In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Sample Response
Over the last ten years, pupil’s behavior is a serious problem for a lot of schools around the world. Indeed, according to the statistic, the level of school workers compliances on the pupils behavior have increased significantly. This essay will examine the reasons why this has occurred and suggest some possible solutions. One of the reasons for this is that teachers now lack the freedom to discipline children. In the past, teachers could use any methods they felt appropriate to control pupils in their class, even if this meant physical punishment. However, the balance has now changed, with children aware that there are limits to what a teacher can do and without this respect children’s behaviour could be inappropriate. There have, for instance, been cases were pupils have sued teachers for disciplining them too harshly. Children should of course not be abused, but teachers must be given more power to use the methods that they think appropriate to control the class without fear of recrimination. Another factor may be the diet of children. Research has widely reported that the additives on a lot of the snacks and carbonated drinks that children drink regularly can cause behavioural changes such as hyperactivity. This may lead to significant problem with child’s behaviour at school. To prevent this, schools must make sure that these snacks are not available at the school. Parents have a part to play as well, and they must ensure that their children are not given too much of these types of snacks at home. To conclude, children may have serious problems with their behaviour at school because of a lack of discipline in schools and additives from snacks. However, the solutions are to give more power back to teachers and to limit the availability of certain food.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Possessive error Original: pupil’s behavior Suggested revision: pupil behaviour Why it matters: The sentence refers to behaviour by pupils generally, not one pupil’s possession.
- 2. Wrong word choice Original: school workers compliances Suggested revision: school staff complaints Why it matters: Complaints is the intended word, not compliances.
- 3. Missing possessive Original: the pupils behavior Suggested revision: pupils' behaviour Why it matters: Use a plural possessive form for behaviour belonging to pupils.
- 4. Agreement error Original: have increased Suggested revision: has increased Why it matters: The subject level is singular, so the verb should be has.
- 5. Vague reference Original: One of the reasons for this is Suggested revision: One reason for this behavioural problem is Why it matters: Naming the issue makes the transition clearer.
- 6. Overgeneral phrase Original: any methods Suggested revision: a wider range of methods Why it matters: Any methods is too broad and can imply unlimited or inappropriate methods.
- 7. Wrong relative word Original: were pupils have sued Suggested revision: where pupils have sued Why it matters: Use where for cases or situations.
- 8. Unclear phrase Original: without this respect Suggested revision: without respect for teachers Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly identify who should respect whom.
- 9. Parenthetical commas Original: should of course not be abused Suggested revision: should, of course, not be abused Why it matters: Of course should be set off with commas in this sentence.
- 10. Wrong preposition Original: additives on a lot of the snacks Suggested revision: additives in many snacks Why it matters: Additives are in food, not on it.
- 11. Number error Original: significant problem with Suggested revision: significant problems with Why it matters: The phrase refers to behavioural problems in general, so the plural is needed.
- 12. Article use Original: at the school Suggested revision: at school Why it matters: At school is the natural general phrase here.
Suggested Rewrites
- pupil’s behavior pupil behaviour
- school workers compliances school staff complaints
- the pupils behavior pupils' behaviour
- have increased has increased
- One of the reasons for this is One reason for this behavioural problem is
- any methods a wider range of methods
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay answers both parts of the question with two clear causes and matching solutions: reduced teacher authority and children’s diet. The ideas are relevant and supported, though the discussion could include a wider range of school, family, and social factors.
Add one more cause or broaden the second solution with practical measures such as parent-school rules, counselling, or behaviour policies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Progression is clear within the argument, but the whole response is presented as one block, which limits paragraphing and makes the essay harder to scan. Linking is generally logical, though several references such as this and these snacks could be more precise.
Separate the essay into an introduction, one body paragraph on discipline, one on diet, and a short conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and sometimes precise, including discipline, physical punishment, sued teachers, additives, hyperactivity, and recrimination. There are noticeable word-form and collocation errors such as compliances, additives on, and significant problem with.
Use natural education collocations such as complaints about pupil behaviour, additives in snacks, and behavioural problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows control of complex sentences and meaning is usually clear. However, there are errors with possessives, agreement, articles, relative clauses, and modal phrasing, and the lack of sentence separation makes some ideas heavy.
Check plural agreement and possessive forms, especially pupils, teachers, children, and problems.