Traffic is a very serious problem. The pedestrians and bicycle riders are facing more and more danger. Many gardens become sacrifices to highways. What are the best ways to make the citizens satisfied?
Sample Response
Traffic problem has already become the biggest concern in many countries in the world, not only because of the environmental pollutions caused by the exhausted gas and irritating noise but also the menace it takes to the bicycle riders and pedestrians. Furthermore, many gardens and grasslands give way to the rapid development of traffic facilities like highways, flyovers and avenues, leaving less and less space for the citizens.
Admittedly, the development of the road construction stimulates the prosperity of the economy in a country. For example, the increase of employment rate, the sales of the private cars and the high taxes levied on car owners are what a government expects. But as a responsible government, it should have a long-term development plan instead of the pursuit of a short-term profit. A responsible government should always give priority to people's appeal and necessity.
To make the citizens satisfied, firstly, a government should preserve for the citizens more gardens and meadows, where people can spend weekends with their friends and family. Gardens and meadows can also purify the polluted air, creating a good environment for the citizens. Secondly, a government should encourage the use of public transport and limit the ownership of private cars. Due to the economic development, many citizens can afford a private car. Take Shenzhen as an example, the sales of private cars increase by 5,000 every month. It is hard to imagine if the current roads can accommodate so large a number of cars five or ten years later. Finally, a government should consider the relation between economic development and environmental protection, leaving more green lands to our descendants.
To sum up, economic development and environmental protection do not contradict each other. If a government is responsible, it should make no efforts to give people a comfortable living environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: Traffic problem has Suggested revision: The traffic problem has Why it matters: The specific problem under discussion requires the definite article.
- 2. Use uncountable noun Original: pollutions Suggested revision: pollution Why it matters: 'Pollution' is uncountable when referring generally to environmental harm.
- 3. Correct technical term Original: exhausted gas Suggested revision: exhaust gases Why it matters: Vehicles emit 'exhaust gases'; 'exhausted gas' has a different meaning.
- 4. Use precise term Original: irritating noise Suggested revision: noise pollution Why it matters: This term identifies the environmental problem more precisely.
- 5. Correct collocation Original: the menace it takes to Suggested revision: the danger it poses to Why it matters: A danger is 'posed to' people, while the original verb does not collocate with 'menace'.
- 6. Use broader term Original: traffic facilities Suggested revision: transport infrastructure Why it matters: This phrase more accurately covers highways, flyovers, and avenues.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: less and less space Suggested revision: increasingly less space Why it matters: The revision expresses the ongoing reduction more concisely.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: the road construction Suggested revision: road construction Why it matters: The activity is discussed generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 9. Correct economic collocation Original: stimulates the prosperity of the economy Suggested revision: stimulates economic growth Why it matters: 'Stimulates economic growth' is the natural collocation for the intended meaning.
- 10. Fix preposition and article Original: increase of employment rate Suggested revision: increase in the employment rate Why it matters: An increase occurs 'in' a measured rate, which also needs the definite article here.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: sales of the private cars Suggested revision: sales of private cars Why it matters: The cars are mentioned as a general category, so 'the' is unnecessary.
- 12. Use suitable plural noun Original: a short-term profit Suggested revision: short-term gains Why it matters: Government policy is more naturally contrasted with broad short-term gains than with one profit.
Suggested Rewrites
- Traffic problem has The traffic problem has
- pollutions pollution
- exhausted gas exhaust gases
- irritating noise noise pollution
- the menace it takes to the danger it poses to
- traffic facilities transport infrastructure
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers several relevant, clearly sequenced measures, especially preserving green space, promoting public transport, and limiting private cars. Its main limitation is that substantial space is spent on general background and economic benefits while some proposed solutions remain broad, and frequent awkward collocations weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the practical operation and expected effect of each solution while editing vocabulary for natural, accurate usage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant solutions and supporting explanation, although some discussion is indirect and the final environmental recommendation is broad.
Prioritize the proposed measures and explain concretely how each would improve safety, congestion, green space, and citizen satisfaction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear problem-to-solution progression with focused paragraphs and effective signposting, though the solution sequence is somewhat mechanical.
Organize the solutions by impact or implementation and use clearer logical links between the transport measures and their intended outcomes.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but frequent awkward or inaccurate collocations such as exhausted gas, menace it takes, and make no efforts reduce precision.
Replace unnatural combinations with established phrases such as exhaust fumes, danger posed to pedestrians, public needs, and make every effort.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but article, plural, agreement, and sentence-boundary errors are noticeable.
Review articles and countability, and separate independent clauses correctly instead of joining them with commas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Traffic is a very serious problem. The pedestrians and bicycle riders are facing more and more danger. Many gardens become sacrifices to highways. What are the best ways to make the citizens satisfied?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.