Although sports events are very popular, violence at these events is on the increase. Why is this so? What should authorities do to prevent violence from taking place at sports events?
Sample Response
Despite the increasing popularity of sports events all around the world, violence at those eventsbrutality concerning those events, particularly among fans, has attracted global attentionhas globally grabbed attention. This essay elucidates the wagering of fans as one of the crucial ingredients for the conflicts and then connotes that setting heavy fines by authorities is a good solution. To begincommence with, we need to consider why sports fans behave so irrationallyreasons for people who love sports to behave such irrationally, especially when they watch live sports. This should be examined from different perspectives to fully understand the causes of this behaviourpurposes of this attitude. Financial stakes, howeverMonetary incentives, however, could be identifiedcould widely be indicated as one of the main causes of this misconductchief agents for this misconduct. To illustrate, many people worldwideglobally many people are addicted to betting on their favourite athletessportsmen or teams, ranging from football matches to horse-racing eventshorse riding competitions. The stress of not succeeding in their bet and correspondingly losing a great deal of money leads to accusing violent treatment. These behaviours might occur in the form of bothering or hurting other individuals or damaging public propertyproperties. Considering the diverse angles of this social phenomenon, setting a bunch of penalties against the populace particularly in gambling acts concerning sports events somehow could result in a fewer brutal etiquette of sport competition followers. As evidence, in some countries like Iran, wagering on any incident is identified as an unruly action on both legal and religious groundsin terms of legal and religion alike. Moreover, offenders could face heavy finesheavy fines could be waiting for offenders attempting to bet on games and sports competitions. To conclude, although the causes of violent behaviour in sports events need to be consideredare needed to be considered from a different angle, the financial losses stemming from losing a wagerlosing wager can be suitably responsible for such behaviourmanners. Nevertheless, this violence could be controlledit could be under control by legislating stricter laws regarding wagering, in particular, in the field of sports competitions.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay’s strongest feature is that it answers both questions consistently by linking gambling losses to aggression and proposing legal penalties. Its main limitation is the narrow, indirect treatment of sports violence, compounded by pervasive unnatural wording that often obscures otherwise relevant ideas. The highest priority is to explain the cause-and-effect chain more precisely and propose measures aimed directly at violent conduct inside venues.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the cause and prevention questions are addressed, but the response relies on one narrow gambling explanation and a solution whose effect on venue violence is insufficiently demonstrated.
Add a direct cause such as alcohol, rivalry, or weak crowd control and explain how a targeted authority measure would prevent the resulting violence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable cause-solution sequence, but one dense paragraph, mechanical signposting, and unclear referencing weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, cause, solution, and conclusion into paragraphs and give each body paragraph a direct topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts a broad academic vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations substantially reduce precision and sometimes obscure meaning.
Use straightforward phrases such as “fan violence”, “a major cause”, “aggressive behaviour”, and “impose heavy fines” instead of forced alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but frequent errors in clause formation, comparison, passive voice, articles, and word forms limit grammatical accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences and revise patterns such as “behave irrationally”, “fewer violent incidents”, and “violence can be controlled”.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Although sports events are very popular, violence at these events is on the increase. Why is this so? What should authorities do to prevent violence from taking place at sports events?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.