Nowadays, the designs of the buildings in the community are affected by other cultures. This results in loss of cultural identity of the structures in the community. People would claim that buildings should be built using a traditional style for the protection of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Sample Response
At present, one of the most controversial issues in the field of architecture and design relates to whether to use traditional or modern styles in building houses and infrastructures. In this essay, I am going to examine both views and give my own perspective on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are people, who argue that using old designs compared to new style considerably outweighs the disadvantages. They believe that this will maintain and preserve one's culture and would be necessary for promoting tourism. For instance, Vigan, one of the famous cities in the Philippines attracts a big number of tourists annually because of the beauty of their tourist spots which were patterned on old traditional Spanish houses in the Spanish era. As a result, there was a considerable increase in their income brought about by higher employment rate and income from goods and services. On the contrary, others believe that modern style is better and have limited effect on one's culture. People have this opinion because they think that culture is vague and should not be dependent on just the cultural designs found in the society. They argue that culture is much deeper and its meaning should be rooted more in people's behaviour and beliefs. In addition, many point out that culture should not hinder development and innovations on architecture. They strongly argue that architecture should be expressed freely and should not be confined on tradition. In my own opinion, both arguments have their own merits. However, I tend to believe that using traditional styles in architecture have a small impact in preserving our culture and there are more important factors should be considered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable infrastructure Original: infrastructures Suggested revision: infrastructure Why it matters: “Infrastructure” is uncountable when referring generally to public structures and systems.
- 2. Use concise future form Original: I am going to examine Suggested revision: I will examine Why it matters: The simple future is more concise and appropriate for an essay outline.
- 3. Remove faulty relative clause Original: there are people, who argue Suggested revision: some people argue Why it matters: The concise clause removes both the unnecessary existential phrase and the incorrect comma before a defining relative clause.
- 4. Remove semantic repetition Original: maintain and preserve one's culture Suggested revision: preserve one's culture Why it matters: “Maintain” and “preserve” overlap, so one precise verb is sufficient.
- 5. Use present relevance Original: would be necessary for promoting tourism Suggested revision: is necessary for promoting tourism Why it matters: The claim concerns a present general benefit, so the present tense is required.
- 6. Use comparison connector Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence introduces the opposing view rather than directly contradicting a preceding fact.
- 7. Fix number and article Original: modern style is better and have limited effect Suggested revision: modern styles are better and have a limited effect Why it matters: The general subject should be plural, requiring “are,” and singular “effect” needs an article.
- 8. Choose accurate adjective Original: vague Suggested revision: broad Why it matters: “Broad” conveys that culture includes many elements, whereas “vague” suggests a lack of clear meaning.
- 9. Use precise dependency phrase Original: dependent on just the cultural designs Suggested revision: determined solely by the architectural designs Why it matters: “Determined by” expresses the claimed basis of culture more naturally, and “architectural” identifies the designs.
- 10. Clarify broader meaning Original: culture is much deeper Suggested revision: culture encompasses much more Why it matters: The verb “encompasses” states directly that culture includes more than design.
- 11. Remove misplaced degree word Original: rooted more in people's behaviour Suggested revision: rooted in people's behaviour Why it matters: “More” has no explicit comparison in this clause and is therefore unnecessary.
- 12. Fix preposition and number Original: innovations on architecture Suggested revision: innovation in architecture Why it matters: The uncountable general noun “innovation” takes the preposition “in.”
Suggested Rewrites
- infrastructures infrastructure
- I am going to examine I will examine
- there are people, who argue some people argue
- maintain and preserve one's culture preserve one's culture
- would be necessary for promoting tourism is necessary for promoting tourism
- On the contrary By contrast
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a relevant two-sided discussion and uses a specific example to support the value of traditional architecture. Its position emerges clearly only in the conclusion, while several claims are loosely expressed and the absence of paragraph breaks weakens progression. The highest-priority improvement is to state a firm degree of agreement from the introduction and organise each argument in a distinct, fully developed paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both perspectives and reaches a relevant position, but that position is delayed and some support is only loosely connected to cultural preservation.
State the degree of disagreement in the introduction and explain more directly how each example proves or challenges the preservation claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally progress in a sensible sequence with clear contrastive linking, but presenting the whole response as one paragraph weakens its organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear central topics.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range of topic vocabulary, although several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as modern architectural styles, large numbers of tourists, and innovation in architecture.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, but agreement, clause construction, and preposition errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, missing relative structures, and correct prepositions before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, the designs of the buildings in the community are affected by other cultures. This results in loss of cultural identity of the structures in the community. People would claim that buildings should be built using a traditional style for the protection of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.