Which of the following point of views do you agree with? Visitors who visit other countries should follow the local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome the cultural diversity and allow visitors’ own custom and behaviours.
Sample Response
Nowadays, a growing number of people prefer to conduct tour trips into other countries. The tourism industry has become a matter of concern and significant investment has been injected to develop impressive destinations for tourists. But there are a lot of debates about conflicts which come into existence when a number of people intend to enter into other societies. Two groups of people opine differently. One group believes that tourists should follow customs, rules and behaviours of host countries. On the other side, the second group of people believe that tourists should bring modern lifestyle and tradition in order to improve their lifestyle. This issue will be analysed in detail and suggestion will be provided for this sophisticated matter in the following section. Interestingly, some people believe tourists should follow customs and rules of host countries. The reason behind this is that they are worried about changes in their lifestyle and customs because they do not want to interrupt their customs by outsiders. If tourists bring their behaviour and rules then local people are likely to copy their lifestyle and dress wearing habits. For instance, Saudi Arabia is one of the strict countries that don’t show western dresses like short ladies dresses and alcohol is also strictly prohibited. Its main motive is to refrain local people to adopt foreigners’ way of living style. However, on the other hand, many people believe that tourists should allow bringing their behaviours, rules and customs with them when they are tourists in other countries and the host country should welcome their lifestyle and tradition. For instance, Emirates is one of the Muslim countries but it welcomes all customs and traditions. For example, Europeans are allowed to drink alcohol and ladies are allowed to wear short dresses. Moreover, tourists also wish to look like local in any country and they desire to wear local dresses like in Muslim countries ladies wear specific dresses. Tourists also find chances to introduce their culture diversity and customs. Tourist industry should make potential to provide full freedom and they feel like own homeland. Furthermore, tourists are an important source for host countries to increase national income substantially. In conclusion, tourists can have excellent tourism experience by respecting others religion, culture and tradition. Therefore, host countries are also responsible for providing extra freedom without strict rules so that they can visit again the same destination. There are competitions are going on in different countries in order to provide the best visiting place and win competition by increasing numbers of guests.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural travel phrase Original: conduct tour trips into Suggested revision: take trips to Why it matters: People “take trips to” countries; “conduct tour trips into” is not an idiomatic travel expression.
- 2. Use investment collocation Original: injected Suggested revision: made Why it matters: Investment is conventionally “made,” while “injected” would require a destination such as an industry.
- 3. Use uncountable debate Original: a lot of debates Suggested revision: much debate Why it matters: “Debate” is uncountable when referring generally to public disagreement about one issue.
- 4. Use concise conflict verb Original: conflicts which come into existence Suggested revision: conflicts that arise Why it matters: “Arise” expresses the emergence of conflict more directly and naturally.
- 5. Remove extra preposition Original: enter into other societies Suggested revision: enter other societies Why it matters: The transitive verb “enter” takes its object directly without “into.”
- 6. Use natural opinion phrase Original: opine differently Suggested revision: hold different opinions Why it matters: The revision is more natural and clearly describes disagreement between the groups.
- 7. Use contrast linker Original: side Suggested revision: hand Why it matters: “On the other hand” is the fixed linker for presenting the opposing view.
- 8. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: believe Suggested revision: believes Why it matters: The head noun “group” is singular and therefore takes “believes.”
- 9. Use general plurals Original: bring modern lifestyle and tradition Suggested revision: bring modern lifestyles and traditions Why it matters: The general reference concerns multiple tourists’ ways of life and customs, so plural nouns are needed.
- 10. Add indefinite article Original: suggestion will be provided Suggested revision: a suggestion will be provided Why it matters: The singular countable noun “suggestion” requires a determiner.
- 11. Use accurate complexity term Original: sophisticated Suggested revision: complex Why it matters: “Complex” means difficult or involving many factors, whereas “sophisticated” does not fit this issue.
- 12. Use concise reason phrase Original: behind Suggested revision: for Why it matters: “Reason for” is the standard and more concise collocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- conduct tour trips into take trips to
- injected made
- a lot of debates much debate
- conflicts which come into existence conflicts that arise
- enter into other societies enter other societies
- opine differently hold different opinions
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response considers both viewpoints and uses relevant country examples, with a conclusion that broadly supports mutual respect and some freedom for visitors. However, the position is only partially clarified, several ideas are repetitive or weakly explained, and frequent awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state a definite nuanced position early, then build two focused paragraphs that directly justify it with clearly expressed reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant reasons and examples, but the writer's own position emerges late and some claims are insufficiently explained.
State a precise position in the introduction and make each body paragraph directly demonstrate why that position is preferable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence from one view to the other and then a conclusion is discernible, but repetition, mechanical linking, and absent paragraph breaks weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the two perspectives and remove repeated signposting so each idea advances the argument once.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss tourism and culture, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make expression awkward.
Replace unnatural phrases with precise combinations such as travel abroad, respect local customs, cultural diversity, and feel at home.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but errors in articles, agreement, verb patterns, and sentence construction occur frequently.
Focus on controlling clause structure and verb patterns, especially allow someone to do something and refrain from doing something.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Which of the following point of views do you agree with? Visitors who visit other countries should follow the local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome the cultural diversity and allow visitors’ own custom and behaviours.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.