In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Sample Response
It is believed that people in some countries are gaining more weight and their health and fitness are deteriorating. In my opinion, unhealthy lifestyle and sedentary nature of work are the main reasons for these health issues.
Firstly, people are becoming lazy and they want everything without making any effort. People who are unlikely to do exercise regularly are more prone to gain more weight. In addition, due to development in modern technology, most of the works are done through machines at home. For example, people use washing machines to do their laundry which does not require any physical effort. Furthermore, people consume fast foods increasingly that are rich in calorie.
Secondly, many people in developed countries spend most of their tie in front of computers, sitting in the chair whole day. Moreover, people do not walk to their office, even if it is at walking distance. They do not want to use the staircase, but elevator and lift are being used in every building and office. This is certainly contributing considerably to add unnecessary body weight.
Finally, to tackle these serious health issues, simple but regular physical exercise can be helpful. In addition to exercise, people need to reduce intake of high-calorie food on a daily basis. Taking a short walk to purchase vegetables, daily, instead of driving a car or commuting to office by foot, if it is near, can improve health to some extent.
In conclusion, to reduce these pressing health issues of increasing unnecessary body weight, people should do physical exercise regularly and avoid consuming too much fat.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article Original: unhealthy lifestyle Suggested revision: an unhealthy lifestyle Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires an article here.
- 2. Add definite article Original: sedentary nature of work Suggested revision: the sedentary nature of work Why it matters: The definite article is needed before this specified characteristic.
- 3. Correct intended meaning Original: unlikely to do exercise regularly Suggested revision: who do not exercise regularly Why it matters: Unlikely describes probability rather than the stated habit of not exercising.
- 4. Use gerund complement Original: more prone to gain Suggested revision: more prone to gaining Why it matters: Prone to is followed by a noun or gerund.
- 5. Use plural development Original: due to development in modern technology Suggested revision: due to developments in modern technology Why it matters: The plural noun naturally refers to multiple technological advances.
- 6. Use uncountable work Original: most of the works Suggested revision: most household tasks Why it matters: Works is not the correct noun for routine tasks performed at home.
- 7. Correct agent preposition Original: are done through machines Suggested revision: are done by machines Why it matters: By introduces the agent in a passive construction.
- 8. Add relative comma Original: their laundry which Suggested revision: their laundry, which Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause needs a preceding comma.
- 9. Use mass noun Original: fast foods Suggested revision: fast food Why it matters: Fast food is normally uncountable when referring to this food category.
- 10. Use plural calories Original: rich in calorie Suggested revision: high in calories Why it matters: High in calories is the standard expression for calorie-dense food.
- 11. Correct spelling Original: most of their tie Suggested revision: most of their time Why it matters: Tie is a typographical error for time.
- 12. Correct articles Original: in the chair whole day Suggested revision: in a chair all day Why it matters: The sentence needs an indefinite article and the idiomatic time phrase all day.
Suggested Rewrites
- unhealthy lifestyle an unhealthy lifestyle
- sedentary nature of work the sedentary nature of work
- unlikely to do exercise regularly who do not exercise regularly
- more prone to gain more prone to gaining
- due to development in modern technology due to developments in modern technology
- most of the works most household tasks
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both parts and is easy to follow, with several relevant causes and practical lifestyle measures. Its main weakness is uneven development: some explanations are general, and the final solution sentence becomes logically unclear when contrasting walking, driving, and commuting; prioritise fewer causes and solutions, then explain each one precisely with a clear cause-and-effect link.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both causes and measures are addressed with relevant ideas, although several points are briefly or unevenly developed.
Select the strongest causes and solutions and explain exactly how each contributes to or reduces weight and poor fitness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall sequence, but its numbered transitions are mechanical and one solution sentence has confusing internal logic.
Use clearer logical links within paragraphs and separate the final walking example into distinct, unambiguous steps.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss health and lifestyle, but recurring collocation and word-choice problems reduce precision.
Practise natural combinations such as physical activity, high-calorie foods, spend time, and contribute to weight gain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses both simple and complex forms, though frequent errors with articles, plurals, prepositions, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for countable nouns and articles, then simplify sentences whose clause relationships are difficult to control.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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