Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
Crimes nowadays are more prevalent in all parts of the world. Clearly, the crime rates have increased over the years, as seen in the news and as shown in Statistics. Some believe that this is mainly due to the influence of violent games that the children played. In my opinion, violent games can have a big impact on a child's views, opinions and attitudes which could influence their decision making thus, making them more prone to commit misconduct.
Online gaming is predominant these days. This is due to the availability and ease of access to computers. Violent games in this modern world are more dominant. Most children due to the influence of their peers are playing this type of games. As we can see, most people, especially after school, are being attracted to go online and compete with their friends on games like the craft of war, counter strike etc. These games are considered to be dangerous because they are showing a lot of violent stuff like killing, shooting by means of gun and rape.
The violent games can play a major role in a child's overall being. Aggression and impatience can be a result of this kind of play which can be a major cause why people are becoming evil which leads them to commit crimes. An example we can site is the one that I recently saw on the news where a 10-year-old boy becomes addicted to counter strike and when his mother scolded him and stop him from playing the said game, he killed his mother. This instance illustrates how violent gaming can have a huge effect on increasing a child tendency to do an offence.
In summary, we can say that violent these violent games have a detrimental effect on youth which can cause a rise in crime rates. Therefore, all parents should guide and monitor their springs. They should limit their child's exposure to this kind of stuff. Laws can also be implemented so that strict rules can be provided to decrease the exposure to these aggressive plays.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the uncountable noun Original: Crimes nowadays are Suggested revision: Crime is now Why it matters: Use uncountable 'crime' for the general phenomenon and pair it with a singular verb.
- 2. Use lowercase Original: Statistics Suggested revision: statistics Why it matters: A common noun in the middle of a sentence should not be capitalised.
- 3. Use the present tense Original: games that the children played Suggested revision: games that children play Why it matters: The essay describes a current general influence, so the simple present and no definite article are appropriate.
- 4. Remove the comma Original: thus, making Suggested revision: thus making Why it matters: A comma should not separate 'thus' from the participial phrase it introduces.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: predominant Suggested revision: widespread Why it matters: 'Widespread' more precisely describes how common online gaming has become.
- 6. Clarify the comparison Original: dominant Suggested revision: prevalent Why it matters: 'Prevalent' appropriately describes frequency, while 'more dominant' lacks a clear comparison here.
- 7. Match singular and plural Original: this type of games Suggested revision: these types of games Why it matters: The demonstrative and noun phrase must agree with the plural 'games'.
- 8. Correct the verb pattern Original: are being attracted to go online Suggested revision: are attracted to going online Why it matters: The preposition 'to' in this expression is followed by a gerund.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: stuff Suggested revision: content Why it matters: 'Content' is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 10. Correct the noun phrase Original: shooting by means of gun Suggested revision: shooting with guns Why it matters: 'With guns' is the natural prepositional phrase and requires a plural count noun in this general statement.
- 11. Remove the article Original: The violent games Suggested revision: Violent games Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring to violent games in general.
- 12. Use a precise noun Original: being Suggested revision: development Why it matters: 'Development' clearly expresses the intended effect on a child, whereas 'being' is vague here.
Suggested Rewrites
- Crimes nowadays are Crime is now
- Statistics statistics
- games that the children played games that children play
- thus, making thus making
- predominant widespread
- dominant prevalent
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear opinion and organises its explanation into recognisable stages, with an example that illustrates the proposed link between violent games and crime. However, the reasoning is sometimes simplistic or descriptive, and frequent awkward vocabulary and grammatical errors weaken precision. The main priority is to build a more balanced causal argument while improving control of word forms, collocations, and complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and relevant reasons are presented, but the causal argument is only moderately developed and relies on an extreme anecdote.
Examine how games may influence behaviour while acknowledging other causes of urban crime and supporting claims with more credible reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the response generally progresses from context to effects and recommendations, though some links are repetitive or mechanical.
Give each body paragraph one sharply defined controlling idea and use reference words and transitions more precisely to connect supporting details.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss the topic, but frequent repetition, inaccurate word forms, and unnatural collocations limit flexibility and precision.
Replace vague or incorrect expressions with accurate topic vocabulary and check common collocations for crime, child development, supervision, and gaming.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts both simple and complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, tense, articles, possessives, and clause structure reduce control.
Practise constructing shorter accurate complex sentences, then proofread every verb and noun phrase for agreement, tense, articles, and possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.