Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?
Sample Response
Some people hold the belief that conventional games overshadow modern games in terms of how beneficial they are to children’s development. This essay strongly agrees with this statement as now will be discussed.
Granted, some people might be in favor of modern video games because of their positive impacts on children’s cognitive ability. Simulation games, for example, offer children the opportunity to freely design their own virtual world, which fosters their creativity. There are also other strategic games that require students to think quickly so as to compete against opponents or overcome challenges, thereby enabling the growth of problem solving skills. However, these benefits often come at a steep cost. The immersive and addictive nature of modern games frequently leads to excessive screen time, fostering sedentary lifestyles and health issues such as obesity and poor posture. Moreover, prolonged exposure to screens has been linked to mental fatigue, reduced attention spans, and even social isolation, highlighting the significant drawbacks of relying on modern games for development.
With conventional games, meanwhile, children can experience a more well-rounded development. In terms of physical well-being, many traditional games, such as hide-and-seek or tag, involve outdoor physical activity, promoting physical fitness and coordination. Games like these also encourage teamwork, communication, and leadership skills, as children interact with their peers in a dynamic and collaborative environment. As far as cognitive abilities are concerned, mentally stimulating traditional games, such as chess, puzzles, and building blocks, enhance concentration, logical thinking, and creativity in a more tactile and engaging way. Unlike modern games, these activities rarely lead to over-reliance or addiction, offering a healthier and more sustainable means of growth.
In conclusion, while modern games have their merits in stimulating specific cognitive abilities, their addictive nature and associated drawbacks often negate these benefits. Traditional games, on the other hand, provide a well-rounded developmental experience, nurturing physical health, social interaction, and creativity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State comparison precisely Original: overshadow modern games Suggested revision: are more beneficial than modern games Why it matters: “Overshadow” suggests prominence, whereas the replacement directly expresses the comparison of developmental value.
- 2. Fix clause order Original: as now will be discussed Suggested revision: as will be discussed below Why it matters: The original adverb placement produces an unnatural passive construction.
- 3. Use concise collocation Original: impacts Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: “Positive effects” is the more concise collocation in this context.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: ability Suggested revision: abilities Why it matters: The paragraph refers to several cognitive capacities across children generally, so the plural is more precise.
- 5. Match plural reference Original: world Suggested revision: worlds Why it matters: The plural form makes clear that individual children can design separate worlds.
- 6. Use precise term Original: other strategic games Suggested revision: strategy games Why it matters: “Strategy games” is the established term for this game category.
- 7. Remove awkward article Original: a more well-rounded development Suggested revision: more well-rounded development Why it matters: “Development” is used as an uncountable process here, so the article is unnecessary.
- 8. Reduce repetition Original: outdoor physical activity, promoting physical fitness Suggested revision: outdoor activity, improving physical fitness Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “physical” while preserving the causal relationship.
- 9. Use specific noun Original: growth Suggested revision: development Why it matters: “Development” connects more precisely to the essay’s central comparison than the broader word “growth.”
- 10. Clarify the pivot Suggested revision: At the shift from benefits to drawbacks, explicitly connect the health and social costs to the paragraph’s opening focus on developmental benefits. Why it matters: The paragraph changes direction clearly, but the comparison would progress more smoothly if the relationship between its two halves were made explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- overshadow modern games are more beneficial than modern games
- as now will be discussed as will be discussed below
- impacts effects
- ability abilities
- world worlds
- other strategic games strategy games
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear position and develops a persuasive comparison through relevant examples of cognitive, physical, and social development. Its progression is controlled and its language is varied and precise, although a few claims about the harms of modern games are broad and some expressions sound slightly formulaic. The main refinement is to qualify those claims and make the comparison even more directly evidence-based.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the concession and the case for traditional games are fully developed with relevant support.
Qualify broad claims about addiction and health effects so the comparison remains precise and convincingly supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused concession, a developed main argument, and a conclusion that accurately reflects the discussion.
Make the transition from the drawbacks of modern games to the comparative advantages of traditional games slightly more direct.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with only occasional formulaic or slightly awkward choices.
Replace stock phrasing such as the introductory announcement with a more natural and direct thesis statement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used flexibly and accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Refine occasional awkward constructions and check compound modifiers such as problem-solving for consistently polished control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.