The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position.
Sample Response
As the world’s population grows so do unemployment ratesso does the unemployment rates in most countries. This leads many people to claimavow that education beyond primary school level is not needed. I disagreeIt is disagreed that education beyond primary school level is no longer needed, no matter how high or low the unemployment rates becomeget. This argument will be supportedThis will be proven by looking at the maturity that higher education fosterssophistication that higher education brings with it and how education helps to distinguish more productive people from less productive peopledifferentiate between the more productive and less productive people.
To begin, the merits of education beyond primary school level are not limited to the technical knowledge gained from their studies; they also extendthe studies, they extend to the courtesy and etiquettecourtesies and etiquettes learned by students as they matureget more mature through education. For instance, it is no secret that bullying amongst children is highest up until high school; it startshigh school, it starts to diminish from thereon as students become more attuned toin-tune to right and wrongthe wrongs and rights. If youngsters startyoungsters, start to drop out of school after primary level, those bullies couldthose bullies, could go on to become juvenile delinquents. After analysing this, it is clear that education beyond primary level is indeed beneficial to society at largefruitful for the society at large.
Furthermore, in the absence of educationin absence of education, it would be harder for prospective employers to choose between more competent and less competent people. A scenario where all job applicants for a particular job are primary school level qualified, employers would be hard pressed to select the best possible candidate for the said job, illustrates this point well. Unfortunately, if there are no criteria upon whichcriteria, upon which to decide between potential employees, the recruitment process will become ineffectiveinept. Hence, education beyond primary school level plays a pivotal role in the hiring processpivotal role in hiring process.
In summary, higher education has a significant part to play in humanising the youth, and in distinguishing between the skilled and the unskilled. Thus, I disagreeI beg to differ with the idea that education beyond primary level is not needed. It is hoped that people will continue to acquire knowledge through education, regardless of the levels of unemployment.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a consistent position and supports it with two clearly separated arguments, with the employment-selection point being particularly relevant and easy to follow. Its main weakness is that some claims, especially the link between schooling and delinquency, are asserted too broadly, while recurring grammatical and punctuation errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing each causal link more convincingly and editing sentence boundaries and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opposing position is maintained and supported by two relevant, generally developed arguments.
Explain the causal connection between continued education and reduced delinquency more carefully, avoiding unsupported generalisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two distinct body arguments, and a consistent conclusion.
Improve flow within body paragraphs by separating overextended sentences and making references between claims more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently flexible vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Choose more natural combinations such as social maturity and awareness of right and wrong instead of forcing less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted successfully, but agreement, article, comma, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and replace comma splices with correctly punctuated independent sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level. Write an essay either for or against this position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.