Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Towns and cities around the world are much less healthy for their inhabitants compared to the past. This situation is the direct result of several factors, but many approaches exist to address the issue. One reason for the problem is greater population density combined with increased traffic, which, in turn, causes pollution, like air and noise, as well as stress. For example, many countries worldwide, not just in Europe, are becoming more urbanised as people move to cities because of the entertainment and education facilities available, along with greater work opportunities. As a result, city life is considerably less wholesome now both physically and mentally than for previous generations. To make city environments healthier, however, several important steps can be taken. For example, urban areas can be made greener by introducing more green spaces, even if they are only micro-gardens with a few trees, shrubs and seats. This can lead to both cleaner air and reduced stress. The problem can also be addressed by public and private buildings being made greener with the creation of roof gardens for people to relax in. Having transport systems that are efficient, cheap and comfortable is another way of ensuring that cities are healthy places. Such a measure will also enhance the quality of city life by reducing air pollution and stress on the roads as people are drawn to using the transport system. Attractive buildings that integrate work and living conditions as well as facilities like leisure, health and education set in attractive open spaces, can also lead to improvements in the health of the urban environment. Thus, despite cities being less healthy than in the past, the root causes can be tackled with several simple strategies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct comparison form Original: compared to the past Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: Use than, rather than compared to, after the comparative phrase much less healthy.
- 2. Name pollution types Original: pollution, like air and noise Suggested revision: air and noise pollution Why it matters: Air and noise are types of pollution, so this noun phrase states the relationship accurately.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: greater work opportunities Suggested revision: more job opportunities Why it matters: More job opportunities is the more natural expression for increased employment options.
- 4. Refine formal wording Original: cheap Suggested revision: affordable Why it matters: Affordable is more precise and suitably formal when describing public transport.
- 5. Make wording concise Original: ensuring that cities are healthy places Suggested revision: making cities healthier Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the intended improvement without an absolute claim.
- 6. Keep modality consistent Original: Such a measure will also Suggested revision: This measure would also Why it matters: Would fits the essay's discussion of proposed measures more consistently.
- 7. Clarify stress source Original: stress on the roads Suggested revision: traffic-related stress Why it matters: Traffic-related stress identifies the intended source more precisely.
- 8. Use direct phrasing Original: as people are drawn to using the transport system Suggested revision: by encouraging people to use public transport Why it matters: This revision states the causal relationship more directly and naturally.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: As a result, city life is considerably less wholesome now both physically and mentally than for previous generations. Suggested revision: As a result, city life is now considerably less healthy, both physically and mentally, than it was for previous generations. Why it matters: The rewrite completes the comparison and places the modifiers clearly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Attractive buildings that integrate work and living conditions as well as facilities like leisure, health and education set in attractive open spaces, can also lead to improvements in the health of the urban environment. Suggested revision: Attractive buildings that combine workplaces and homes with leisure, healthcare and education facilities in open spaces can also create a healthier urban environment. Why it matters: The rewrite resolves the unclear modifier structure and removes the incorrect comma between subject and verb.
- 11. Separate main stages Suggested revision: Divide the discussion of causes and the discussion of solutions into distinct paragraphs, each led by a clear topic sentence. Why it matters: The single long paragraph makes the progression between the two main parts harder to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- compared to the past than in the past
- pollution, like air and noise air and noise pollution
- greater work opportunities more job opportunities
- cheap affordable
- ensuring that cities are healthy places making cities healthier
- Such a measure will also This measure would also
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is fluent and uses a wide range of precise vocabulary and controlled complex sentences to present a logically sequenced discussion of urban health. Its decisive limitation is that it answers a different question, never identifying causes of homelessness or measures targeted at homeless people. The highest-priority improvement is to analyse the exact task before drafting and ensure every main idea directly addresses homelessness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses urban health and environmental quality rather than addressing the causes of homelessness and measures to solve it.
Identify both explicit task demands before planning, then build every cause, example, and solution around homelessness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move logically from urban problems to proposed remedies, but the entire response is presented as one unbroken paragraph.
Separate the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion into clear paragraphs to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective choices such as urbanised, wholesome, micro-gardens, and integrate.
Refine occasional awkward combinations such as air and noise pollution so that wording remains consistently exact and natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Review long sentences for cleaner attachment of modifying phrases and remove unnecessary commas before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.