In some countries, university students live at home, while in other countries university students go to other cities rather than live with their family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
For higher education, some students choose to move out to a new city, while others continue living with their parents. While relocation can be associated with certain financial and emotional challenges, I believe the enhanced responsibility and life experience that it offers are more significant. On the one hand, students who live away from home might have to address several concerns. Chief of these is the increase in their spending as there might be a monthly rent attached to their accommodation and they cannot save on utility and food bills by bulk buying them with their parents. In some instances, this places a financial burden on the students and their family. Another major issue lies in the lack of emotional support. Specifically, those having to relocate might not have the company of old friends or family members who can offer them encouragement and advice in the face of hard times. This explains why some of them suffer from a more profound sense of nostalgia and loneliness. Nevertheless, the aforementioned drawbacks are outweighed by two compelling advantages. The foremost benefit relates to an independent lifestyle. If university students reside separately with their family, they are generally fully responsible for both their academic and personal lives, gradually becoming more self-reliant when making their own decisions in terms of daily schedules, majors and relationships. Furthermore, students who move out of their hometown are entitled to greater opportunities to enrich their experiences. Noticeably, they can not only explore new locations but also interact with people whose beliefs and values are distinctive to those in their home regions, allowing for an enriched understanding of the world. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages if college students relocate to new cities. Personally, I believe the benefits of increased independence and an enhanced perspective on life outweigh the possible drawbacks in terms of finances and emotional stability. That is why families should have an adequate financial plan and provide initial emotional support to their children at the beginning of their university life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: enhanced Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: 'Increased responsibility' is the more natural collocation for becoming more responsible.
- 2. Improve comparative phrase Original: Chief of these is the increase in their spending Suggested revision: Chief among these is increased spending Why it matters: This is a more concise and idiomatic way to identify the main concern.
- 3. Use direct wording Original: a monthly rent attached to their accommodation Suggested revision: monthly rent for their accommodation Why it matters: Rent is paid for accommodation, so the revised preposition is clearer and more natural.
- 4. Use plural families Original: family Suggested revision: families Why it matters: The plural group of students can belong to multiple families, requiring the plural noun.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: in the face of hard times Suggested revision: during difficult times Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same meaning more directly and formally.
- 6. Choose precise emotion Original: a more profound sense of nostalgia and loneliness Suggested revision: a stronger sense of homesickness and loneliness Why it matters: 'Homesickness' precisely describes distress caused by being away from home.
- 7. Correct relationship preposition Original: reside separately with their family Suggested revision: reside separately from their families Why it matters: 'Separately' requires 'from', and the plural noun agrees with the plural students.
- 8. Avoid entitlement implication Original: are entitled to greater opportunities Suggested revision: have greater opportunities Why it matters: 'Have' expresses access to opportunities without implying a formal right.
- 9. Use suitable transition Original: Noticeably Suggested revision: Notably Why it matters: 'Notably' is the appropriate discourse marker for highlighting the following point.
- 10. Correct adjective pattern Original: distinctive to those in their home regions Suggested revision: different from those in their home regions Why it matters: The standard comparative pattern is 'different from', while 'distinctive to' is unsuitable here.
- 11. Use time conjunction Original: if Suggested revision: when Why it matters: 'When' appropriately introduces the situation whose effects are being discussed.
Suggested Rewrites
- enhanced increased
- Chief of these is the increase in their spending Chief among these is increased spending
- a monthly rent attached to their accommodation monthly rent for their accommodation
- family families
- in the face of hard times during difficult times
- a more profound sense of nostalgia and loneliness a stronger sense of homesickness and loneliness
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers the comparison, develops both drawbacks and benefits with clear causal explanation, and maintains a persuasive position throughout. Its main weakness is presentation as one dense paragraph, alongside a few slightly unnatural lexical choices that interrupt an otherwise polished discussion. The priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and refine isolated collocations while preserving the strong balance and precision of the reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear comparative position and well-developed, relevant advantages and disadvantages.
Deepen the comparison slightly by stating why independence and broader experience carry more weight than the identified costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a highly logical sequence with controlled linking, but the absence of visible paragraph breaks makes the response unnecessarily dense.
Separate the introduction, disadvantages, advantages, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and precise overall, though a few choices such as 'reside separately with' and 'distinctive to' are not fully idiomatic.
Refine isolated collocations and prepositions so the sophisticated vocabulary sounds consistently natural rather than occasionally forced.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional minor agreement or preposition errors.
Polish the few remaining local errors, especially number agreement with 'family' and prepositions in comparative descriptions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, university students live at home, while in other countries university students go to other cities rather than live with their family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.