The older generation often holds some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behaviour. Some people think these traditional ideas are not helpful for the young generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
As the world is rapidly changing in this era of ever-evolving technology, the mindsets of old generations struggle to adapt to the current changes. People from these generations hold firmly to long-established lifestyles and expect the youth to follow them without considering thoroughly how it might trouble them. Personally, I am convinced that although youngsters should preserve traditional values, most of the conventional ideas are inappropriate to apply in modern times.
To begin with, some traditional ways of thinking can go as far as to negate recent revolutionary conceptions. The most obvious example to look at is the violation of gender equity. In some countries, especially Asian ones, women are normally considered inferior to men in several aspects. Not only are sons preferably given the educational opportunity, but daughters are also considered misfortunes in some rural areas. Such norm has but great negative impacts on young generations since they are brought up with wrong ideas about how life works.
Another equally important aspect is that prejudice might intervene in one’s individual private life. The choice of educational field, career and life partner is quite different than in the past centuries, and the old generation will have old and outdated ideas about those important issues. Thus new generations should not be allowed to follow those outdated ideas in their life. The older generations have many prejudices and old way of life which should not be passed to the new generations as they are no longer prevalent.
To conclude, the younger generation should be made aware of important traditions of the past, and they should sometimes embrace and follow these traditions, but not on important life events and choices. Many conventional concepts are out-of-date and they should be discarded to keep our society cohesive and ready for progress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: old Suggested revision: older Why it matters: Use the comparative adjective to refer naturally to people from earlier generations.
- 2. Avoid repetition Original: the current changes Suggested revision: these changes Why it matters: This demonstrative avoids repeating the idea of the present already established by the context.
- 3. Place adverb naturally Original: considering thoroughly Suggested revision: thoroughly considering Why it matters: The adverb is more naturally placed before the participle in this clause.
- 4. Remove faulty complement Original: inappropriate to apply Suggested revision: inappropriate Why it matters: The adjective already completes the clause, so the infinitive creates an awkward complement.
- 5. Clarify abstract wording Original: recent revolutionary conceptions Suggested revision: modern progressive ideas Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended contrast more directly and naturally.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: The most obvious example to look at Suggested revision: The clearest example Why it matters: The original expression is unnecessarily wordy for introducing an example.
- 7. Use plural noun Original: the educational opportunity Suggested revision: educational opportunities Why it matters: The plural noun fits the general reference to opportunities available to sons.
- 8. Add article Original: Such norm Suggested revision: Such a norm Why it matters: The singular countable noun requires an article.
- 9. Fix collocation Original: has but great negative impacts Suggested revision: has significant negative impacts Why it matters: The word “but” does not function correctly in this noun phrase.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: one’s individual private life Suggested revision: one’s private life Why it matters: “Individual” and “private” overlap in meaning here.
- 11. Match plural subject Original: way Suggested revision: ways Why it matters: The plural noun phrase agrees with the reference to multiple prejudices and generations.
- 12. Fix preposition Original: not on important life events and choices Suggested revision: not in relation to important life events and choices Why it matters: The preposition “on” does not express the intended relationship clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- old older
- the current changes these changes
- considering thoroughly thoroughly considering
- inappropriate to apply inappropriate
- recent revolutionary conceptions modern progressive ideas
- The most obvious example to look at The clearest example
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear and consistent position, with relevant discussion of gender inequality and personal choice supported by a concrete example. Its main limitation is that the second body idea becomes repetitive and several ambitious expressions are imprecise or grammatically awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with a more specific explanation while choosing natural collocations and checking articles, agreement, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear qualified position and two relevant reasons, though the second reason is only generally developed.
Extend the personal-choice argument with one specific example showing how an outdated expectation can hinder preparation for modern life.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, although some ideas are repeated.
Replace repeated claims about outdated ideas with explanation that advances the argument in each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, but several ambitious collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as gender equality, harmful effects, and interfere with personal choices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear control, despite recurring errors in articles, agreement, and prepositions.
Proofread noun phrases and verb agreement, especially forms such as such a norm, older generations, and ways of life.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The older generation often holds some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thoughts and behaviour. Some people think these traditional ideas are not helpful for the young generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.