People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Sample Response
Video games have become an indispensable part of modern life, especially for children and teenagers. Some people emphasize their advantagesuphold its advantages and merits, while others have reservations about themit. In my opinion, though these games offerpose some advantages they do more harmit does more harm to the people.
On the one hand, there are some benefits of video games. Firstly, they actFirstly it acts as an entertainment tool. That is, it gives an opportunity to relax after busy work or study periodshectic duty or study hours, refreshes our mind as well. As a result, it gives an impression to the public that it gives peace, relaxation and tension free. Another interesting factor is that they improve our skillsit improves our skill. More specificallyTo make it clearer, to play video games we need to coordinate our vision, cognitive ability and the movements of hands. Here comes associated activity of our brain and body. As a result, they improve our skillsit improves our skills and helps usthis in our daily pursuits.
On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the drawbacks of video games. Firstly, they reduce socialisationit reduces socialisation. It is a game only with one person and the device, so there is no mingling, interaction, communication etc with others. Hence, it transforms a person into an introvert and isolates this person from societyfrom the society. This results in harmful influence onpernicious influence in the personality development of children. Moreover, it can be addictive. Since there is a treasure trove, limitless fun and easy access via the internetaccessibility from the internet without any payment, the use expands by people irrespective of age. This, in turn, affectsThis intern affects their academic pursuits as well as the performance of work. In addition, playing video games for a long time causescause physical complications. That is improper body language and uncomfortable environment while playing video games harm the physical conditions. This can end up in a backache, vision problem, joint pain and so on.
To sum up, it is proved beyond doubt that video games do more harm than benefit to peoplemore harm to people than benefits. We should use our prudence and discernment while playing video games and use as a relaxation technique, not be addictive.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives a clear qualified position and considers both benefits and harms, with relevant discussion of relaxation, coordination, social isolation, addiction, academic performance, and health. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate wording and grammar, while several causal claims are asserted too broadly; the highest-priority improvement is to develop one concrete example on each side and express the comparison with simpler, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the choice question with a clear view that harms outweigh benefits and develops several relevant points, though some explanations are generalised or insufficiently supported.
Use specific examples to show how a game can develop coordination and how excessive play can impair study, then explain why the latter impact is more significant.
Coherence and Cohesion
The advantages-disadvantages structure is clear and progression is broadly logical, but mechanical sequencing and repetitive result links reduce fluency.
Give each body paragraph a precise controlling idea and use fewer formulaic phrases such as "Firstly," "As a result," and "That is."
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a broad range, including "socialisation," "cognitive ability," and "pernicious," but frequent miscollocations and word-choice errors impair precision.
Use natural phrases such as "provides relaxation," "hand-eye coordination," "social interaction," "addictive," and "academic performance."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but recurring agreement, pronoun, article, and sentence-structure errors affect many sentences.
Proofread singular-plural reference and verb agreement, for example "video games have benefits," "they do more harm," and "playing for long periods causes health problems."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.