People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Sample Response
Video games have become an indispensable part of modern life, especially for children and teenagers. Some people uphold its advantages and merits, while others have reservations about it. In my opinion, though these games pose some advantages it does more harm to the people.
On the one hand, there are some benefits of video games. Firstly it acts as an entertainment tool. That is, it gives an opportunity to relax after hectic duty or study hours, refreshes our mind as well. As a result, it gives an impression to the public that it gives peace, relaxation and tension free. Another interesting factor is that it improves our skill. To make it clearer, to play video games we need to coordinate our vision, cognitive ability and the movements of hands. Here comes associated activity of our brain and body. As a result, it improves our skills and helps this in our daily pursuits.
On the other hand, it is fairly easy to understand the drawbacks of video games. Firstly, it reduces socialisation. It is a game only with one person and the device, so there is no mingling, interaction, communication etc with others. Hence, it transforms a person into an introvert and isolates this person from the society. This results in pernicious influence in the personality development of children. Moreover, it can be addictive. Since there is a treasure trove, limitless fun and easy accessibility from the internet without any payment, the use expands by people irrespective of age. This intern affects their academic pursuits as well as the performance of work. In addition, playing video games for a long time cause physical complications. That is improper body language and uncomfortable environment while playing video games harm the physical conditions. This can end up in a backache, vision problem, joint pain and so on.
To sum up, it is proved beyond doubt that video games do more harm to people than benefits. We should use our prudence and discernment while playing video games and use as a relaxation technique, not be addictive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix pronoun and redundancy Original: uphold its advantages and merits Suggested revision: emphasize their advantages Why it matters: The plural noun needs “their,” and “advantages” and “merits” repeat the same meaning.
- 2. Match plural games Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun “video games.”
- 3. Use benefit collocation Original: pose Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: Something offers advantages but poses problems or risks.
- 4. Use plural agreement Original: it does more harm Suggested revision: they do more harm Why it matters: The subject refers to plural video games.
- 5. Add comma and agreement Original: Firstly it acts Suggested revision: Firstly, they act Why it matters: The introductory adverb needs a comma, and the pronoun and verb must be plural.
- 6. Use natural activity phrase Original: hectic duty or study hours Suggested revision: busy work or study periods Why it matters: The replacement describes demanding work and study time naturally.
- 7. Use plural agreement Original: it improves our skill Suggested revision: they improve our skills Why it matters: Both the subject and the general set of abilities should be plural.
- 8. Use precise elaboration marker Original: To make it clearer Suggested revision: More specifically Why it matters: The replacement introduces the concrete explanation more directly.
- 9. Use plural subject pronoun Original: it improves our skills Suggested revision: they improve our skills Why it matters: The pronoun must refer to plural video games.
- 10. Fix object reference Original: this Suggested revision: us Why it matters: People, not an unspecified “this,” receive the benefit.
- 11. Use plural subject Original: it reduces socialisation Suggested revision: they reduce socialisation Why it matters: The pronoun and verb must agree with plural video games.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: from the society Suggested revision: from society Why it matters: “Society” is used generally here and does not take “the.”
Suggested Rewrites
- uphold its advantages and merits emphasize their advantages
- it them
- pose offer
- it does more harm they do more harm
- Firstly it acts Firstly, they act
- hectic duty or study hours busy work or study periods
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives a clear qualified position and considers both benefits and harms, with relevant discussion of relaxation, coordination, social isolation, addiction, academic performance, and health. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate wording and grammar, while several causal claims are asserted too broadly; the highest-priority improvement is to develop one concrete example on each side and express the comparison with simpler, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the choice question with a clear view that harms outweigh benefits and develops several relevant points, though some explanations are generalised or insufficiently supported.
Use specific examples to show how a game can develop coordination and how excessive play can impair study, then explain why the latter impact is more significant.
Coherence and Cohesion
The advantages-disadvantages structure is clear and progression is broadly logical, but mechanical sequencing and repetitive result links reduce fluency.
Give each body paragraph a precise controlling idea and use fewer formulaic phrases such as "Firstly," "As a result," and "That is."
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a broad range, including "socialisation," "cognitive ability," and "pernicious," but frequent miscollocations and word-choice errors impair precision.
Use natural phrases such as "provides relaxation," "hand-eye coordination," "social interaction," "addictive," and "academic performance."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but recurring agreement, pronoun, article, and sentence-structure errors affect many sentences.
Proofread singular-plural reference and verb agreement, for example "video games have benefits," "they do more harm," and "playing for long periods causes health problems."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People have easy access to video games nowadays and many people consider playing video games as a form of entertainment or even educational. Others however completely deny this and say that video games only have negative effects on people. Which point of view do you agree with? Why?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.