People who watch a lot of violent television programs will find that this influences their behaviour when they are angry or upset. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is believed that when a person sees a lot of sadistic and brutal scenes on television, it will affect on his emotion as he becomes more aggressive when he is angry. I would agree with the statement, as many violent cases have been reported due to the effect of television shows. To begin with, it is undeniable that violent television shows have some negative effects on their viewers. As we see that most of the highest rating films on televisions are all about wars, criminal acts, murders and terrors, they become the prime shows for many television stations. As a result, we cannot avoid in watching these films and they gradually affect our mind. Many of these programs are showing that fighting or shooting a gun is a normal scene when people are angry, and as a consequence, the number of gun murderers has increased rapidly in some countries. Then, in some shows, they even make it into a sporting event, such as the Ultimate Fighting Champion or World Wide Wrestling. These dangerous scenes have affected young people, as they see that hitting another person or slamming the opponent with a chair is an exciting thing. Teenagers who watch these shows frequently would try to do the same thing to their friends and that results some injuries and accidents. In the children criminal record, it is found that many of them have become aggressive due to the effect of the films they have watched. Therefore it is important for parents to monitor the type of shows that their children are watching. In conclusion, I strongly agree that violent scenes on television programs could influence our emotional thinking. Therefore, we should avoid in watching these films frequently and we should also give some explanation to the young people as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wrong preposition Original: affect on his emotion Suggested revision: affect his emotions Why it matters: The verb 'affect' takes a direct object, and the plural noun is more natural here.
- 2. Use precise collocation Original: many violent cases Suggested revision: many cases of violence Why it matters: This phrase expresses incidents involving violence more naturally.
- 3. Use medium noun Original: on televisions Suggested revision: on television Why it matters: The uncountable form refers to television as a medium.
- 4. Use correct noun Original: murders and terrors Suggested revision: murders and acts of terrorism Why it matters: 'Terrors' does not denote violent incidents naturally in this list.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: cannot avoid in watching Suggested revision: cannot avoid watching Why it matters: 'Avoid' is followed directly by a gerund.
- 6. Match plural reference Original: affect our mind Suggested revision: affect our minds Why it matters: The plural possessive reference requires the plural noun 'minds'.
- 7. Use simple present Original: are showing that Suggested revision: show that Why it matters: The simple present is appropriate for the general content of programmes.
- 8. Clarify intended meaning Original: a normal scene Suggested revision: normal behaviour Why it matters: The argument concerns conduct being normalised, not merely a visual scene.
- 9. Name the outcome accurately Original: the number of gun murderers Suggested revision: the number of gun-related murders Why it matters: The claim refers to killings rather than to a count of perpetrators.
- 10. Use clearer expression Original: make it into a sporting event Suggested revision: present violence as a sporting event Why it matters: The replacement makes the object of 'present' explicit.
- 11. Use concise complement Original: an exciting thing Suggested revision: exciting Why it matters: The adjective alone completes the object complement naturally.
- 12. Add required preposition Original: that results some injuries Suggested revision: this results in injuries Why it matters: The verb 'result' requires 'in' before an outcome.
Suggested Rewrites
- affect on his emotion affect his emotions
- many violent cases many cases of violence
- on televisions on television
- murders and terrors murders and acts of terrorism
- cannot avoid in watching cannot avoid watching
- affect our mind affect our minds
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with a relevant chain of examples about aggression among viewers, especially young people. Its main limitation is that several causal claims remain asserted rather than convincingly explained, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to deepen the reasoning behind one or two examples and then edit carefully for natural word combinations, agreement, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and supported with relevant ideas, although some claims are generalized or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop the causal link between violent viewing and angry behaviour through one specific, credible example rather than several broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from violent content to behavioural effects, but the single long body paragraph weakens organization and some linking is mechanical.
Divide the body into distinct paragraphs for general influence and effects on young people, using transitions only where the relationship needs clarification.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur repeatedly despite meaning remaining clear.
Replace awkward combinations such as references to avoiding watching and gun murderers with precise, natural expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument, but recurring errors in prepositions, articles, agreement, and sentence construction limit control.
Proofread each sentence for verb patterns, missing articles or prepositions, and subject-verb agreement before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People who watch a lot of violent television programs will find that this influences their behaviour when they are angry or upset. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.