Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Sample Response
In today’s modern world, many students plan to go to university immediately after they finish school. However, some people assert that it would be more beneficial if they can go on a trip or start on working for a certain period of time before attending university courses. Therefore, it is important for us to establish the positive and negative impacts of this argument before we reach a reasonable conclusion.
Undoubtedly, those who wish to widen their view by travelling or working will certainly have more experience and are more knowledgeable than others who go to university after they finish school. When they travel to other countries, they are being exposed to a new environment with different lifestyles, thus they will probably learn the cultures and traditions from the locals. They may be more open-minded and have higher adaptability than others. Besides, working may benefit them by opening up an avenue to allow them to meet a wide variety of new people every day. It is proven that they can, sooner or later, develop an excellent interpersonal skill which plays an indispensable role when they enter a university. By measuring the crucial social skill, they can interact with others more confidently.
Nevertheless, there is always another side of a coin. Travelling abroad and working for a part-time job do have detrimental side effects. One of the major drawbacks is they may be graduated from university later than their friends of the same age due to the reason that they need to experience more from travelling and working which require them to spend one or two years, or even more time. According to a recent research conducted in Malaysia, human’s interpretation and learning ability deteriorate as we get older which clearly explains that our learning progress will be slowed down if we start our tertiary education late. As a consequence, they may fail to achieve their aspirations even though they have more life experience than others.
In conclusion, I think every student has their own choice in dealing whether to start tertiary education after they finish school or to travel abroad or work for a short period so as to gain more experience before attending university. I believe they can achieve their set goals if they are willing to work hard regardless of experience and age barriers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: today’s modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: Today's already conveys modernity, so modern is redundant.
- 2. Match hypothetical form Original: can Suggested revision: could Why it matters: Could is required to match the hypothetical would be in the main clause.
- 3. Fix verb pattern Original: start on working Suggested revision: start working Why it matters: Start takes a gerund directly and does not require on.
- 4. Remove wordiness Original: a certain period of time Suggested revision: a period Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without unnecessary words.
- 5. Use logical terms Original: positive and negative impacts of this argument Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages of this choice Why it matters: A choice has advantages and disadvantages, whereas an argument does not itself have impacts in this sense.
- 6. Fix collocation Original: widen their view Suggested revision: broaden their horizons Why it matters: Broaden their horizons is the established expression for gaining wider experience.
- 7. Use simple present Original: they are being exposed Suggested revision: they are exposed Why it matters: Simple present is appropriate for this general consequence of travel.
- 8. Fix clause connection Original: lifestyles, thus they Suggested revision: lifestyles; thus, they Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent clauses, and thus takes a following comma.
- 9. Add correct preposition Original: learn the cultures and traditions Suggested revision: learn about the cultures and traditions Why it matters: Learn takes about when referring to acquiring knowledge of a topic.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: have higher adaptability Suggested revision: be more adaptable Why it matters: Be more adaptable is the natural way to compare this personal quality.
- 11. Remove wordiness Original: opening up an avenue to allow them Suggested revision: allowing them Why it matters: The shorter participle preserves the meaning without a redundant metaphor.
- 12. Use natural phrase Original: a wide variety of new people Suggested revision: a wide variety of people Why it matters: People they meet are necessarily new to them, making new redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- today’s modern world today's world
- can could
- start on working start working
- a certain period of time a period
- positive and negative impacts of this argument advantages and disadvantages of this choice
- widen their view broaden their horizons
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its balanced, logically sequenced discussion of how travel or work may develop maturity and how delaying university may create drawbacks. However, it does not establish a clear degree of agreement with the statement and only partly addresses students' contribution to their courses. Prioritise a definite position in the introduction and conclusion, then connect each main paragraph directly to both benefit and contribution.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant advantages and disadvantages of delaying university are discussed, but the response remains neutral and gives limited attention to contribution within courses.
Take a clear degree-of-agreement position and evaluate how each pathway affects both university benefit and classroom contribution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed and progresses logically through contrasting perspectives, although several linking phrases are formulaic or imprecise.
Use more direct transitions that show how each paragraph advances the central position rather than merely announcing another side.
Lexical Resource
A fairly wide range of academic and topic vocabulary is used, but several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Refine expressions such as widen their horizons, interpersonal skills, and a piece of research while removing vague or misused phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is attempted, but recurring errors in passive forms, agreement, articles, and clause control reduce accuracy.
Revise complex sentences for correct verb patterns and agreement, particularly constructions involving may graduate and travelling or working requires.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.