In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.
Sample Response
There is a growing trend of children attending vocational schools from the age of 11 or 13 in Europe. While some people are of the view that such schools enable children to learn practical skills that help them get a job, others feel that an academic education is more important. This essay tries to explore the context behind the two schools of thought and tries to frame an ideal solution to it.
There is no doubt that a strong academic education is very important in order to secure the future of children. A strong schooling culture not only instils discipline in children but also helps them to shape their thinking and improves learning ability which is extremely valuable in life. Besides, an elementary knowledge of all subjects is a must in order to compete in this challenging world.
However, we must understand that not all children are academically oriented. It is best to encourage such children to start learning a vocation from an early age in order to prepare them to earn their living. Giving them the early start is important so that they can excel in their field and also they have enough time to explore other options. In my opinion, schools can provide a perfect blend of both these situations. Introducing vocational subjects like carpentry, fashion designing, automotive courses etc. will allow young minds to discover alternate career options while giving the comfort of a school environment. Specially designed tests can assess the inclination of a student to a particular skill. Besides, the vocation courses can be tailored to fit the requirements of particular students.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct opening Original: There is a growing trend of children attending Suggested revision: A growing number of children attend Why it matters: The revised subject states the trend more directly and concisely.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: are of the view that Suggested revision: believe that Why it matters: The shorter verb expresses the same opinion more naturally.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: This essay tries to explore Suggested revision: This essay explores Why it matters: An essay can directly explore an issue without the tentative verb “tries.”
- 4. Specify the comparison Original: the context behind the two schools of thought Suggested revision: the reasoning behind both views Why it matters: This phrase identifies the arguments more precisely than the vague word “context.”
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: frame an ideal solution to it Suggested revision: propose an ideal solution to the issue Why it matters: Writers propose a solution, and the explicit noun avoids an unclear pronoun.
- 6. State the benefit precisely Original: very important in order to secure the future of children Suggested revision: important for improving children's future prospects Why it matters: The revision replaces vague intensification and the unnatural phrase “secure the future.”
- 7. Use a concise infinitive Original: helps them to shape their thinking Suggested revision: helps shape their thinking Why it matters: After “help,” the bare infinitive is more concise and natural.
- 8. Clarify whose ability Original: improves learning ability Suggested revision: improves their ability to learn Why it matters: The possessive pronoun clearly links the ability to the children.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: an elementary knowledge Suggested revision: a basic knowledge Why it matters: “Basic knowledge” is the standard phrase for an introductory understanding.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: is a must Suggested revision: is essential Why it matters: “Essential” is more appropriate than the conversational phrase “a must.”
- 11. Make the context precise Original: in this challenging world Suggested revision: in today's competitive world Why it matters: The revision identifies the specific challenge implied by “compete.”
- 12. Use the standard term Original: start learning a vocation Suggested revision: begin vocational training Why it matters: People undertake vocational training rather than learn a vocation.
Suggested Rewrites
- There is a growing trend of children attending A growing number of children attend
- are of the view that believe that
- This essay tries to explore This essay explores
- the context behind the two schools of thought the reasoning behind both views
- frame an ideal solution to it propose an ideal solution to the issue
- very important in order to secure the future of children important for improving children's future prospects
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay explains the value of both academic and vocational learning and offers a clear blended-school solution supported by practical examples. Its strongest feature is the constructive synthesis of the two educational routes, while its main limitation is that the academic side receives less specific development. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the routes through equally concrete outcomes and explain how the proposed blend would work in practice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both educational routes and develops a relevant combined solution, though the academic case is less fully supported.
Give one concrete academic outcome and explain how schools would balance core subjects, vocational options, and aptitude testing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the two perspectives to a proposed synthesis, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Separate the vocational argument from the blended solution so each paragraph has one central purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, with occasional imprecise collocations and repetition around schools and children.
Refine phrases such as secure the future, frame an ideal solution, fashion designing, and vocation courses.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with good control, despite occasional agreement, article, and coordination errors.
Polish parallel structures in sentences combining instils, helps, and improves, and use an early start rather than the early start.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.