Visitors should follow local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome cultural differences? Which one do you support and why?
Sample Response
Whether visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours or the host country should welcome cultural differences is a widely debated issue. This essay deals with it and gives my point of view. Visitors should respect the local customs, demeanours and cultures of the host country. If the guests behave abusively to the emcee, it is not the polite way in our society. Before going somewhere, it is better to know the local traditions of a definite country. Every country does have the same customs, cultures, behaviours and origins. If an individual follows the local customs of others in its respective places, it means mutual understanding to each other. If so, people on the earth will raise the esteem on one another and every country will reach a compromise, then the world will become the improving, beautiful and peaceful place ever to live in without wars. As an example, many leaders from the world visit Myanmar and they recognise mutual respects and show affection to others such as saying ‘mingalarpar’, making a gesture of respect by putting the palms together and raising them to the forehead. They also value the religious customs by taking off their shoes and wearing the appropriate dresses on the flat ground around the stupa and pagodas. Too many local residents warmly welcome them gladly and heartily. The ignorance of local language and custom may lead to a big problem since it is disrespectful to another culture. For another example, when I was travelling to Saudi Arabia as a visitor, I wore ‘abaya’ and covered my long hairs for going outside. This meant just paying respect for other culture and I did not lose my original identity. I even got some help and assistance from local people for my respect towards their traditions. Therefore, to sum up, I strongly agree that visitors should comply with customs and cultures of the host country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid vague phrasing Original: This essay deals with it Suggested revision: This essay argues that visitors should respect local customs Why it matters: Deals with it is vague and does not state the position.
- 2. Wrong word Original: demeanours Suggested revision: manners Why it matters: Demeanour refers to a person's manner, not social customs generally.
- 3. Wrong noun Original: emcee Suggested revision: host Why it matters: Emcee means a master of ceremonies, not a host country or local people.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: definite country Suggested revision: particular country Why it matters: Particular country is the correct meaning here.
- 5. Meaning error Original: Every country does have the same customs Suggested revision: Every country has different customs Why it matters: The sentence currently says all countries have the same customs, which contradicts the argument.
- 6. Wrong collocation Original: raise the esteem on one another Suggested revision: show greater respect for one another Why it matters: Raise the esteem on is not a natural expression.
- 7. Wrong quantifier Original: Too many local residents Suggested revision: Many local residents Why it matters: Too many suggests a negative excess, which is not intended.
- 8. Uncountable noun Original: my long hairs Suggested revision: my long hair Why it matters: Hair is usually uncountable when referring to all hair on the head.
- 9. State position Original: This essay deals with it and gives my point of view. Suggested revision: This essay argues that visitors should respect local customs while host countries remain open to cultural differences. Why it matters: The essay needs a direct position rather than a generic announcement.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: If the guests behave abusively to the emcee, it is not the polite way in our society. Suggested revision: If guests behave disrespectfully towards their hosts, this is considered impolite in most societies. Why it matters: The original uses emcee incorrectly and sounds unnatural.
- 11. Fix meaning Original: Every country does have the same customs, cultures, behaviours and origins. Suggested revision: Every country has its own customs, culture, behaviour patterns and history. Why it matters: The original meaning is the opposite of what the argument requires.
- 12. Control long sentence Original: If so, people on the earth will raise the esteem on one another and every country will reach a compromise, then the world will become the improving, beautiful and peaceful place ever to live in without wars. Suggested revision: If visitors show respect, people from different countries may understand one another better and avoid unnecessary conflict. Why it matters: The original is too broad and grammatically overloaded.
Suggested Rewrites
- This essay deals with it This essay argues that visitors should respect local customs
- demeanours manners
- emcee host
- definite country particular country
- Every country does have the same customs Every country has different customs
- raise the esteem on one another show greater respect for one another
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The writer clearly supports visitors following local customs and gives relevant examples. However, the opposing idea is not discussed much, so the answer is somewhat one-sided.
Briefly acknowledge why host countries should welcome cultural differences, then explain why visitor respect is still more important.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall direction but is written as one long paragraph, and some ideas jump quickly from manners to world peace.
Use separate paragraphs for position, reasons, examples, and conclusion, with one main idea per paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful vocabulary about customs and respect, but several words are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise cultural vocabulary such as host community, local etiquette, cultural identity, and mutual respect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but there are recurring errors with articles, pronouns, and sentence construction.
Edit for simple accurate sentence patterns before adding longer conditional sentences.