Some people think that it is necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures. Others say that books, films and the Internet can be used as a source of information about different cultures. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
We live in a multifaceted society that has its own cultural and traditional values. Traditions that vary from place to place are unique in their own form. These norms and distinctive cultural values attract people to visit different places in order to learn more which is laudable, but others believe that we live in a digital world know where all the information is available through paper and print media then there is no point to visit those places physically. This essay will analyse both viewpoints to understand their merits before presenting an opinion.
People believe that culture can be best understood when one physically visit that place. Proponents of this viewpoint argue that films and books do not cover all the aspects and often shows only positive attributes and customs of a place. Cultural values and traditions are best analysed when we live with them and participate in their festivals, religious gatherings, weddings and other events. Moreover, they say that books and the internet give us limited information and physical presence in instrumental to observe and understand their emotion, feelings, sentiments and so on showcased during different occasions. For instance, Malay culture is rich in folk music, artworks, poetry, festivals and so on which we usually see in different videos, but there are some hidden traits like their disliking for non-Malay which is not mentioned in any book or shown in films. Furthermore, one can truly admire and appreciate culture when they mingle with them.
On the contrary, others believe that one can easily learn the traditions and cultural norms through different documentary movies, historical books or through the digital contents available over the internet. They say that books written over different cultures were
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments over both view point. However, I personally believe that one should travel to explore and kerb their passion for learning different cultures as physical presence cannot match the virtual information.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: unique in their own form Suggested revision: distinctive in their own ways Why it matters: “In their own ways” is the natural expression for describing how traditions differ.
- 2. Match subject and verb Original: when one physically visit that place Suggested revision: when one physically visits a place Why it matters: The singular subject “one” requires “visits,” and the indefinite article suits a general claim.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: all the aspects Suggested revision: all aspects Why it matters: The general expression “all aspects” does not require the definite article.
- 4. Clarify the experience Original: we live with them Suggested revision: we experience them firsthand Why it matters: People cannot literally live with abstract cultural values, so the replacement states the intended direct experience.
- 5. Correct the linking verb Original: in Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The adjective complement requires the linking verb “is,” not the preposition “in.”
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: their emotion, feelings, sentiments and so on showcased Suggested revision: their emotions and sentiments displayed Why it matters: The replacement fixes number agreement and removes the overlapping list of near-synonyms.
- 7. Punctuate the relative clause Original: festivals and so on which Suggested revision: festivals, which Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause requires a comma, while “and so on” is unnecessary after the list.
- 8. Use precise phrasing Original: hidden traits like their disliking for non-Malay Suggested revision: less visible traits, such as their dislike of non-Malays Why it matters: The revision uses the correct noun “dislike,” preposition “of,” and a respectful plural reference.
- 9. Match the plural antecedent Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The relative pronoun refers to plural “traits,” so the verb must be plural.
- 10. Avoid redundant verbs Original: admire and appreciate culture Suggested revision: appreciate a culture Why it matters: “Admire” and “appreciate” overlap here, and the singular countable noun needs an article.
- 11. Clarify pronoun references Original: when they mingle with them Suggested revision: when they interact with its people Why it matters: The revision makes clear that visitors interact with the people of a culture.
- 12. Use a balanced contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: The paragraph introduces an alternative viewpoint rather than directly disproving the preceding claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- unique in their own form distinctive in their own ways
- when one physically visit that place when one physically visits a place
- all the aspects all aspects
- we live with them we experience them firsthand
- in is
- their emotion, feelings, sentiments and so on showcased their emotions and sentiments displayed
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response establishes a clear preference for travel and develops the experiential-learning argument with several relevant cultural examples. However, the alternative view is left as an unfinished sentence, creating a major gap in development and an abrupt break in progression, while recurring language errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to complete and develop the opposing argument before explaining clearly why direct experience remains more valuable.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position favouring travel is clear and supported, but the discussion of learning through media is effectively undeveloped.
Complete the media-based argument with explanation and an example, then compare its limitations directly with firsthand experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad paragraph structure is recognisable, but the unfinished third paragraph severely disrupts progression and balance.
Ensure every body paragraph contains a complete central idea, supporting development, and a clear link to the final position.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range in discussing culture and experience, but awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices occur repeatedly.
Use more precise combinations and correct misused words such as kerb, which contradicts the intended meaning in the conclusion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning is usually recoverable, but agreement, clause control, and sentence-completion errors are frequent.
Prioritise complete sentence boundaries and subject-verb agreement before adding multiple clauses to complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures. Others say that books, films and the Internet can be used as a source of information about different cultures. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.