Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
Many countries of the world are currently experiencing problems caused by rapidly growing populations in urban areas, and both governments and individuals have a duty to find ways to overcome these problems.
Overpopulation can lead to overcrowding and poor quality housing in many large cities. Poorly heated or damp housing could cause significant health problems, resulting in illness, such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another serious consequence of overcrowding is a rising crime rate as poor living conditions may lead young people in particular to take desperate measures and turn to crime or drugs.
In terms of solutions, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, it is vital that the state provides essential housing and healthcare for all its citizens. Secondly, setting up community projects to help foster more community spirit and help keep young people off the street is a good idea. For example, youth clubs or evening classes for teenagers would keep them occupied. Finally, more effective policing of inner city areas would also be beneficial.
Naturally, individuals should also try to address these problems. One way is to put pressure on the government to ensure they tackle the problems by, for instance, forming action groups to lobby the government and request intervention and adequate funding. They could also form Neighbourhood Watch areas to try and help reduce the high levels of crime.
Therefore, it is clear that the problems caused by overpopulation in urban areas are very serious. Yet if governments and individuals share a collective responsibility, then it may well become possible to offer some solutions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wordiness Original: Many countries of the world Suggested revision: Many countries Why it matters: 'Of the world' is redundant because countries are inherently global entities.
- 2. Match plural examples Original: resulting in illness, such as Suggested revision: resulting in illnesses such as Why it matters: The plural noun fits the two examples and does not need a separating comma.
- 3. Use concise collocation Original: a rising crime rate Suggested revision: a rise in crime Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural expression of the increase.
- 4. Clarify parallel meaning Original: crime or drugs Suggested revision: crime or drug use Why it matters: People can turn to drug use, whereas 'turn to drugs' is less precise in this parallel structure.
- 5. Use generic plural Original: I believe the government Suggested revision: I believe governments Why it matters: The plural form matches the general discussion of responsibilities across countries.
- 6. Avoid repeated wording Original: help foster more community spirit and help keep Suggested revision: foster a stronger community spirit and keep Why it matters: This removes the repeated 'help' and uses a more natural collocation.
- 7. Use standard idiom Original: street Suggested revision: streets Why it matters: The conventional expression for preventing street involvement uses the plural 'streets'.
- 8. Fix pronoun agreement Original: ensure they tackle Suggested revision: ensure that it tackles Why it matters: The singular antecedent 'government' requires the pronoun 'it'.
- 9. Use precise noun Original: areas Suggested revision: schemes Why it matters: 'Schemes' accurately names organized neighbourhood crime-prevention initiatives.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: share a collective responsibility Suggested revision: share responsibility Why it matters: 'Share' already conveys that the responsibility is collective.
Suggested Rewrites
- Many countries of the world Many countries
- resulting in illness, such as resulting in illnesses such as
- a rising crime rate a rise in crime
- crime or drugs crime or drug use
- I believe the government I believe governments
- help foster more community spirit and help keep foster a stronger community spirit and keep
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear problem-solution structure, with relevant explanations and practical measures assigned to both governments and individuals. Its main limitation is that several proposed measures are asserted rather than fully linked to the specific causes discussed. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen those causal links and make the relationship between each problem and solution more explicit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses two serious problems and proposes relevant actions for both governments and individuals with clear support.
Strengthen the answer further by explaining more precisely how each proposed measure would alleviate its corresponding problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without becoming intrusive.
Make the transition from the identified problems to each group of solutions even tighter by explicitly signalling the problem-solution links.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, topic-appropriate, and generally precise, with effective phrases for housing, health, crime, and civic action.
Refine occasional broad or slightly awkward choices, such as forming Neighbourhood Watch areas, for greater idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor issues do not impede communication.
Polish pronoun reference and agreement in longer sentences so that every relationship remains immediately clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.