In many urban areas, the rise in air pollution is becoming a significant concern. What are the main causes of this increase, and what effects does it have on the environment and public health?
Sample Response
The escalating levels of air pollution in urban environments have emerged as a pressing issue. This essay will explore the primary causes behind this surge and its repercussions on both the environment and public health.
One prominent cause of escalating air pollution is the exponential growth of vehicular traffic. The increasing number of automobiles, coupled with outdated emission standards, releases a significant volume of pollutants into the air. Additionally, industrial activities contribute to the problem, with factories emitting pollutants such as particulate matter and greenhouse gases.
The effects on the environment are devastating. Air pollution accelerates climate change, leading to unpredictable weather patterns and ecological imbalances. Moreover, public health bears the brunt, as respiratory illnesses and cardiovascular diseases become more prevalent due to prolonged exposure to polluted air.
In conclusion, the surge in air pollution in urban areas is primarily attributable to vehicular emissions and industrial activities. The adverse effects on both the environment and public health necessitate urgent measures, such as the implementation of stricter emission standards and the promotion of sustainable transportation. Only through concerted efforts can we mitigate the impact of air pollution and safeguard the well-being of both the planet and its inhabitants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid overstatement Original: exponential Suggested revision: rapid Why it matters: ‘Rapid’ conveys a substantial increase without the unsupported mathematical implication of ‘exponential’.
- 2. Use measured wording Original: devastating Suggested revision: severe Why it matters: ‘Severe’ is a more measured academic description of the environmental effects presented here.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: bears the brunt Suggested revision: is severely affected Why it matters: This replacement expresses the effect on public health more directly and formally.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: escalating Suggested revision: rising Why it matters: ‘Rising levels’ is the more natural collocation for an increasing concentration of pollution.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: environments Suggested revision: areas Why it matters: ‘Urban areas’ expresses the location directly and avoids an unnecessarily abstract noun.
- 6. Match the development Original: have emerged as a pressing issue Suggested revision: have become a pressing issue Why it matters: ‘Have become’ more naturally describes an issue that has grown in seriousness over time.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: escalating Suggested revision: worsening Why it matters: The replacement avoids repeating ‘escalating’ while preserving the idea of deterioration.
- 8. Use direct wording Original: vehicular Suggested revision: road Why it matters: ‘Road traffic’ is simpler and more natural without changing the identified cause.
- 9. Strengthen the link Original: industrial activities contribute to the problem Suggested revision: industrial activity also contributes to the problem Why it matters: ‘Also’ makes the addition of the second cause explicit and the singular form is more concise.
- 10. Use precise wording Original: factories emitting pollutants such as Suggested revision: factories releasing pollutants including Why it matters: ‘Releasing’ directly describes emissions, and ‘including’ introduces the listed examples cleanly.
- 11. Qualify the claim Original: accelerates climate change Suggested revision: contributes to climate change Why it matters: ‘Contributes to’ presents the causal relationship more precisely than the categorical verb ‘accelerates’.
- 12. Clarify the effects Original: leading to unpredictable weather patterns and ecological imbalances Suggested revision: which can disrupt weather patterns and ecosystems Why it matters: The revision expresses the environmental effects more directly and avoids the vague phrase ‘ecological imbalances’.
Suggested Rewrites
- exponential rapid
- devastating severe
- bears the brunt is severely affected
- escalating rising
- environments areas
- have emerged as a pressing issue have become a pressing issue
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organization and controlled, varied language, which make the causes and effects easy to follow. Its main limitation is insufficient development: at 197 words, it names relevant points but explains them only briefly, while the conclusion spends space on unrequested solutions. The priority is to extend each cause-and-effect chain with specific explanation or an example and meet the minimum length.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and both requested areas of impact are addressed, but the response is substantially under length and each idea receives only brief development.
Develop each main point with a fuller causal explanation or a specific example, and avoid using limited space for unrequested solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the response a clear progression, and cohesive links generally guide the reader smoothly.
Keep the conclusion focused on synthesizing the discussed causes and effects so it does not introduce a new solutions direction.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, with effective topic language such as particulate matter, ecological imbalances, and cardiovascular diseases.
Reduce repetition of words such as escalating and prefer measured wording where claims such as exponential growth may sound overstated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used with strong control, and the response contains very few noticeable grammatical errors.
Maintain this accuracy while adding more developed supporting sentences and varying how complex ideas are framed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many urban areas, the rise in air pollution is becoming a significant concern. What are the main causes of this increase, and what effects does it have on the environment and public health?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.