Some people think that in order to be successful in business one has to study at university, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In the modern era, the value of a university education has become a subject of considerable debate. While some maintain that a degree remains indispensable for a successful career, others contend that practical experience can substitute for formal training. This essay will argue that, for most established professions, a university degree remains essential, before addressing the counter-argument.
A university degree provides indispensable preparation for professions requiring specialised expertise. Higher education fosters critical thinking and analytical skills that are difficult to acquire through experience alone. For example, an engineering student who tackles design problems through case studies learns to apply theoretical principles systematically — a skill directly transferable to solving unpredictable workplace challenges. Similarly, professions such as medicine and law demand a rigorous theoretical foundation that can only be gained through structured academic training; without it, employees would lack the depth of knowledge required to perform safely and effectively.
It is true that certain entrepreneurial or trade-based careers do not necessitate a degree. Some successful entrepreneurs have built thriving businesses in technology or skilled trades through apprenticeships or self-directed learning rather than formal education. However, such cases tend to be the exception rather than the rule; for every self-made entrepreneur, there are countless professionals in healthcare, engineering, or law for whom a degree remains essential, both for legal certification and specialised knowledge.
In conclusion, although alternative paths to success undeniably exist, they do not diminish the fundamental importance of university education for most skilled professions. Given the complexity modern industries increasingly demand, a strong academic foundation offers a more reliable route to long-term career success than practical experience alone.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word Choice Original: substitute for Suggested revision: replace Why it matters: Using 'replace' fits the active structure better than 'substitute for' when discussing practical experience replacing formal training.
- 2. Signposting Refinement Original: before addressing the counter-argument. Suggested revision: while also examining the opposing perspective. Why it matters: Phrasing this as 'examining the opposing perspective' sounds more natural and academic than 'addressing the counter-argument'.
- 3. Preposition Choice Original: Given the complexity modern industries increasingly demand Suggested revision: Given the complexity that modern industries increasingly demand Why it matters: Adding 'that' improves the grammatical cohesion between the noun phrase and the relative clause.
- 4. Task Alignment Original: a successful career Suggested revision: success in business Why it matters: The prompt specifically focuses on 'success in business' rather than a general 'career'. Using business-focused language keeps the essay strictly aligned with the task.
- 5. Repetition Original: indispensable preparation Suggested revision: essential grounding Why it matters: The word 'indispensable' was already used in the preceding paragraph ('indispensable for a successful career'). Varying vocabulary prevents repetitive diction.
- 6. Punctuation Style Original: learns to apply theoretical principles systematically — a skill directly transferable to solving unpredictable workplace challenges. Suggested revision: learns to apply theoretical principles systematically, a skill directly transferable to solving unpredictable workplace challenges. Why it matters: Using a comma instead of an em dash aligns better with formal academic writing style.
- 7. Prompt Relevance Original: medicine and law Suggested revision: corporate management and finance Why it matters: Medicine and law are classic public professions rather than core commercial business roles; referring to corporate fields strengthens task relevance.
- 8. Linking Word Original: without it, employees would lack Suggested revision: without such a foundation, professionals would lack Why it matters: Replacing 'it' with an explicit noun phrase makes the reference precise and improves cohesion.
- 9. Word Choice Original: necessitate Suggested revision: require Why it matters: 'Do not require' sounds slightly more natural in this context, avoiding over-formal register.
- 10. Cohesive Device Original: However, such cases tend to be Suggested revision: Nevertheless, these instances tend to be Why it matters: 'Nevertheless' creates a stronger contrast between self-made success and formal education requirements.
- 11. Tone/Precision Original: countless professionals Suggested revision: a vast majority of professionals Why it matters: 'Countless' can sound slightly exaggerated in academic writing; 'a vast majority' provides a more precise and objective tone.
- 12. Nuance Original: undeniably exist Suggested revision: are increasingly common Why it matters: Focusing on how alternative routes are becoming common strengthens the discussion of both sides before reaffirming your stance.
Suggested Rewrites
- substitute for replace
- before addressing the counter-argument. while also examining the opposing perspective.
- Given the complexity modern industries increasingly demand Given the complexity that modern industries increasingly demand
- a successful career success in business
- indispensable preparation essential grounding
- learns to apply theoretical principles systematically — a skill directly transferable to solving unpredictable workplace challenges. learns to apply theoretical principles systematically, a skill directly transferable to solving unpredictable workplace challenges.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The strongest aspect of this response is its sophisticated vocabulary and flawless grammatical control, paired with a logical essay structure. However, the main limitation is a slight drift in Task Response, as the essay focuses broadly on professions like medicine and law rather than strictly addressing success in business. To improve, ensure that all supporting arguments and examples remain precisely aligned with the specific domain defined in the prompt.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, though it broadens the topic from business success to general professional careers.
Focus examples and explanations specifically on business and commercial success rather than general professions like law or medicine.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically organized with clear paragraphing and cohesive devices that ensure a smooth flow throughout.
Continue using topic sentences that explicitly link each body paragraph back to the central business theme.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of sophisticated, topic-appropriate vocabulary is used with natural and precise control.
Incorporate more business-specific terminology to align the advanced vocabulary directly with the topic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writing demonstrates a wide variety of complex sentence structures with complete accuracy and strong grammatical control.
Sustain this high standard of grammatical precision and flexibility across different essay prompts.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in order to be successful in business one has to study at university, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.