Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The importance of films and computer entertainment invites crime to become popular in the contemporary Era. It is always debatable and has now become more controversial, with many people claiming that it is beneficial in terms of entertainment while others reject this notion. In my opinion, both the use of movies and computer games appears to be more rational but practically, its addiction to be controlled. This essay will further elaborate my views and thus lead to a logical conclusion.
Analyzing the statement and explaining further the first and foremost reason behind it is that owing to movies and computer games, they are now becoming stress busters against people’s hectic work schedule. Another striking benefit in this regard is that by watching movies and computer games, juveniles can adopt logical thinking as well as imagination. For instance, in India, ‘whitewater Jr’ is a platform where children are invited to make logical codes of the game when playing it, which can boost their thinking obscenities and mind development. Thus, games are more righteous.
However, there are many pitfalls that negate this argument and the potential influence of this trend, but the most alarming one is that games and movies are becoming an addiction for many people, which lead to spending more time themselves in these activities, and they are often involved with less social arrangements. Moreover, movie scenes and games sometimes inculcate crime, and we have many cases observed in the media. For example, last year in India, people preferred to play a game called “PUBG” as this is a shooting type of online virtual entertainment. In many regions of India, we have seen a crime, so authorities have banned this game. Hence, these apparent needs to be controlled.
To recapitulate, according to the arguments aforementioned above, even though games and movies are imperative for the fie populace’s entertainment in my viewpoint, limited use of there is always acceptable. In addition, its potential drawbacks should not be overlooked either.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the right concept Original: importance Suggested revision: popularity Why it matters: The sentence concerns how widespread this entertainment is rather than its importance.
- 2. Clarify the claim Original: invites crime to become popular Suggested revision: has made depictions of crime more widespread Why it matters: The original expression is unnatural and obscures the intended link to violent content.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: It is always debatable Suggested revision: This issue has long been debated Why it matters: The replacement supplies a clear referent and a natural description of an ongoing debate.
- 4. Add the preposition Original: elaborate my views Suggested revision: elaborate on my views Why it matters: The verb “elaborate” requires “on” before the object in this construction.
- 5. Use the correct activity Original: watching movies and computer games Suggested revision: watching movies and playing computer games Why it matters: Computer games are played rather than watched in the intended comparison.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: adopt Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: People develop a thinking ability rather than adopt it.
- 7. Use programming language Original: make logical codes of the game Suggested revision: write logical code for games Why it matters: The original phrase uses unnatural verb and noun combinations for programming.
- 8. Correct the word choice Original: obscenities Suggested revision: abilities Why it matters: “Obscenities” means offensive words or acts and does not express mental skills.
- 9. Use an appropriate adjective Original: games are more righteous Suggested revision: games can be beneficial Why it matters: “Righteous” describes moral correctness and does not express the claimed practical benefit.
- 10. Clarify the effect Original: inculcate crime Suggested revision: encourage criminal behaviour Why it matters: Crime is not something that media “inculcates”; the replacement expresses the intended influence naturally.
- 11. Fix passive structure Original: we have many cases observed Suggested revision: many such cases have been reported Why it matters: The original word order does not form a grammatical passive construction.
- 12. Use the plural form Original: we have seen a crime Suggested revision: crimes have occurred Why it matters: The general claim about multiple regions requires a plural noun and a more appropriate verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- importance popularity
- invites crime to become popular has made depictions of crime more widespread
- It is always debatable This issue has long been debated
- elaborate my views elaborate on my views
- watching movies and computer games watching movies and playing computer games
- adopt develop
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognisable four-paragraph structure and attempts to present both perspectives with examples. However, the positive discussion often concerns games and films generally rather than violent content, the position is awkwardly expressed, and frequent inaccurate wording and grammar strain clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to state a precise view on censorship and develop directly relevant reasons in simpler, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both broad perspectives are mentioned, but the discussion only partly addresses violent content and the final position lacks precision.
Focus every main idea on violent media and state clearly whether censorship, restriction, or unrestricted access is preferable and why.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence and overall contrast are clear, although formulaic linking and confusing sentence logic weaken progression within paragraphs.
Use direct topic sentences and connect each example explicitly to the paragraph’s central claim instead of relying on stock transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt at varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Prioritise precise familiar wording and replace expressions such as ‘thinking obscenities’, ‘games are more righteous’, and ‘social arrangements’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but recurring agreement, pronoun, article, and clause-structure errors reduce clarity.
Write shorter complete clauses first, then check each sentence for a clear subject, correct verb agreement, and accurate pronoun reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.