Full time university students spend most of the time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Full time study in university is a great experience in life but in parallel to that students become inactive in other activities such as working for their pocket money, sports, participating in debates and socialization. People differ in their opinion if students must engaged in other things or stay concentrated on their studies only. The discussion will be presented below, followed by my opinion.
Some people say that mere studying does not product an overall youth for a country. This way, students only earn theoretical knowledge -- not practical. For instance, students can be intelligent during their studies but at the same time when they come in the market to work n, they fail and cannot develop their confidence and work as brilliantly as they were in university. Hence, the best approach for them need to be engaged here and there for practical experience.
On the other hand, others believe that building a better career is the foremost thing in today’s world. So, they are targeted to their studies and gain as much knowledge as they can. Furthermore, if they are diverted from their studies, they will not be able to make their target.
In my point of view, there must be blending of full time education and extra activities. It refreshes students’ minds and provides more energy to concentrate on it. Moreover, by this way, they will learn how to be mingled with other people in the society.
To summarize, it can be said that it is important to concentrate on study but on the other hand there must be something to keep them active and relaxed being involved in games, music, work and other extra activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural transition Original: in parallel to that Suggested revision: at the same time Why it matters: The original transition is unidiomatic in this contrast.
- 2. Correct activity phrasing Original: become inactive in other activities Suggested revision: become less involved in other activities Why it matters: People become less involved in activities rather than 'inactive in' them.
- 3. Use concise collocation Original: working for their pocket money Suggested revision: earning pocket money Why it matters: 'Earn pocket money' is the natural and concise collocation.
- 4. Make list parallel Original: sports Suggested revision: playing sports Why it matters: A gerund phrase is needed to match the surrounding activity items.
- 5. Match activity form Original: socialization Suggested revision: socialising Why it matters: The gerund better matches the other activities in the list.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: opinion Suggested revision: opinions Why it matters: Different people hold multiple opinions, so the plural form is required.
- 7. Fix clause structure Original: if students must engaged Suggested revision: on whether students must engage Why it matters: An indirect alternative takes 'whether', and a modal is followed by the base verb.
- 8. Correct verb choice Original: stay concentrated on Suggested revision: concentrate on Why it matters: 'Concentrate on' is the natural verb phrase for sustained academic focus.
- 9. Use verb form Original: product Suggested revision: produce Why it matters: After 'does not', the sentence requires the base verb 'produce'.
- 10. Clarify the noun phrase Original: an overall youth for a country Suggested revision: well-rounded young people for a country Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly describe broadly developed students.
- 11. Correct knowledge collocation Original: earn Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: Knowledge is normally 'gained' rather than 'earned'.
- 12. Repair corrupted phrase Original: come in the market to work n Suggested revision: enter the job market Why it matters: The replacement removes the stray letter and expresses entering employment naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- in parallel to that at the same time
- become inactive in other activities become less involved in other activities
- working for their pocket money earning pocket money
- sports playing sports
- socialization socialising
- opinion opinions
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a recognisable position and uses a clear paragraph structure to consider study and other activities. However, its supporting ideas remain fairly general, and frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors sometimes weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to state the degree of agreement directly in the introduction and develop each reason with a precise, realistic example while checking sentence construction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and ultimately supports combining study with other activities, but the position is delayed and several ideas receive limited support.
State the extent of agreement in the introduction and develop the practical and personal benefits with specific explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure and generally logical progression, although some transitions are mechanical and references are occasionally vague.
Use clearer internal links between claims and consequences, and replace vague references such as pronouns with precise nouns where needed.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and shows some range, but frequent inaccurate formations and collocations make several phrases awkward.
Build control of common academic collocations for education, careers, and extracurricular activities before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction reduce accuracy.
Check every finite verb for its subject and tense, and practise forming complete complex sentences with accurately controlled clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Full time university students spend most of the time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.