Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
It is an irrefutable fact that computer games have been the most renowned form of entertainment over the past few years due to the latest innovations by a wide range of cutting-edge technologies. Whether playing video games is considered lucrative or prejudicial remains a concept of contretemps. In this exposition, I will talk through the merits and disadvantages of playing these games on electronic devices along with my certitude that cons prevail over pros with credible illustrations.
On the one hand, some people claim that the sole purpose of playing video games is for entertainment and it is a form of relaxation which rejuvenates us from the hectic work schedules. It tends to improve our concentration by focusing on these games and increases problem-solving skills. Furthermore, these games are programmed with various foreign languages, and players have the option to select dialects according to their desire. This eventually enhances their knowledge of a plethora of languages spoken all around the world. Therefore, these applications improve our skills in various aspects, such as concentration and foreign languages.
On the flip side, there are numerous reasons for the downside of these applications. Individuals lack physical activities as they remain in one place and keep peeking into their gadgets for long durations of time. This gradually leads to severe health complications such as becoming obese due to prolonged hours of sitting. Furthermore, there is a myriad of problems which impacts our physical well-being. For instance, our eyesight is deeply affected, and most of the citizens in this generation are forced to wear spectacles due to the emission of detrimental light from computers and mobiles. Furthermore, children are accustomed to playing perilous games, which inculcates the shooting and killing of humans. This creates adverse effects on kids, and there are high chances that they might implement the same in their lives. Thus there are multiple challenges which a person or a child has to tackle if they persist in playing such games.
Taking everything into consideration, this discourse has elucidated optimistic and pessimistic perspectives of playing video games. Although there are some positive aspects, in my viewpoint, there are many demerits when compared to the advantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: the most renowned form Suggested revision: one of the most popular forms Why it matters: The replacement expresses popularity more naturally and avoids an unjustified superlative.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: innovations by Suggested revision: advances in Why it matters: Technology develops through advances in a field rather than innovations by technologies.
- 3. Choose accurate word Original: lucrative Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: Lucrative means profitable, whereas the intended contrast concerns whether games are beneficial.
- 4. Use natural adjective Original: prejudicial Suggested revision: harmful Why it matters: Harmful is the natural adjective for describing the negative effects of video games.
- 5. Replace awkward phrase Original: a concept of contretemps Suggested revision: a matter of debate Why it matters: Contretemps does not naturally describe an ongoing disagreement about an issue.
- 6. Use essay register Original: exposition Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: Essay is clearer and more conventional than the overly elaborate exposition here.
- 7. Use formal verb Original: talk through Suggested revision: discuss Why it matters: Discuss is a more concise academic verb in this context.
- 8. Use natural noun Original: certitude Suggested revision: belief Why it matters: Certitude is unnecessarily unusual and sounds unnatural in this statement of opinion.
- 9. Use precise comparison Original: cons prevail over pros Suggested revision: drawbacks outweigh the benefits Why it matters: This phrasing states the comparison more precisely and suits an academic essay.
- 10. Remove faulty complement Original: is for entertainment Suggested revision: is entertainment Why it matters: Purpose is followed directly by the noun complement entertainment in this construction.
- 11. Correct collocation Original: rejuvenates us from the hectic work schedules Suggested revision: helps us recover from hectic work schedules Why it matters: Rejuvenate does not combine naturally with from to express recovery after work.
- 12. Use accurate term Original: dialects Suggested revision: languages Why it matters: The available options are described as languages, not regional varieties of one language.
Suggested Rewrites
- the most renowned form one of the most popular forms
- innovations by advances in
- lucrative beneficial
- prejudicial harmful
- a concept of contretemps a matter of debate
- exposition essay
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear position and broad coverage of both benefits and drawbacks, with relevant examples arranged in a logical structure. Its main limitation is imprecise, overly elaborate vocabulary and several unsupported or overstated claims, which reduce naturalness and persuasiveness; the highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer points more carefully using precise everyday academic language and evidence that directly supports the comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparative question with a clear position and discusses relevant benefits and drawbacks, although some supporting claims are generalized or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop fewer reasons in greater depth and explicitly explain why the identified drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear thematic paragraphs, but repeated mechanical linkers and some loose internal connections reduce cohesion.
Use a wider range of natural referencing and transitions so relationships between sentences are clear without repeatedly relying on signposting words.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate or strained choices such as overly ornate expressions reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritize accurate, idiomatic academic vocabulary over uncommon words whose meanings or collocations are uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas clearly, though agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-control errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and clear pronoun reference, simplifying structures when accuracy begins to weaken.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.