In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days, most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Sample Essay
These days, people’s perspectives on the value of clothing are changing, and individuals tend to wear similar clothing compared to people in the past who opted for their traditional clothing. I believe this tendency exerts a positive influence on the society.
It is certainly true that there are some drawbacks to this tendency because it may lead to a loss of global diversity. It can be argued those who wear ordinary clothes such as T-shirts and jeans cannot feel a connection to their roots, and they are likely to neglect their culture and the contribution of their ancestors. Therefore, these people may not take pride in their region, and they might migrate to an urban location rather than contribute to the development of their community. Consequently, many ethnic minorities could suffer from the depopulation and eventually disappear.
However, I believe that there are more positives than negatives in people opting for similar clothes. The first explanation is that individuals can feel a sense of unity with people all over the world even though they have different religions and ways of life. This mind would motivate people in the world to support one another, instead of thinking that different parts of the world should deal with their own problems when natural disasters and other terrible problems occur in different nations. Furthermore, this tendency is economically profitable. Generally speaking, as ordinary clothes are automatically manufactured, they can be produced faster and more affordably than traditional clothing such as Japanese Kimono, which is hand-crafted.
In conclusion, although people today tend to wear similar clothes instead of traditional ones and this trend will cause several problems, I believe that the society as a whole can reap more benefits of this tendency.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: on the society Suggested revision: on society Why it matters: 'Society' is used without an article when referring to society in general.
- 2. Add complementizer Original: It can be argued those who Suggested revision: It can be argued that those who Why it matters: The reporting clause needs 'that' before the following proposition.
- 3. Use precise term Original: global Suggested revision: cultural Why it matters: The paragraph specifically discusses traditions and ethnic cultures, so 'cultural diversity' is more precise.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: suffer from the depopulation Suggested revision: suffer from depopulation Why it matters: 'Depopulation' is an uncountable process and does not need 'the' in this general reference.
- 5. Use correct noun Original: mind Suggested revision: mindset Why it matters: 'Mindset' refers to the attitude or way of thinking described in the previous sentence.
- 6. Make wording concise Original: people in the world Suggested revision: people worldwide Why it matters: 'Worldwide' conveys the same meaning more concisely and avoids repetition of 'world'.
- 7. Use broader economic term Original: profitable Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: 'Beneficial' better fits a claim about affordability rather than direct profit.
- 8. Use precise production term Original: ordinary clothes are automatically manufactured Suggested revision: ordinary clothes are mass-produced Why it matters: 'Mass-produced' more precisely expresses rapid, economical manufacture at scale.
- 9. Correct common-noun case Original: Kimono Suggested revision: kimono Why it matters: The garment name is a common noun and should be lowercase in this context.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society as a whole Suggested revision: society as a whole Why it matters: 'Society' takes no article when it refers to society generally.
- 11. Correct noun collocation Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: The natural construction is to reap benefits from a trend or tendency.
- 12. Clarify clothing category Original: wear ordinary clothes Suggested revision: wear common modern clothes Why it matters: The replacement distinguishes widely worn modern clothing more clearly from traditional dress.
Suggested Rewrites
- on the society on society
- It can be argued those who It can be argued that those who
- global cultural
- suffer from the depopulation suffer from depopulation
- mind mindset
- people in the world people worldwide
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear positive judgment, considers the opposing side, and develops a logically structured comparison with relevant cultural and economic reasoning. The main limitation is that a few causal claims are speculative and several otherwise sophisticated expressions are slightly unnatural. The highest priority is to make the links between clothing choices and wider social outcomes more convincing while polishing occasional collocational and grammatical lapses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed through a clear position and developed discussion of cultural loss, global unity, and economic benefits, though some causal claims are speculative.
Support the link between clothing and social unity or migration with more concrete reasoning so the strongest claims feel fully convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically across well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the comparison without obscuring progression.
Refine the internal progression of the negative paragraph so that its movement from cultural detachment to migration and disappearance is more explicitly justified.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, with occasional awkward choices such as this mind, automatically manufactured, and benefits of this tendency.
Polish less natural collocations and article-dependent phrases while retaining the essay's strong range and appropriately formal tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong overall control, and the few errors do not impede meaning.
Correct occasional missing function words and article errors, particularly after reporting structures and before general social nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days, most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.