Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings in modern times. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What, in your opinion, makes a person successful in life?
Sample Response
In contemporary society, success is oftentimes equated with financial prosperity and the possession of material assets. While wealth is undoubtedly one aspect of success, it is far from being the definitive yardstick. In my opinion, true success is multifaceted, encompassing various elements beyond monetary riches.
While wealth does play a role in measuring success, it cannot be considered the sole determinant. Success should be viewed through a broader lens that includes personal fulfillment, contentment, and achieving one's aspirations and goals. Consequently, an individual should be evaluated based on their accomplishments, contributions to society, personal growth, and overall happiness rather than purely their financial status. For instance, someone who dedicates their life to a noble cause, makes a significant impact in their community, or attains self-actualization through creative pursuits can be considered immensely successful despite not being immensely wealthy.
In my opinion, qualities such as resilience, perseverance, determination, and the ability to overcome obstacles are integral components of success. A person's success is often rooted in their capability to face adversity, learn from failures, and adapt to changes. For instance, an individual who faces numerous setbacks but continues to strive towards their goals with unwavering determination embodies the essence of success, irrespective of their financial standing.
In conclusion, while wealth can be a facet of success, it is overly simplistic and limited to consider it the ultimate measure. Genuine success encompasses a multitude of aspects such as personal fulfillment, contributions to society, resilience, and perseverance. Therefore, a person's success should be assessed holistically, taking into account their achievements, growth, and impact on others beyond material wealth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Prefer concise adverb Original: oftentimes Suggested revision: often Why it matters: 'Often' conveys the same meaning more concisely in formal writing.
- 2. Reduce nominal wording Original: the possession of material assets Suggested revision: material assets Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning and avoids unnecessary nominal wording.
- 3. Tighten comparison phrase Original: far from being the definitive yardstick Suggested revision: far from the definitive yardstick Why it matters: Removing 'being' makes the complement more direct without changing the claim.
- 4. Use precise dimension noun Original: various elements Suggested revision: several dimensions Why it matters: 'Dimensions' more precisely matches the claim that success is multifaceted.
- 5. Use neutral wording Original: monetary riches Suggested revision: financial wealth Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and appropriately formal in this context.
- 6. Restore list parallelism Original: personal fulfillment, contentment, and achieving one's aspirations and goals Suggested revision: personal fulfillment, contentment, and the achievement of one's aspirations and goals Why it matters: All three list items should use parallel noun structures.
- 7. Complete comparison structure Original: rather than purely their financial status Suggested revision: rather than on their financial status alone Why it matters: Repeating the preposition makes the comparison with 'based on' grammatically complete.
- 8. Avoid repeated intensifier Original: immensely successful despite not being immensely wealthy Suggested revision: highly successful despite not being wealthy Why it matters: Varying and removing the repeated intensifier makes the contrast more controlled.
- 9. Avoid repeated stance marker Original: In my opinion, qualities Suggested revision: Qualities Why it matters: The position is already explicit, so repeating this marker weakens progression into the next reason.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: capability to face adversity Suggested revision: ability to face adversity Why it matters: 'Ability to face adversity' is the more natural collocation here.
- 11. Use uncountable change Original: adapt to changes Suggested revision: adapt to change Why it matters: The uncountable form refers more naturally to change in general.
- 12. Repair complement structure Original: it is overly simplistic and limited to consider it the ultimate measure Suggested revision: considering it the ultimate measure is overly simplistic and limiting Why it matters: The revised gerund clause removes the faulty adjective-plus-infinitive construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- oftentimes often
- the possession of material assets material assets
- far from being the definitive yardstick far from the definitive yardstick
- various elements several dimensions
- monetary riches financial wealth
- personal fulfillment, contentment, and achieving one's aspirations and goals personal fulfillment, contentment, and the achievement of one's aspirations and goals
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions through a clear, consistent position and develops a coherent account of success based on fulfilment, contribution, resilience, and growth. Its main limitation is that the supporting examples remain hypothetical and some key ideas and vocabulary are repeated rather than explored with greater specificity. The highest-priority refinement is to use one concrete, well-explained example to deepen the otherwise strong argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through a clear position and well-developed, relevant ideas.
Strengthen the argument further by replacing one generic hypothetical illustration with a specific, fully analysed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced across focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing managed effectively.
Reduce minor repetition between the thesis, body points, and conclusion so each stage adds a distinct layer of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and well suited to the abstract topic, with only slight repetition of central terms.
Vary repeated references to success and wealth selectively while preserving the response's strong precision and natural tone.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare awkwardness.
Refine occasional heavy constructions, such as impersonal evaluation phrases, to make already accurate sentences more concise and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings in modern times. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What, in your opinion, makes a person successful in life?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.