Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
On the one hand, some see violent movies and games as harmful and should be removed from circulation. This is because they make people unconsciously violent. One of the ways learning takes place is by observation; that is, people learn from what they watch. Hence, the content of their observations tends to influence how they behave. Thus, those that feed their eyes with damaging content will have a negative attitude, as they will always want to practice what they have learnt. To illustrate, it has been discovered that children who watch Jackie Chan, a popular Bollywood movie, tend to bully their colleagues because they want to act like Jackie Chan to show their power. Similarly, these kinds of films and games can make someone have a panic attack. They usually contain scary pictures and acts, and this can make someone unnecessarily fearful, especially when something related to these occurs physically. For example, when I watch snake on a plane, an American movie series, I always panic when it is dark, hoping that I might see a snake somewhere in the house.
On the other hand, other people feel that horror videos and digital games are means of relaxing and do not have a negative effect because they are entertaining. Movies and computer games that contain violence usually entertain people because they are never boring to watch. Moreover, they have graphics and sound effects that stimulate the brain, which help people feel relaxed when watching them. In addition, some lessons can be learnt from them, such as defensive mechanisms and how to be security conscious. For instance, I learnt from a horror film that leaving a radio switch on when not at home can prevent house bugling because the buglers will think the house owner is around when the radio is working.
In conclusion, violent entertainment media are now popular. Some think they are dangerous to society and should be banned, while others think otherwise. However, in my opinion, computer games and videos with horrible content negatively impact society. This is because they encourage abusive attitudes and crimes in the community. Therefore, it is recommended that government should pass legislation that producers of such entertainment should place parental guardian control on them to prevent children from watching.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the meaning Original: make people unconsciously violent Suggested revision: make people violent without their realising it Why it matters: This wording expresses the unintended development of violent behaviour more clearly.
- 2. Use concise structure Original: One of the ways learning takes place Suggested revision: One way in which learning takes place Why it matters: This is a cleaner and more natural relative-clause structure.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: those that feed their eyes with damaging content Suggested revision: those who consume damaging content Why it matters: “Consume content” is the natural collocation, and “who” refers appropriately to people.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: a negative attitude Suggested revision: negative attitudes Why it matters: The plural form fits the general reference to the behaviour of multiple people.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: practice what they have learnt Suggested revision: imitate what they have seen Why it matters: “Imitate” more precisely conveys copying behaviour observed in violent media.
- 6. Use causative pattern Original: make someone have a panic attack Suggested revision: cause someone to have a panic attack Why it matters: This causative structure is more natural and precise in formal writing.
- 7. Use precise media terms Original: scary pictures and acts Suggested revision: frightening images and scenes Why it matters: “Images and scenes” describes visual media content more accurately than “pictures and acts.”
- 8. Clarify vague wording Original: something related to these occurs physically Suggested revision: a similar event occurs in real life Why it matters: The replacement states the intended comparison clearly and naturally.
- 9. Correct meaning Original: hoping Suggested revision: fearing Why it matters: “Fearing” matches the panic described, whereas “hoping” expresses a desire for the event.
- 10. Keep terms consistent Original: horror videos and digital games Suggested revision: violent films and computer games Why it matters: Using the task’s terms keeps the discussion focused on the same media category.
- 11. Fix noun phrase Original: are means of relaxing Suggested revision: are a means of relaxation Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the article “a” and the noun “relaxation.”
- 12. Use precise term Original: defensive mechanisms Suggested revision: self-defence techniques Why it matters: This phrase more clearly describes practical ways of protecting oneself.
Suggested Rewrites
- make people unconsciously violent make people violent without their realising it
- One of the ways learning takes place One way in which learning takes place
- those that feed their eyes with damaging content those who consume damaging content
- a negative attitude negative attitudes
- practice what they have learnt imitate what they have seen
- make someone have a panic attack cause someone to have a panic attack
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both views, gives a clear opinion, and supports its points with extended examples in a logical overall structure. However, it repeatedly blurs violent content with horror, and several examples and word choices are imprecise, weakening the argument's relevance and credibility. The priority is to keep every supporting point focused on media violence and express examples with more accurate, natural vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed, but parts of the discussion shift from violence to horror and some examples are not fully convincing.
Use directly relevant evidence about violent media and explain how it supports either a ban or a less restrictive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The two viewpoints are clearly separated and progression is easy to follow, though linking is sometimes repetitive and individual paragraphs are overextended.
Divide each main viewpoint into more focused stages and use referencing instead of repeatedly restating 'movies and computer games.'
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss the topic, but frequent awkward or inaccurate combinations such as 'feed their eyes' and 'house bugling' reduce precision.
Choose standard collocations such as 'consume harmful content,' 'burglaries,' and 'parental controls,' and check unfamiliar words carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, and reference reduce control.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject and matching verb structure, particularly after relative clauses and reporting verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.