Nowadays, many people are following an unhealthy diet and no exercise. Why do you think is this happening? How can this situation be corrected?
Sample Response
We all agree that the secret to a healthy life is eating clean food and exercising regularly. Yet, in today’s modern world, a big chunk of individuals lead an unhealthy lifestyle by consuming junk food and eliminating physical activities. This essay will illustrate the factors supporting this trend and ways to overcome such habits unitedly.
One commonly cited reason for maintaining an unhealthy diet, particularly amongst the working class, is time. Amid the pandemic, globally, people are functioning from home, which is demanding and stressful, leaving them no time to cook. This, however, compels an individual to order food or prepare instant packaged meals, thereby being oblivious to its ill effects. Meals like junk food and refined food items fill up the stomach but have no nutritional value. Indulging in greasy, preservative-filled fast-food items and getting accustomed to such palate repeatedly creates detrimental health problems over time that are inevitable. Owing to the same reason, people also avoid participating in any form of sport or exercise. With no burning of unwanted body fat, it eventually accumulates in the body resulting in heart ailments. Undoubtedly, leading a sedentary lifestyle also affects one’s physical and mental wellbeing immensely.
Despite the masses eating unhealthy food unknowingly, there are various ways to curb its consumption. The government should educate its citizens on healthy living by running awareness campaigns, advertising aggressively and teaching school children the importance of healthy living from an early age. For instance, the Food for Soul initiative on organic farm produce at subsidized rates by the central government attracted communities to buy clean cooked food at a nominal rate last season. Similarly, a strong outlook should be provided for exercise. To keep people fit, the government should make it mandatory for residential societies and complexes to install exercising equipment like bars for pullups, or cross-trainers for arm and torso exercising and some weights in the garden area. This will help people save time commuting to gyms and offer them the flexibility to work out at their convenience. Definitely, if small changes are implemented, we as a whole society will be bound to exercise regularly and watch what we eat.
In conclusion, due to time constraints, people are unable to prepare healthy food or spare time for workouts which affects our bodies in the long run. However, if taught an alternate way to eat healthily and exercising few times a week, many diseases and ailments can be reversed, resulting in a hale and hearty individual.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal phrasing Original: a big chunk of individuals Suggested revision: a large proportion of people Why it matters: This is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: eliminating physical activities Suggested revision: avoiding physical activity Why it matters: People avoid physical activity rather than eliminate activities from existence.
- 3. Choose a precise verb Original: supporting Suggested revision: driving Why it matters: Driving clearly expresses that the factors cause the trend.
- 4. Fix awkward wording Original: such habits unitedly Suggested revision: these habits collectively Why it matters: Unitedly is unnatural in this context, while collectively conveys the shared response intended.
- 5. Use accurate categories Original: Meals like junk food and refined food items Suggested revision: Foods such as fast food and refined products Why it matters: Junk food is a type of food rather than a meal, and the revision avoids repetition.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: fill up the stomach Suggested revision: are filling Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 7. Correct the noun choice Original: such palate repeatedly Suggested revision: such a diet Why it matters: Palate refers to taste preference, whereas diet refers to the food habit described.
- 8. Use a clear link Original: Owing to the same reason Suggested revision: For the same reason Why it matters: This connector states the causal link more directly.
- 9. Clarify the cause Original: With no burning of unwanted body fat Suggested revision: Without sufficient physical activity Why it matters: The revision expresses the cause naturally without the awkward nominal phrase.
- 10. Add the comma Original: body resulting Suggested revision: body, resulting Why it matters: A comma is needed before the resulting participial clause.
- 11. Use neutral wording Original: the masses eating unhealthy food Suggested revision: people eating unhealthy food Why it matters: People is more natural and neutral than the masses in this context.
- 12. State the message Original: advertising aggressively Suggested revision: promoting healthy habits widely Why it matters: The revision identifies what should be advertised and avoids the negative connotation of aggressively.
Suggested Rewrites
- a big chunk of individuals a large proportion of people
- eliminating physical activities avoiding physical activity
- supporting driving
- such habits unitedly these habits collectively
- Meals like junk food and refined food items Foods such as fast food and refined products
- fill up the stomach are filling
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response directly addresses both causes and solutions, and its practical government measures are clearly explained and supported. Its main limitation is that the causal analysis rests almost entirely on time pressure and occasionally relies on sweeping or doubtful claims, while several awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise a broader, more balanced explanation of the causes and edit collocations and sentence structure for natural accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with relevant, extended ideas, although the explanation of causes is narrow and some support is questionable.
Develop at least one additional distinct cause and support each solution with a realistic, clearly connected explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through causes, solutions, and a conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Use fewer formulaic transitions and make pronoun references and sentence-to-sentence links more precise.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary is used, but several unnatural collocations and word choices weaken precision.
Replace awkward expressions such as “eliminating physical activities” and “a strong outlook” with natural, context-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, though recurring agreement, article, reference, and parallelism errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for subject agreement, clear pronoun reference, and parallel verb forms, especially in conditional clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, many people are following an unhealthy diet and no exercise. Why do you think is this happening? How can this situation be corrected?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.