tourism should be handled prudently to lessen its adverse effects on a country.
Firstly, tourism activities can threaten the traditional culture of a country. Local people tend to imitate the cultures that are brought by touristsbrought by the tourists from their home countries. Based on a cultural studyresearch conducted in Indonesia last year, local people stated that their traditional cultures are not suitedsuitable to the modern era, whereas the cultures brought by tourists to their country are more suitable and modern. For example, more local people like wearing modern clothes rather than traditional clothesone and they followas well as they follow modern dances more than traditional onesmore modern dances than the traditional one.
Secondly, tourism can have a harmful effect oncause the bad effect to the environment. Take littering cases as an example. It is an irrefutable factIt is irrefutable fact that so many tourists ignore the policy about rubbish. Bali as a tourism destination, besides getting awards because of the successful tourism, this city is well-known for the rubbish as well. The government facesface the difficulty in handling this littering problem because of the increasing numberbecause the increasing number of tourists each year. Then, the local people experience effects on their environmentget the effect to their environment, such as land pollution, flood, and air pollution because of the waste.
On the other hand, tourism can increase the national government'sgovernment income from tourist visastourists' visa and local people get the employment opportunitieswork-field as well as the chance to learn other cultures. For instance, local people can build homestay accommodationhome stay area for touriststourist and gain income from that business. It can reduce the number of unemployedunemployment people and increase local people's knowledgegrow knowledge of local people about tourists' language.
Based on the previous explanation, we can conclude that tourism will be the threat for local cultures and environment, even though it is good for gaining income for government and local people as well as create a chance for local people to have job and knowledge.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that tourism's disadvantages require attention and supports it with developed discussion of cultural change and environmental damage, while also recognising income and employment benefits. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate phrasing and grammar, which makes several examples cumbersome despite a logical paragraph structure. The priority is to simplify the sentences and use precise cause-and-effect language when explaining each cultural, environmental, or economic impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant drawbacks are developed with examples, while economic and cultural benefits are also acknowledged.
State the extent of agreement more explicitly and evaluate whether the benefits justify tourism when the identified harms are managed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically divided by main idea and progresses from cultural and environmental drawbacks to benefits and a conclusion.
Use less mechanical sequencing and strengthen links between examples and the claims they are intended to support.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but frequent collocation and word-form errors make many descriptions imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as 'harm the environment', 'employment opportunities', 'homestays', and 'raise local people's awareness'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms conveys the argument, but agreement, article, plural, preposition, and clause-construction errors are frequent.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check subject-verb agreement, articles, and countable noun forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.