Some people agree that the best way to become successful in life is to get the university education, while others disagree and reckon that nowadays it is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In most cases, many people argue that the most crucial factor of success is to receive tertiary education, while recently some regard this argument as indefensible since things have changed. Personally, the key to this debate lies in the definition of “successful”.
Some people believe that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.（2013.03.09）Some people believe that academic qualifications always bring success, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.（2021.02.25）
Traditionally, success is defined as winning honourable distinctions in the domains related to scientific research or academia, which will further secure high reputation and social status. In this case, academic qualifications are a must. As such honorary titles are few and far between and thus hard to come by, the competition for the few positions available each year is extremely intense given the sea of applicants applying. To have an edge over their counterparts, those applicants are required to obtain certain research findings and win approval of scholars in relevant fields. To this end, higher education is the most fundamental but vital way to polish their knowledge. Even pragmatic jobs like doctors or nurses also ask for a firm theoretical foundation.
However, in the fields irrelevant to academic circles, being successful is in no need of university education for the reason that theoretical knowledge is no longer the prerequisite. Sportsmen can serve as a compelling example. For the sake of attaining prizes in both national and international games, swimmers should learn how to speed up their strokes and adjust breaths under systematic training with scientific instruction instead of acquiring the knowledge regarding how muscles and lungs function. It is a commonplace that game winners are not those knowledgeable experts in biological domains. In addition to make achievements in work or study, either sound relationships among others or peaceful lives are also defined as success nowadays, which does not require any educational qualification. Worldwide, there are an enormous number of people leading a steady life with their beloved ones without getting a diploma.
In conclusion, since people have diverse definitions of the word “successful”, tertiary education is not always essential at present.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove vague opener Original: In most cases, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This broad qualifier does not establish a clear context for the claim that follows.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: factor of success Suggested revision: factor in achieving success Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the relationship between the factor and the outcome more naturally.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: to receive tertiary education Suggested revision: obtaining a tertiary education Why it matters: The gerund phrase is more idiomatic in this context.
- 4. Clarify contrast Original: while recently Suggested revision: whereas nowadays Why it matters: The original connector does not clearly contrast the traditional view with the present one.
- 5. Fix noun phrase Original: secure high reputation Suggested revision: secure a strong reputation Why it matters: Reputation is a countable noun here and needs an article and a natural modifier.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: few and far between and thus hard to come by Suggested revision: rare Why it matters: The two expressions repeat the same meaning unnecessarily.
- 7. Avoid repetition Original: the sea of applicants applying Suggested revision: the large number of applicants Why it matters: Applicants already implies people who are applying, so the original wording is redundant.
- 8. Use precise verb Original: obtain certain research findings Suggested revision: produce significant research findings Why it matters: Researchers produce findings rather than obtain them in this context.
- 9. Add article Original: win approval of scholars Suggested revision: win the approval of scholars Why it matters: The specified approval requires the definite article.
- 10. Resolve modifier clash Original: most fundamental but vital Suggested revision: fundamental Why it matters: The superlative and the contrasting conjunction create an illogical combination of similar qualities.
- 11. Fix collocation Original: polish Suggested revision: deepen Why it matters: Knowledge is conventionally deepened rather than polished.
- 12. Match category Original: jobs like doctors or nurses Suggested revision: professions such as medicine or nursing Why it matters: Doctors and nurses are people, whereas the sentence requires names of professions.
Suggested Rewrites
- In most cases, Delete
- factor of success factor in achieving success
- to receive tertiary education obtaining a tertiary education
- while recently whereas nowadays
- secure high reputation secure a strong reputation
- few and far between and thus hard to come by rare
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a clear, nuanced position and develops relevant contrasts between academic and non-academic forms of success. Its main weakness is the inserted paragraph of copied task prompts, which does not contribute to the argument and sharply disrupts progression; several awkward grammatical and collocational choices also reduce precision. Remove all rubric material, then refine sentence structure and word combinations while preserving the strong central distinction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both positions and maintains a clear definition-based opinion, but the copied prompt paragraph is irrelevant and some claims are overgeneralised.
Remove the copied task wording and support each side with more precisely qualified claims tied directly to success.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two-sided development, and conclusion form a logical framework, although the inserted prompt text creates a severe break in progression.
Keep only functional essay paragraphs and use concise transitions to connect the definition of success to each field-specific argument.
Lexical Resource
A broad academic vocabulary conveys complex ideas, but recurring unnatural collocations such as references to polishing knowledge reduce precision.
Choose conventional word combinations and check that sophisticated terms fit the exact meaning and grammatical context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, though recurring article, agreement, and construction errors remain noticeable despite generally clear meaning.
Edit complex sentences for complete clause patterns, accurate articles, and subject-verb agreement before adding further structural variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people agree that the best way to become successful in life is to get the university education, while others disagree and reckon that nowadays it is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.