Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Many today feel that it is crucial for younger generations to follow the traditions of their country rather than their own individual inclinations. In my opinion, though there is value to such self-expression, upholding tradition is more important.
Those who are in support of younger people prioritising their individuality argue this is key to happiness. The true pursuit of happiness requires an individual to define their goals and accomplish them on their own terms. A counterexample illustrating this point would be the rigid, hierarchical societies of the past wherein women had fewer rights of self-expression. Most women in the past did not receive an education and were effectively blocked from having a career or life outside the traditional confines of a housewife. The narrow range of experiences on offer meant that most women were unable to struggle to find their own version of happiness.
However, since the stigmas of society today are less in conflict with individuals, it is logical to prioritise tradition. Traditions themselves may be forgotten if not respected and adhered to. For example, in many indigenous cultures, younger people are more interested in migrating from their ancestral homes to the cities to lead a modern life. If this occurs in enough numbers, then thousands of unique, distinct cultures will fade into the seemingly inevitable global monoculture. Once this happens, there will be no way to retrieve and enliven past traditions and they will become relics of history rather than living monuments to diversity, creativity, and human ingenuity.
In conclusion, though individual freedom is important, particularly for repressed segments of society, there is greater value in preserving past ways of life. This is difficult to enforce but governments should seek to encourage the latter instead of the former.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct verb Original: are in support of Suggested revision: support Why it matters: The direct verb is more concise and grammatically natural here.
- 2. Add reporting conjunction Original: argue this is key Suggested revision: argue that this is key Why it matters: The conjunction clarifies the reported proposition after “argue.”
- 3. Correct example term Original: A counterexample illustrating this point Suggested revision: An example illustrating this point Why it matters: The case supports the preceding claim, so it is an example rather than a counterexample.
- 4. Improve word choice Original: fewer rights of self-expression Suggested revision: fewer opportunities for self-expression Why it matters: “Opportunities” more accurately describes the limited scope for personal expression in this context.
- 5. Complete parallel articles Original: a career or life Suggested revision: a career or a life Why it matters: Both coordinated singular count nouns require an article.
- 6. Clarify the role Original: traditional confines of a housewife Suggested revision: traditional confines of the housewife role Why it matters: The confines belong to a social role rather than to a person.
- 7. Remove contradictory construction Original: were unable to struggle to find Suggested revision: struggled to find Why it matters: “Unable to struggle” creates an illogical verb construction, while the revision expresses difficulty directly.
- 8. Clarify social conflict Original: the stigmas of society today are less in conflict with individuals Suggested revision: social norms today conflict less with individual freedom Why it matters: The revision states the intended relationship with more precise vocabulary.
- 9. Use natural scale phrase Original: occurs in enough numbers Suggested revision: occurs on a large enough scale Why it matters: A social trend occurs on a scale rather than in numbers.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: unique, distinct Suggested revision: distinct Why it matters: The two adjectives express the same idea, so one is sufficient.
- 11. Use precise verb Original: retrieve and enliven past traditions Suggested revision: revive past traditions Why it matters: “Revive” concisely conveys bringing neglected traditions back into active use.
- 12. Correct verb choice Original: enforce Suggested revision: achieve Why it matters: Preserving a way of life can be achieved, whereas a rule or law is enforced.
Suggested Rewrites
- are in support of support
- argue this is key argue that this is key
- A counterexample illustrating this point An example illustrating this point
- fewer rights of self-expression fewer opportunities for self-expression
- a career or life a career or a life
- traditional confines of a housewife traditional confines of the housewife role
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a confident, well-developed response with a clear position, relevant discussion of both views, and especially strong control of complex language and progression. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in phrasing and reasoning, particularly where the example of women's restricted opportunities is linked to young people's individuality. The highest-priority improvement is to make every example more directly parallel to the task's focus on younger generations and social traditions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed clearly with relevant, substantially developed support.
Make the first supporting example more explicitly about young people's freedom from social traditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the transition into the pro-tradition argument by stating the logical contrast more precisely.
Lexical Resource
A wide and flexible vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although a few collocations are strained or imprecise.
Replace awkward combinations such as societies being in conflict with individuals with more idiomatic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only isolated non-impeding lapses.
Edit the few syntactically awkward clauses so that every complex sentence expresses its intended relationship cleanly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.